雅思5.5分 作文范文参考
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【雅思作文批改】雅思写作5.5是种什么样的体验?雅思作文是雅思考试中比较难得分的部分,很多雅思考生在雅思作文上都很头疼,怎么都拿不到好的雅思作文分数,所以大家掌握一些雅思作文模板、雅思作文技巧是非常重要的。
雅思作文题目:The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.考生原文The table presented lists six cities’ various situation on underground railway systems.London was the earliest city opening the underground in 1863, followed by Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC and Kyoto in order. Los Angeles has the shortest history of underground’s construction, which was nearly 40 years later than London.There is the longest railway route of 394 kilometers in London as well as the earliest opening of subway. Next comes Paris, Tokyo and Washington DC with 199 km, 155 km and 126 km separately, and the routes are shorter than half of that in London. Kyoto and Los Angeles line last with only 11 km and 28 km railway route respectively.1927 million people take Tokyo’s subway per year, although the railway is only 155 km long. Paris ranked the second of 1911 million, followed by London. Although London has the longest railway, only 775 million passengers travel by railway every year. Kyoto and Los Angeles are the least popular with only 45 million and 50 million passengers.The underground in London has the oldest history while Tokyo has the largest number of passengers each year.批改 by 牛亚茹本次批改严格按照IELTS小作文评分标准进行。
●批改By Will本次批改严格按照ILETS大作文评分标准进行。
ILETS大作文评分项:TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。
文末会进行总评及打分。
●文中标识:用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加With the rate of economy and the development of technology, people in the public hunger (表述不当,可改为in poorer condition)to receive more money to improve the level of their lifestyle. Under this background, many people start to doing part-time job. In my opinion, the disadvantages of this outweigh its advantages. There are some reasons to explain it.First for the most (注意词组不要漏词,first and for most), taking temporary jobs can make bring heavier work pressure. In modern city, there are too much (后面的‘difficulties’是可数名词,改为many) challenging difficulties for people to overcome. It can waste their power (用词不当,改为energy)and let them not dynamic(词不达意,无法理解这里想表达什么意思). Then, part-time jobs usually start on weekend or evening which in this period for people in the public to keep balance in their health (这句话句法结构不完整,其中没有谓语,表达也不太恰当。
1.作文题目School age children and teenagers usually like to do the same things as their friends but parents often have a different idea about what their children should be doing.Should parents always decide how children spend their free time?2.学生作文Many school children and teenagers always do the similar stuff together, while their parents usually have different opinions about what their children should do. From my perspective, I think parents should not always decide the free time of children.To begin with, generation gap is a significant problem which happens between parents and children. It is inevitable that children will have different thoughts with their parents. Secondly, as children, they are living in a modern and developing world, which makes them change their minds frequently. However, many parents are quite reluctant to accept new ideas and technologies. Therefore, their views will be dissimilar with their children, which are really impossible to reach an agreement. At last, children prefer trying out new adventurous challenges, whereas their parents are rigid and only want stable life. So parents cannot really control and decide for their children.Furthermore, the ideas of parents are not quite always correct and sometime might mislead their children. Of course, there is no doubt that old people have more life experiences and can handle any difficult situations in most of time. However, the modern world is not as they think as it used to be, so they might under-estimate some circumstances which might have negative effects on their children. For example, most parents believe that as long as their children can obtain higher degrees from universities will definitely have better future. Contrasty, in reality, the abilities and moral standards of children are much more important than just only university degrees.In conclusion, parents should let children to create their own world and give them freedom to assign their leisure time, which might lead them to success eventually.Words: 2793.