英语笑话-急诊 Help! Doctor

关于医生和病人的英文笑话在古老年代，由于交通的限制，医师和病人多数在一个较小的地域内活动，医生也主要是个体开业。

医师的第一批病人往往是亲戚朋友，继而是熟人相托，口耳相传，互相间平时就比较了解。

下面是店铺带来的关于医生和病人的英文笑话，欢迎阅读!关于医生和病人的英文笑话篇一病人和他的大夫A woman complained that her husband constantly hung around the house，doing or saying nothing. T o please her, he went to see a psychiatrist.“Just lie down on the couch and we'll talk. "the doctor told him. "If you think of something to say, fine. If not，maybe next time.”一位妇女总是抱怨其丈夫在家里转来转去，无所事是，为了使老婆高兴，他找到了精神病学专家。

“你就躺在沙发上，我们来谈谈。

”精神病医生告诉他:“如呆你想起什么就说，没有的话，下次再讲也行。

”The guy got himself comfortable and fell fast asleep. At the end of the hour，the doctor woke hirn up and said，"That will be all for today—$100，please. "The patient paid and left.这位男士舒适地躺在沙发上，很快就入睡了。

到了一小时，大夫唤醒了他说:“今天就到这儿吧，请交100元。

”病人付了钱之后就走了，从此，那个人每周三、四来就诊。

每次，他总是一句话也不说，光是睡觉，而且每次都付钱。

相关表达⽅式Related ExpressionI have got a headache. (stomachache, toothache, earacke)我头疼。

（肚⼦疼，⽛疼，⽿头疼）I have got a sore back. (sore throat, sore leg, sore eye)我腰疼。

（嗓⼦疼，腿疼，眼睛疼）I have got a pain in my belly.我肚⼦疼。

I have diarrhoea.我拉肚⼦了。

I have a splitting headache.我头痛得快要裂开似的。

I hace been having pains in my chest recently.最近我⼀直胸⼝痛。

I have been losing sleep.我最近⼀直失眠。

I have been throwing up.我最近⼀直呕吐。

I have got a bad appetite.我的胃⼝不好。

I have a ringing in my ears.我⽿朵嗡嗡作响。

My right eardrum has been infected.我的右⽿⿎被感染了。

My weight fell from eighty pounds to sity pounds.我的体重从80磅⼀下减到了60 磅。

对话7：交通事故Dialogue Seven (A traffic accident)⼤夫：你哪⾥不舒服？Doctor: What seems to be the problem?病⼈：唉，我刚才过马路，正赶上⼀辆车从拐⾓处开过来。

由于车速过快，等司机看到我再刹车时，已经太晚了。

我被撞倒在地，从地上爬起来时，我发现我的右臂和肘部也檫伤了。

现在我感到肋⾻有点疼痛。

Patient: Well, I was crossing the road, where a car came round the corner too quickly, and when the driver saw me, it was too late to stop. I was knocked to the ground, and when I got up ,my left arm and elbow were grazed and now, I have a pain in my ribs.⼤夫：让我检查⼀下吧。

英语幽默冷笑话6篇下面是店铺整理的英语幽默冷笑话，希望对大家有帮助。

英语幽默冷笑话："Ten steps from the porch(门廊) and twenty steps from the rose bushes," growled Bluebeard in Jimmy's dream one night. "There be treasure there! Aawrgh."So the next day Jimmy began to dig. He dug until the hole was deep and the dirt pile was high.He kept digging. The hole got deeper and the dirt pile got higher.He dug until the hole was deepest and the dirt pile was at its highest. He sighed. "I'm too tired. I can't dig anymore." Then he spied something... but it was only one of Woofy's bones. Instead of treasure, all Jimmy had was a dog bone, a hole, and a big pile of dirt to fill it in with. He thought "That pirate lied to me!"But when Jimmy's mother saw what he had done, she clasped(紧抱，扣紧) her hands and smiled a smile from here to Sunday. "Oh, thank you, Jimmy. I always wanted a rhododendron(杜鹃) bush planted just there. Here's $5.00 for digging that hole."英语幽默冷笑话：可怜的男人A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."Bartender: "That should make you happy."The man: "No, the month is up today!"一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。

English-Jokes(英语笑话)English Jokes(英语笑话)I forgot to shake the bottleMother: Why are you jumping up and down?Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了。

Get the kid.'A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。

如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。

因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。

每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。

”他到底想借什么？Are you using you mower this afternoon?Mr. Johnson: Are you using you mower this afternoon?Mr.Smith: Yes.Mr.Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it?约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗？史密斯先生：是的。

约翰逊先生：太好了。

既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗？所有的烟卷都会点着的All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.'I hope that all the cigarette factoriesA distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation.After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. 'I'd rather not,', the clergyman said, ' I don't want Him to know I'm here.'一位著名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在回家前吃点东西。

史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译英语幽默笑话带翻译1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 医生懂得多一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."2:You can't go without meThe bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. "Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts."It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him."But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says. 没有我你们走不了公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路."喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道."车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说."但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.3:DrunkOne day, a father and his little son were going home. Atthis age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," hisfather replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。

爆笑英语笑话带翻译爆笑英语笑话带翻译冷笑话是近几年出现的一个新词,也是一种出现在我们身边的不可忽视的新的语言现象,它具有强大的生命力,一时间大红大紫。

店铺精心收集了爆笑英语笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!爆笑英语笑话带翻译篇1A school report学校成绩单The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful(愤怒的) as he read,父亲在看他那满怀希望的儿子带回来的学校成绩单。

他边看边露出愤怒的表情："English, poor. French, weak. mathematics, fair." and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad(少年，小伙子).“英语，差;法语，差;数学，中。

