美剧Boston Legal波士顿法律第1季10第集剧本(英文)

Boston LegalIt Girls and BeyondSeason 1, Episode 13Written by Jonathan Shapiro and David E. Kelley© 2005 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: January 23, 2005Transcribed by Imamess of JSMP for JSMP and At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Lori Colson is in her office. Brad Chase is with her.Lori Colson: The trial starts tomorrow?Brad Chase: I can bring you up to speed on it. The facts are straight forward.Lori Colson: And why can’t Tara do it?Brad Chase: Well… Tara’s a junior associate. This trial’s gonna to be in the news, it’s hardly the kind of case that…Lori Colson: Brad! It isn’t the case so much as it is the client? Right? And it isn’t who she is, so much as what she is, right? What is she Brad? He doesn’t answer. Can’t you even say the word?Brad Chase: I can say it.Lori Colson: Well, what is she Brad?Brad Chase: She’s a… homosexual.Lori Colson: And what’s the word for a female homosexual?Brad Chase: Lesbian.Lori Colson: I couldn’t really hear that.Brad Chase: She’s a lesbian.Lori Colson: Hah! You don’t wanna do the case because your client’s a lesbian? Brad Chase: Lori, this is a high profile case. I’ve worked my entire life to associate with decency and what is good for America.Lori Colson: And lesbians are bad for America?Brad Chase: They have bad values. Reflects poorly on all of us.Lori Colson: As a nation? He sighs. Now would you like to tell me the real reason? Brad Chase: What do you mean?Lori Colson: I know for a fact you’ve represented gay clients before.Brad Chase: Not on television. Not in the news.Lori Colson: Brad, we’re friends. Level with me. What is it about this particular lesbian?Brad Chase: I’m attracted to her.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, at the morning staff meeting in the conference. Alan Shore: Why does Shirley get to skip the staff meetings?Paul Lewiston: She’s got a trial in New York later this week so she has a busy day. Brad Chase: Some of us have trials today, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to cut out. Lori Colson: What’s your case about, Brad?Alan Shore: What is it about?Brad Chase: It involves interference with contractual relations.Alan Shore: You mean… lesbians?Paul Lewiston: Where are you?Brad Chase: Today they’re calling Tracy to testify that her ex-lover was…Alan Shore: Lesbian, ex-lover.Brad Chase: ... to testify that Tracy was scamming her for money. Tracy was in fact not an actual bonified…Alan Shore: Lesbian?Brad Chase: You like saying it?Alan Shore: I do.Brad Chase: Say it again!Alan Shore: Lesbian.Brad Chase: Keep going.Alan Shore: Lesbian. Lesbian. Lesbian. All together now!All: Lesbian!Alan Shore: I also like to watch. How many people have…Paul Lewiston: All right, that’s enough, this is a staff meeting. I’ll ask you all to conduct yourselves appropriately and professionally.Catherine Piper: She comes in with a plate of cookies. Cookies everyone! Nourishment is most important in the morning.Paul Lewiston: Who is this woman?Catherine Piper: Take two Tara, you’re a rail.Paul Lewiston: Who is this woman?Catherine Piper: The ones on the left have a little bran. To help our older lawyers with their routine.Paul Lewiston: Who is this woman?Catherine Piper: I’m Catherine Piper. I’m Alan’s new assistant. My! Don’t you have an interesting face?Paul Lewiston: We are in the middle of a staff meeting.Catherine Piper: No need to be snippy, Dear. Especially since I come bearing treats. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. To Lori. You certainly make one. All that bleach.Paul Lewiston: Ma’m? You will have to leave.Catherine Piper: I’m beginning to not like you.Denny Crane: Well! If you’ll excuse me, I have a trial myself.Paul Lewiston: You have a trial?Denny Crane: Yes, tomorrow morning. I’ve gotta go meet with my client.Paul Lewiston: What kind of trial?Denny Crane: Criminal. It’s a doctor who did… something… against the law.Paul Lewiston: Who else is with you on this trial?Denny Crane: Nobody. I decided to fly solo. Think about that! Tell Shirley. Denny Crane without a co-pilot.Paul Lewiston: Dear God in heaven.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in the men’s room. Alan comes out of a stall to find Shirley leaning against the counter, waiting for him.Alan Shore: Shirley?Shirley Schmidt: Alan?Alan Shore: You’re in the men’s room again.Shirley Schmidt: I need a favor.Alan Shore: Certainly. My stall or yours?Shirley Schmidt: Driving into work this morning, I heard of a trial involving this new wonder diet drug… the drug, and accordingly the trial, are making the news. And then I heard something very disturbing. The name of the lawyer handling the defense.Alan Shore: Denny Crane.Shirley Schmidt: Nobody wants this firm held up to ridicule. Nobody wants Denny exposed.Alan Shore: I’ve been in court with Denny. He knows what he’s doing, at least fifty percent of the time.Shirley Schmidt: I like him. You like him. I have to be in New York.Denny Crane: He comes in.If she tries to pee standing up come and get me. He goes into a stall. Lock and Load.At the courthouse, Brad, Tracy Green and Tara Wilson are walking down the corridor.Tara Wilson: Tracy, we can still make this go away.Tracy Green: How many times must you both say that?Brad Chase: Until you consider it. Are you sure you want your personal life probed, with details at 11:00?Tracy Green: I didn’t steal from her. And I won’t offer her anything to settle. I’d appreciate you being on my side.Brad Chase: Hey! I’m on your side.Tracy Green: Right.In Judge William Connolly’s courtroom Stephanie Rogers is in the witness chair.Stephanie Rogers: We met at an AIDs fundraiser about two years ago. We were both publicists so we had a lot in common.Attorney Morrison: And at some point, Ms Rogers, you and the defendant became lovers?Stephanie Rogers: Yes. She moved into my