老师批改:文中标识:用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加Many school children and teenagers always do the similar stuff together, while their parents usually have different opinions about what their children should do. From my perspective, I think parents should not always decide the free time of children.To begin with, generation gap is a significant problem, which happens between parents and children. It is inevitable that children will have different thoughts with from their parents. For instance, they have their own preference to choosing majors, careers or even the ways of living. (cc:这里需要给出一点他们怎么个不同,比如选未来的职业或者生活等。
雅思小作文5.5分范文英文回答:The provision of free education to all children has numerous advantages that outweigh its drawbacks. Firstly, a well-educated population is essential for the economic prosperity of a nation. Individuals with higher levels of education possess the knowledge, skills, and critical thinking abilities necessary to drive innovation, productivity, and economic growth. Secondly, educationplays a pivotal role in social equality by breaking down barriers and providing opportunities for all, regardless of socioeconomic background. By investing in education, societies can create a more just and equitable world. Thirdly, education empowers individuals to make informed decisions about their lives and to actively participate in civic and political processes. It fosters critical thinking, analytical skills, and a sense of global awareness,enabling individuals to navigate the complexities of modern society.However, some may argue that making education free for all children is financially unsustainable. Governmentswould need to increase taxes or reallocate funds from other areas to cover the costs, which could lead to trade-offsand difficult decisions. Additionally, concerns have been raised about the potential for a decline in educational quality if resources are stretched too thin. However, it is crucial to invest in the long-term benefits of educationand to find innovative ways to fund it sustainably.In conclusion, the provision of free education to all children is a worthwhile investment that yields significant societal benefits. By empowering individuals with knowledge, skills, and civic consciousness, education serves as a foundation for economic prosperity, social equality, and personal fulfillment. While there may be financial and logistical challenges to overcome, the long-term rewardsfar outweigh the costs.中文回答:免费教育对于所有儿童都有许多好处,远远大于其缺点。
●批改By Angela本次批改严格按照IELTS大作文评分标准进行。
IELTS大作文评分项:TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。
文末会进行总评及打分。
作文题目Some say that government should stop supporting the professional sports activities and the cultural performances, and instead begin supporting schools to encourage children to take up sports and arts. What is your opinion?学生作文As a result of more and more schools which are aware of the importance of arts and sports, some people claim that government should ban professional sports events and cultural performances. Personally, I find this view is ill-founded.Admittedly, holding the sports activities and the cultural performance, government will allocate more money into entertainment and it is considered to be indispensable for individuals to participate in, comparing with other fields such as schooling. Some people are opposed to supporting the professional sports activities and cultural performances based on the above view.However, a country holding physical events and cultural performances could attract many international tourists and drive the economic development for one’ country. In addition