”他厌恶地瞥了在发抖的儿子一眼。

"Well, Dad." said the son, "It is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line which read, "health, excellent."“爸爸，”儿子说，“可能成绩不够理想。

但您看到那一项了吗?”他指了指下一行：“健康状况，优。

”爆笑英语笑话带翻译篇2A Smart Parrot聪明的鹦鹉A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the redstring he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.有个人去宠物店买鹦鹉。

英语小笑话（1）不差钱Looking very unhappy,a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room. 一个愁容满面的穷人走进大夫的诊室。

"Doctor,"he said,"you must help me.I swallowed a penny abouta month ago.""大夫！"他说，"你一定要帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬币！" "Good heavens,man!"said the doctor."Why have you waited so lo ng?Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?""天哪，你这个人啊"大夫说，"早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？" "To tell you the truth,Doctor,"the poor man replied,"I didn't need the money so badly then.""实话告诉您吧，大夫，"穷人说，"我当时还不缺钱！"英语小笑话（2）迟到了！Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow ".老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行".英语小笑话（3）你会说什么How much English can you speak?"Your Honor,I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York Ci ty a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more,he on ly speaks a few words of English."The judge looked at the defendant and asked,"How much English c an you speak?"The defendant looked up and said,"Give me your wallet!""法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。

英语幽默笑话带翻译1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"医生懂得多一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."2:You can't go without meThe bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him."Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts."It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him."But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.没有我你们走不了公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路."喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道."车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说."但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.3:DrunkOne day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。

简单的英语笑话带翻译篇一：简单的英语笑话带翻译blonde'sAppendicitis-金发美女的阑尾炎Ablondehassharppainsinherside.Thedoctorexaminesherandsays,"Youhave acuteappendicitis."Theblondesays,"That'ssweet,doc,butIcameheretogetmedicalhelp."一个金发美女的腹部侧面感到剧痛。

医生检查之后告诉他：“你得了急性阑尾炎。

（金发美女听成acute以为是acute，一个可爱的阑尾炎）”金发美女说：“您真贴心，医生，但是我是来求医的。

”LittleJohnny...FindingJesus小强尼-寻找耶稣Asundayschoolteacherisconcernedthathisstudentsmightbealittleconfuseda boutJesus,soheaskshisclass,"whereisJesustoday?"stevenraiseshishandands ays,"he'sinheaven."maryanswers,"he'sinmyheart."LittleJohnnywaveshisha ndfuriouslyandblurtsout,"he'sinourbathroom!"ThesurprisedteacherasksLit tleJohnnyhowheknowsthis."well,"LittleJohnnysays,"everymorning,myfat hergetsup,bangsonthebathroomdoorandyells'Jesuschrist,areyoustillinthere ?!'"一名主日学校的老师担心他的学生们有可能对耶稣感到困惑，于是他问他的学生们：“耶稣今天在哪里？”斯蒂芬举起他的手，说道：“他在天堂。

笑话大全笑破你的肚子经典英语笑话以下由：Broken Finger 断指，很搞笑的英语笑话哦。

A young woman went to her doctor plaining ofpain .有名年轻女子去看医生，怨忿地说着她的病痛。

"Where are you hurting?"asked the doctor.医生问她：“你哪里痛?”"You have to help me,I hurt all over",said the woman, 女子说：“你一定要帮帮我，我全身痛。

”"What do you mean ,all over ?"asked the doctor,"be a little more specific."医生问说：“什么意思呀，全身?讲更明确一点吧”The woman toughed her right knee with her index finger and yelled,这名女子用她的指碰触右膝，痛得直叫;"Ow,that hurts."Then she toughed her left cheek and again yelled,“哎唷，那里好痛呀。

”然后她碰触左脸颊，又痛得直叫："Ouch!That hurts ,too.”Then she toughed her right earlobe ,“哎呀，那里也好痛呀。

”然后她碰触右耳垂，她哭喊说："Ow,even THAT hurts ,she cried.“哎呀，连那里也好痛呀。

”The doctor checked her thoughtfull for a moment and told her his diagnosis,"You have a brokenfinger."医生体贴地替她检查了一会儿，然后把诊断结果告诉她：“你的手指断了啦。

好笑的英语笑话 [大学好笑的英语笑话精选]The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle, and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary!" called the teacher sharply. "Yes, Madam?" questioned the pupil, "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。

“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。

“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。

“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。

”When I was waitting in line at the bank , I noticed a woman holding a small child at one of the windows. The boy was eating a roll, which he thrust at the teller. The teller smiled and shook his head."No, no, dear," said the boy's mom, and then, turnning to the teller, "I beg your pardon, young man. Please forgive my son. He's just been to the zoo."当我在银行里排队时，发现一位妇女抱着一个小孩站在一个窗口。

男孩正在吃一个面包卷，并将面包卷戳向出纳员，出纳员笑着摇了摇头。

英语幽默笑话及翻译下面是店铺整理的英语幽默笑话及翻译，希望对大家有帮助。

英语幽默笑话及翻译：Mental deficiency 智力缺陷"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."“医生，你能不能告诉我，”鲍勃问，“对于一个看上去很正常的人，你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了，”医生回答，“问他一个简单的问题，简单到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。

英语幽默笑话带翻译1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor,Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"医生懂得多一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多." 2:You can't go without meThe bus is very crowded. A man tries to get on, but no one gives way to him.?? "Hey, let me get on the bus." the man shouts.?? "It's too crowded. You'd better take the next bus." a passenger says to him.?? "But you can't go without me. I'm the driver." the man says.???没有我你们走不了?? 公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.?? "喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.?? "车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.?? "但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.3:DrunkOne day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。