《一个女人是这样衰老的》学译、改译与点评

《一个女人是这样衰老的》学译、改译与点评

☆一个女人是这样衰老的

学译：

how a woman ages

a womans aging

a woman fades thus

what causes a woman to grow old?

the way in which a woman is aging

how a woman gets old

改译：

the way woman withers

点评：衰老＝age/old？思路不妨宽些，译wither，如何？另外，wither

因使用了转义connotation，其审美想象比age/old更为广阔。此外，英语的修辞格，或者说任何语言的修辞格，均可以distillation写之。各种修辞格乃语言美学的价值所在。可是，在汉译英中善用英语修辞格的却不多见。the way woman withers因运用了alliteration而获得了形和声两方面的美。

1、二十岁的时候，我穿着一条背心式牛仔裙在校园里走来走去，一说话就脸红。

三十岁的我穿着名牌套装，坐在办公桌前，满脸冷酷地对下属说：这么愚蠢的问题你也敢问？也不先打个草稿。

学译：

at the age of twenty, i walked about on the campus, wearing a vest-like jean skirt. my face would turn red whenever i speak. after i have turned thirty, i am seated in front of a bureau, in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly, how dare you ask such a stupid question? why didnt you make a draft first?

改译：

at the age of twenty, wearing a jeans jumper, i moved about on the

campus, my face blushing the moment i had the inclination to make an utterance. at the age of thirty, i, wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly, how can you go so far as to raise such a silly, mindless question?

点评：翻译学到一定的时候，就期望有所突破。而突破的唯一道路是学以致用。试比较：in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly 前译已经不错，而后译却词采灿烂！究其原因，后译用了zeugma。一个分词巧妙地串起了两个宾语！zeugma，即a figure of speech in which a single word, usually a verb or adjective, is syntactically related to two or more words, though having a different sense in relation to each. 另如：the senator picked up his hat and his courage. she possessed two false teeth and a sympathetic heart. he lost the game and his temper. 初学者的译文处处留下老实的，或曰稚嫩的痕迹。原句中有也不先打个草稿，译文便亦步亦趋：why didnt you make a draft first? 汉语有打个草稿的比喻，可是，英语并不认同。服饰，是翻译的一大障碍。背心式牛仔裙被译成vest-like jean skirt/sleeveless jeans skirt均不地道。背心式牛仔裙＝jeans jumper/ denim jumper。

2、二十岁的时候，从图书馆借的是《莎士比亚全集》，《一个青年艺术家的自画像》和《尤里西斯》。三十岁之后，床头摆的是《跟庄秘籍》，《elle》和《经理人的个人魅力》。

学译：

at the age of twenty, the collected works of shakespeare, the portrait of an artist as a young man, and ulysses were borrowed from the library. after thirty, strategy of speculation on stocks, elle and managers personal charm were put on the bedside.

改译：

at the age of twenty, i borrowed books from the library like shakespeares complete works, a portrait of the artist as a young man, ulysses. after thirty, on my bedside, lie such books and magazines as the recipe on stocks, elle and managers charm.

点评：

两译相比，最大的区别在于，前者尾轻，后者尾重。英语句法的审美情趣倾向于尾重。试比较：gone are the days when i was young. the days when i was young are gone. word came that bribery has sent him to prison, which amazed us. word that bribery has sent him to prison came, which amazed us. 而汉语却没有此习惯，汉语说：我年轻的日子已经