to this, cultural performances considered as a cultural bridge could create a connection between participants and help individuals to have a rough picture of other races or countries.on the other hand, there are also arguments in favor of sports and arts involvement for children. Specifically, if sports and arts are integrated into schooling at an early age, it builds a foundation for children’ physique and growth, which means that TV programmes or video games will no longer become the only after-school activities. Moreover, arts and sports could develop children’s artistic skills and athletic abilities. Take arts courses as example, it helps children to understand and appreciate the arts and engage in meaningful art-making.In conclusion, government should support the professional sports activities for the sake of boosting tourism. At the same time, government should support schools to encourage children to take up sports and arts.●文中标识:用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加para1: introduction 介绍As a result of more and more schools which are aware of the importance of arts and sports, some people claim that government should ban professional sports events and cultural performances. (这里没有因果关系,再好好思考一下)Arts and sports play an essential component in the development of a country. Personally, I find this view is ill-founded, and I will explain the benefits of those activities for the growth of both a nation and young children. (同意?还是不同意?最好在一开始就给出,然后倾向的一边最好多写一点。
雅思口语5.5分范文话题:Describe a person who has interesting ideas or opinions。
Well, I'm gonna talk about my friend Jack. He's a really cool guy with a head full of interesting ideas.You know, we were at a party once. Everyone was just chatting about the usual stuff like movies and music. But Jack, he started talking about how he thought we could live on Mars in the future. He was like, "Hey, think about it. We could build these super cool domes on Mars that are likelittle Earths. We could grow plants there and have our own little Martian farms." And he wasn't just talking nonsense. He actually had some facts to back it up. He was talking about the latest research on Mars' atmosphere and how scientists are finding ways to make it more habitable.Another time, we were discussing about education. Most of us were complaining about how boring school was. But Jack had this wild idea. He said that schools should be like adventure parks. Each subject would have its own area. For example, math could be in a big maze where you have to solve math problems to find your way out. English could be in astorytelling forest where you meet characters from different books and have to talk to them in English. It sounded so crazy at first, but when youthink about it, it would make learning a lot more fun.He's always coming up with these off the wall ideas that make you stop and think. And that's what I really like about him. He doesn't just follow the crowd. He thinks outside the box all the time.。
雅思5.5分剑桥6 Test2 作文范文学生原文:The table illustrates the information about the changes of the average distance in miles everyone in England over 75years.The largest data found in table is the average distance of local bus in 2000, which was 4806. It means that the average distance of localExperienced a drastically upward by 707 miles. On the other hand, the average distance of taxi ranked last 1985 and 2000, but in increased from 13 miles in 1985 to 42 miles in 2000.The average distance of walking and bicycle showed a slight decline, dropping modestly of12 miles and 10miles respectively. In the contrast, there is a noticeable leap found in local bus, and the average distance in 2000 is 155 miles less than the average distance in 1985. On the other hand, the average distance of per person in long distance bus increased from 54miles in 1985 to 124miles in 2000. Lastly, the over 15 years witnessed a moderate increase both distance of train and other travel moods by 57miles and 135miles respectively.Overall, in this kinds of transport term, average distance travel per person per years in 2000 is more 1735miles than that in 1985.老师批改及评语:批改By Will本次批改严格按照ILETS小作文评分标准进行。
帮我写一篇雅思5.5分作文我有一只超级可爱的宠物小狗,它叫小白。
小白全身都是白白的毛,就像一团棉花糖。
它的眼睛圆溜溜的,像两颗黑宝石。
每次我放学回家,小白总是第一个冲到门口来迎接我。
它会欢快地摇着尾巴,围着我的腿转圈圈,还会用它的小鼻子嗅嗅我的手,好像在说:“小主人,你终于回来啦。
”有一次,我带小白去公园玩。
公园里有好多漂亮的花,五颜六色的。
小白可高兴啦,它在草地上跑来跑去,一会儿追着蝴蝶,一会儿又去嗅嗅花朵。
突然,它看到了一只小松鼠,就立马追了过去。
小松鼠嗖的一下爬上了树,小白在树下汪汪叫着,那模样真是有趣极了。
小白还是我的小守护者呢。
有天晚上,我一个人在家有点害怕。
小白就趴在我的床边,它的眼睛警惕地看着四周。
只要有一点动静,它就会竖起耳朵。
有了小白在身边,我就安心多了。
我爱我的小白,它是我最好的小伙伴。
我最喜欢的季节是夏天。
夏天的时候,天气很热,太阳像个大火球一样挂在天上。
但是这时候也有好多好玩的事情呢。
可以吃美味的冰淇淋。
冰淇淋有好多口味,像草莓味的,吃起来甜甜的,还有一股浓浓的奶香。
每次吃冰淇淋的时候,那种冰冰凉凉的感觉从舌尖一直传到心里,可舒服啦。
夏天还能去游泳。
游泳池里的水凉凉的。
我和小伙伴们在水里像小鱼一样游来游去。
我们会比赛谁游得快,有时候还会在水里打水仗。
水溅到脸上,凉凉的,大家都笑得特别开心。
在夏天的夜晚,还能听到好多小虫子的叫声。
我和爸爸妈妈坐在院子里,抬头就能看到满天的星星。
星星一闪一闪的,就像无数双小眼睛在看着我们。
我会躺在爸爸的怀里,听爸爸讲星星的故事,然后慢慢睡着。
夏天充满了快乐和美好的回忆,所以我最喜欢夏天啦。
我的学校生活可有趣啦。
学校里有很多小伙伴,我们每天一起上课、一起玩耍。
教室很明亮,里面摆放着整整齐齐的桌椅。
老师在讲台上讲课的时候,我们都认真地听着。
课间休息是我们最快乐的时光。
我们会跑到操场上玩游戏。
有一次,我们玩捉迷藏。
我躲在了一棵大树后面,心里紧张极了,生怕被找到。
●批改By Will本次批改严格按照ILETS小作文评分标准进行。
ILETS小作文评分项:TA (内容的完整性), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。
文末会进行总评及打分。
●文中标识:用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加Test 1There are two images about agriculture. The pie chart describes why agricultural land becomes(时态,改为became) less productive. The table illustrates how to affect (语法问题,时态与语义不完整,改为it affected) three regions of the world during 1990s.The first image shows some causes of worldwide of land degradation. It was divided into four parts which were deforestation, over-cultivation, over-grazing, other. At first, the percentage of over-grazing was 35% in total which was the most (用词不当,改为‘greatest’) one. Furthermore, deforestation was 30% more than the percentage of over-cultivation by 28% in total. Then, other owned only 7%. It’s clearly that over-grazing played an important role in worldwide land degradation.The second image illustrates some causes of land degradation by region. There were 3 countries including North America, Europe and Oceania. In 1990s, the land degradation of Europe was the most one in total by (引出数据使用‘with’或‘at’更好)23%. It’s clearly (be动词后使用形容词作标语,改为‘clear’) that deforestation occurred 9.8% in Europe which was the highest one in these areas. Then, the percentage of over-grazing was 11.3% in Oceania was the highest figure in total. (出现两个谓语,可改为was the highest in Oceania, representing 11.3%) To sum up, these images describe worldwide land degradation. It’s significantly that over-grazing and deforestation represent (改为过去时represented) the production of worldwide. Furthermore, the area in Oceania was suitable for over-glazing’s growth.总评5.5 (TA5.5 CC5.5 GRA5.0 LR5.5)1.偶尔出现语法错误,主要集中在时态以及词性上。
●批改By Will本次批改严格按照ILETS大作文评分标准进行。
ILETS大作文评分项:TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。
文末会进行总评及打分。
●文中标识:用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加When we think of the unpaid community service the participants that spring immediately to mind are the volunteers (高中生也算志愿者,这里不如说的明确一些改为:Social volunteers) or the charitable organizations. But in fact, the community service involves more than such a group of people. The importance of high school students actively performing the community jobs has come in for considerable scrutiny lately, and the idea that the unpaid community service should be a mandatory part of high school programs has certainly not been rejected by those involved in these investigation.On one hand, the main reason is that live skills is important for people,s life. But this kind of unpaid community workor doing voluntary work will help cultivating(sympathy and caring. (这两句话之间用了but,可是并没有明显的转折关系,介于这一段后面也提到了技能,这两句不妨改为并列:Voluntary work would effectively cultivate students with sympathetic thoughts and caring for others, as well as necessary life skills as well.) Not only the students can learn how to with others and work in a team, but also they can how mange their time and improve their organization skills. Nevertheless, (这个词表示“尽管如此”,逻辑上是让步的含义,这里后面一句说的是孩子们课余生活不丰富,和前面完全没有让步的关系。
雅思作文5.5范文《教育应更注重学术知识还是实践技能》在当今社会,关于教育应更侧重于传授学术知识还是培养实践技能的讨论愈发激烈。
这是一个复杂且关键的议题,对于个人的发展和社会的进步都有着深远的影响。
从学术知识的角度来看,其重要性不可忽视。
学术知识为我们提供了扎实的理论基础,是深入理解各个学科领域的基石。
通过系统学习数学、科学、历史、文学等科目,我们能够积累丰富的知识储备,培养逻辑思维和分析问题的能力。
这种知识的积累不仅有助于我们在学术研究中取得成果,也为日后在专业领域的进一步发展打下坚实的基础。
例如,在医学领域,学生必须掌握大量的解剖学、生理学等学术知识,才能理解人体的结构和功能,从而为诊断和治疗疾病提供依据。
在工程领域,对物理学和数学原理的精通是设计和构建复杂系统的前提。
然而,仅仅注重学术知识的传授是不够的。
实践技能在现实生活中同样至关重要。
实践技能使我们能够将所学的理论知识应用到实际情境中,提高解决问题的能力和应对挑战的灵活性。
比如,学习烹饪不仅仅是了解食材的特性和烹饪原理等学术知识,更重要的是通过实际操作,掌握切菜、调味、火候控制等实践技能,才能做出美味的菜肴。
在职业教育中,像汽车维修、木工等专业,学生需要通过大量的实际操作练习,才能熟练掌握维修和制作的技巧。
此外,实践技能还有助于培养创新精神和创造力。
当我们在实践中遇到问题时,往往需要突破传统的思维模式,寻找新的解决方案。
这种创新能力在当今快速发展的社会中尤为重要。
综上所述,教育不应单纯侧重于学术知识或实践技能,而应寻求两者的平衡。
在学校教育中,可以增加实践课程的比例,为学生提供更多动手操作的机会。
同时,教师也应该引导学生将学术知识与实践技能相结合,鼓励他们在实践中运用所学的理论知识。
对于个人而言,我们也应该意识到自身发展的需求,在学习学术知识的同时,积极主动地参与实践活动,提高自己的综合能力。
只有这样,我们才能更好地适应社会的发展和变化,为自己的未来创造更多的机会。
雅思小作文5.5分范文英文回答, In today's society, people are constantly faced with the challenge of finding a balance between work and personal life. This is a common issue that affects many individuals, as the demands of work often encroach on our personal time. However, it is important to find a way to maintain a healthy balance between the two.One way to achieve this balance is by setting boundaries and prioritizing tasks. By clearly defining your work hours and personal time, you can ensure that you are not constantly working and neglecting your personal life. Additionally, it is important to prioritize tasks and focus on what is most important, both in your work and personal life. This can help you manage your time more effectively and avoid feeling overwhelmed by the demands of both areas.Another important aspect of achieving a work-life balance is learning to say no. It is okay to decline additional work responsibilities or social invitations ifit means preserving your personal time. Learning to set boundaries and say no when necessary can help you maintain a healthy balance between work and personal life.Finally, it is important to make time for self-care and relaxation. Whether it's through exercise, hobbies, or simply spending time with loved ones, taking time for yourself is crucial for maintaining a healthy work-life balance. By prioritizing self-care, you can reduce stress and improve your overall well-being.中文回答,在当今社会,人们经常面临着在工作和个人生活之间找到平衡的挑战。
雅思作文5.5分范文雅思考试是全球范围内最受欢迎的英语语言考试之一,它的写作部分是考生们最为头疼的一部分。
在雅思写作中,要求考生们在有限的时间内,用正确的语法、拼写和标点符号,表达出自己的观点和想法。
本文将为大家提供一篇雅思作文5.5分的范文,希望能够帮助大家更好地了解雅思写作的要求和技巧。
题目本文的雅思作文题目为:“现代科技是否让人们变得更加孤独?”范文现代科技的发展给人们的生活带来了很多便利,但同时也引发了一些问题。
其中一个问题就是,现代科技是否让人们变得更加孤独?我的观点是,现代科技并没有让人们变得更加孤独,相反,它为人们提供了更多的社交机会和交流渠道。
首先,现代科技为人们提供了更多的社交机会。
随着社交媒体的兴起,人们可以通过各种社交平台与世界各地的人们进行交流。
这些社交平台包括Facebook、Twitter、Instagram等等。
通过这些平台,人们可以分享自己的生活、观点和想法,与其他人建立联系。
这些社交平台不仅可以让人们与朋友和家人保持联系,还可以让人们结识新朋友,扩大社交圈子。
其次,现代科技为人们提供了更多的交流渠道。
现在,人们可以通过各种通讯工具进行交流,包括电子邮件、即时通讯工具、视频会议等等。
这些工具可以让人们随时随地与他人进行交流,不受时间和地点的限制。
这些工具不仅可以用于个人交流,还可以用于商务交流和教育交流。
通过这些工具,人们可以更加高效地进行交流和合作,提高工作和学习效率。
当然,现代科技也存在一些负面影响。
例如,人们可能会花太多时间在社交媒体上,忽略了现实生活中的人际交往。
此外,一些人可能会过度依赖科技,导致社交能力下降。
但是,这些问题并不是科技本身的问题,而是人们使用科技的方式和态度的问题。
只要我们正确地使用科技,就可以避免这些问题。
综上所述,现代科技并没有让人们变得更加孤独,相反,它为人们提供了更多的社交机会和交流渠道。
我们应该正确地使用科技,充分利用它为我们带来的便利和机会。
●批改by 牛亚茹本次批改严格按照IELTS大作文评分标准进行。
IELTS大作文评分项:TR (题目回应程度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。
文末会进行总评及打分。
●作文题目:剑桥11 Test4大作文Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.●考生原文As the development of cities, it is hard to decide put which part of society to the first place. Governments hold that economy plays a leader role in cit ies’ development, whereas some citizens insist that other types of progress are also significant. In my opinion, I agree with the later argument.Many governments may think that only having prosperous economy can keep the society peaceful and stable. It is because strong economy can make sure that almost every resident has basic income and enjoys some welfare from governments. However, if economy suffers depressions, the living qualities of citizens will decrease, which will cause people lose a sense of happiness. The worst result is that the number of criminals will increase, having a detrimental impact on the stability of society and the safety of residents.On the other hand, some people who believe developing other kinds of progress are also necessary,as our country and some cities do not suffer economic severe problems which provide an appropriate social environment to construct other areas, such as educational institutions which can access more people to attain the opportunity to acquire knowledge. More importantly, it is education that can make young generations who are the successors of our country more competitive and knowledgeable. Also, it is essential for government to pay attention to the medical system. If getting great medical care, residents will more healthy and positive,which can help them improve concentration on working and studying. Basing on physical and mental health, people are able to devote themselves to contributions to society, which also can boost economy.Overall, without strong economy or progress in other fields, our society can not operate smoothly. In my mind, government should keep a good balance between developments of all areas.●文中标识:用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加Test 4As the development of cities,in the course of urbanization, an interesting discussion arises: it is hard to decide put which part of society to the first place. which should be given a priority, the economy or other fields?Governments hold that economy plays a leader lead/leading role in cities’ development, whereas some citizens insist that other types of progress are also significant. In my opinion, I agree with the later latter argument.A prosperity in a country’s economy does stabilize the community. It is because a strong economy can make sure that almost every resident has basic income and enjoys some welfare from governments. most citizens have satisfying living standards with decent income and state-provided welfare such as pension and free medical care.However, if economy suffers depressions, the living qualities of citizens will decrease, which will cause people lose a sense of happiness.讨论的时候要适当拉回论点However, this almost cannot be achieved during economic depressions or slowdowns. The worst result scenario is that the number of criminals criminal rates will increase可以用soar强调程度严重, having a detrimental impact on更好地表达可以是:posing threats to the stability of society and the safety of residents.On the other hand, some people who believe developing other kinds of progress are also necessary把who去掉,另外没有develop 和progress 这个搭配,建议直接写some other people believe that progresses in other fields are also necessary, as our country and some cities do not suffer economic severe problems which provide an appropriate social environment to construct other areas主题句要简洁,不包括细节和解释说明(另起一句),另外这句话语序有问题,一般把重点想表达的内容作为主句写出来:This is becausecountries and cities not suffering economic stagnation or other sever issues should promote development in some other important areas,此句中不恰当的地方还包括:1. Sever economic problems才是正确的表达;2. 搭配不当construct 一般搭配抽象名词such as educationalinstitutions which can access more people to attain the opportunity to acquire knowledge.表示做/获得……的机会/方法时,如用人作主语,建议用have access to sth. 表达;另外attain the opportunity不是个很好的搭配,且跟access意思重复,建议改为: …, which offers the population various access to standard education. More importantly, it is education that can make young generations who are the successors of our country more competitive and knowledgeable.在第一个论点中提出其他方面也值得关注,比如教育,现在直接用这个细节当做新论点不合适,建议上文举例的时候提别的方面,拿比较好拓展的教育作为一个分论点继续讨论。
雅思大作文6 6 6 5.5英文回答:In my opinion, the IELTS writing scores I received (6, 6, 6, 5.5) are somewhat disappointing. However, I believe there are several reasons behind these scores.Firstly, I think my time management skills during the writing test were not efficient enough. I struggled to complete both tasks within the given time limit. As a result, I had to rush through my writing, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion in my essays. For example, in the task 2 essay about the advantages and disadvantages of technology, I failed to provide enough supporting details and examples due to time constraints.Secondly, I believe my vocabulary and grammar usage could have been more varied and sophisticated. I tended to use simple and repetitive language, which may have affected the overall impression of my essays. For instance, insteadof using synonyms or idiomatic expressions, I often relied on basic vocabulary and sentence structures. This lack of linguistic diversity might have resulted in a lower scorein the lexical resource and grammatical range criteria.Furthermore, I think my essay organization and development could have been improved. Although I included an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, I struggled with the logical flow and coherence of my ideas.I often jumped from one point to another without proper transition, making it difficult for the reader to follow my arguments. As a result, my essays lacked a clear and well-structured development of ideas.To improve my writing scores, I plan to focus on several aspects. Firstly, I will work on my time management skills by practicing timed writing exercises. This will help me become more efficient in organizing my thoughts and completing the tasks within the given time limit. Additionally, I will expand my vocabulary and grammar knowledge by reading more academic texts and practicing using advanced language in my writing. Lastly, I will paymore attention to essay organization and development, ensuring a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout my essays.中文回答:在我看来,我所获得的雅思写作成绩(6, 6, 6, 5.5)有些令人失望。
●批改By Will
本次批改严格按照ILETS大作文评分标准进行。
ILETS大作文评分项:TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。
文末会进行总评及打分。
●文中标识:
用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加
With the rate of economy and the development of technology, people in the public hunger (表述不当,可改为in poorer condition)to receive more money to improve the level of their lifestyle. Under this background, many people start to doing part-time job. In my opinion, the disadvantages of this outweigh its advantages. There are some reasons to explain it.
First for the most (注意词组不要漏词,first and for most), taking temporary jobs can make bring heavier work pressure. In modern city, there are too much (后面的‘difficulties’是可数名词,改为many) challenging difficulties for people to overcome. It can waste their power (用词不当,改为energy)and let them not dynamic(词不达意,无法理解这里想表达什么意思). Then, part-time jobs usually start on weekend or evening which in this period for people in the public to keep balance in their health (这句话句法结构不完整,其中没有谓语,表达也不太恰当。
改为: in which the body keeps its balance). If people who have part-time jobs still work hard, they will be nervous for main jobs. So, everyone should focus on main jobs because it can help them to achieve a high grade. It’s clear that disadvantages of them (指代不清,应写出‘part-time jobs’) can cause serious mistakes.
In addition to this, part-time jobs are not suitable for some people’s major. Nowadays, diverse kinds of part-time jobs need suitable people to work. If they choose wrong jobs, they will feel terrible and can’t earn respect from others. Just like (just like后加名词作状语,不能加句子或单独作为状语,改为for example,) someone is good at teaching, but he choose a worker for his part-time job. Tried (要用名词作主语,改为Tiredness) dominated his body and take control of his main job. These negative affects can influence the waste of resource (用词不当,不该用’influence’,改为:can induce the waste of resources).
To sum up, people in the mordent city almost suffer from heavier work pressure. Whatever how much money they can receive, people should consternate to their major. In my opinion, this way is not a positive measure to reduce struggles from other aspects. So, I claim that
disadvantages of temporary jobs are more than the advantages.
总评5.5 (TR5.5 CC5.5 LR5.0 GRA5.5)
1.语法问题不多,但是句型变化不多。
2.用词不当依旧是比较严重的问题,可以总结一下你每次哪些词用的不对吧,一起复习。
3.下一次试图写一下问题的双边,不是说你支持一边就不用说另一边的,这样显得比较片面,内容上也不太完整。