home, ultimately we became business partners and formed Rogers and Green, which became one of the top PR firms in Boston.Attorney Morrison: And what happened?Stephanie Rogers: Well, quite simply, after she gained access to my files and my clients she stole them.Brad Chase: Objection!Judge William Connolly: Sustained.Stephanie Rogers: I since learned that she’s not even gay, that she basically pretended to be so that she could gain access to my client roster.Attorney Morrison: Now Ms Rogers, when you allege that the defendant pretended to be gay…Stephanie Rogers: She had boyfriends before me and one after, perhaps that makes her bisexual, it doesn’t make any difference, because I specifically asked her that at the beginning of our relationship.Attorney Morrison: Whether she was bisexual?Stephanie Rogers: Yes. I’d been hurt before by heterosexual women experimenting, and I didn’t wanna go down that road again. She told me she was gay. That was a lie, one that cost me valuable clients.Brad Chase: Just let me understand this. The bases of your claim is that my client faked her sexual orientation for the sole purpose of getting you to fall in love with her so that she could move into your home… and business and steal your clients? Stephanie Rogers: Yes!Brad Chase: When in fact it wasn’t only your business. You built it up together over the two years.Stephanie Rogers: I founded the company, and most of the clients that she left with were mine.Brad Chase: Now Ms Rogers, as business partners, as a couple, you two were quite prominent. Isn’t that right? Your photos were constantly in the Globe or Boston magazine being called the new IT Girls. You two got more publicity than your clients.Stephanie Rogers: It works to the client’s benefit as well, so I don’t see your point. Brad Chase: My point is you two got a lot of publicity together, as a couple, business just went through the roof. Even if you were defrauded, it wasn’t exactly to your financial detriment.Stephanie Rogers: It was certainly to my detriment, when she left.Brad Chase: Well, but even so. You make more money now than you did before even meeting Tracy, so how could you have been hurt?Stephanie Rogers: How have I been hurt? She caused me to fall in love with her! That…Brad Chase: That’s what this really about. Isn’t it Ms Rogers? This isn’t a business dispute. This is a domestic one. Did she break your heart?Attorney Morrison: Objection!Judge William Connolly: I’ll allow it.Brad Chase: Did she break your heart?Stephanie Rogers: Yes.Brad Chase: You were in love with her? Now Ms Rogers, during the two years that you were together with my client, do you feel that she was in love with you? Stephanie Rogers: Yes.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Denny’s office. Denny is with a client, Dr Robert Mclean.Dr Robert Mclean: Obviously should I get a criminal conviction that will only make it easier for AMA to take a way my medical license.Brad Chase: Well, you’re gonna lose your license Bob, so I won’t worry about…Dr Robert McLean: Why? There are many doctors out there prescribing medication the FDA hasn’t approved for…Denny Crane: May I stop you? Don’t be self-righteous. It’s annoying.Alan Shore: He comes in.Sorry I’m late.Denny Crane: What are you doing here?Alan Shore: You asked me to second-chair, Denny. Remember? To Dr Mclean. Alan Shore.Dr Robert McLean: He shakes Alan’s hand.Bob McLean.Denny Crane: Alan? He waves Alan into another room. I never asked you to second-chair.Alan Shore: Sure you did, Denny! You said you were trying the case…Denny Crane: Solo! I said, “Solo!”Alan Shore: Well I thought you asked for backup, so I guess one of us is losing our mind.Denny Crane: What do you mean by that?Alan Shore: Denny, I’m here! As you know I’m starved for criminal work.Denny Crane: I want to do this alone.Alan Shore: Is this about proving something? You said, “Tell Shirley.” Is about proving to Shirley Schmidt you haven’t slipped?Denny Crane: Excuse me. I’m in a meeting.Alan Shore: Denny, I don’t have time to say this nicely. So! I’m just gonna say it with all the rough edges. This is a criminal proceeding; that man’s liberty could be at stake. I’m jumping in, second-chair, to cover his ass, and yes, possibly yours as well.In a bar, Brad and Tracy are having a drink.Brad Chase: Could it be possible she’s doing this for the publicity?Tracy Green: Suing me?Brad Chase: Well, call me a cynic, but for two years you’re the IT girls. You’re Boston’s top publicists. Business starts to wane. You leave. She’s suddenly not the flavor of the month. She sues you. Presto! Hot copy is the Split Girls all over again. For the cost of attorney and filing fee she’s featured on every newscast.Tracy Green: As much as she love’s the limelight, Stephanie’s honorable.Brad Chase: Yeah, I wonder.Tracy Green: Is there a reason you keep looking at me like that?Brad Chase: Like what?Tracy Green: I make you nervous. You need to get over that.Brad Chase: So how many men have you been with?Tracy Green: Why are you asking?At Crane, Poole and Schmidt in the kitchen. Lori and Brad are having a cup of coffee.Brad Chase: I asked her because she’s going to be asked on the stand why she has such a hard time giving me a straight answer. However…Lori Colson: Is because?Brad Chase: I have doubts that she really is one.Lori Colson: A homosexual?Brad Chase: Yes.Brad Chase: And are these doubts based on the plaintiff’s evidence? Or your own scientific compass?Lori Colson: Is she attracted to you, Brad?Brad Chase: She might be. Lori chuckles. What?Lori Colson: Why is it men…? I mean is it the idea of losing one to the other side, or is it since you have feeling for her you’re anxious to feel it’s mutual?Brad Chase: You see? You sucker me with this buddy talk; get me to reveal my feelings. But when I do… you punish me with them.Lori Colson: I thought you were attracted to me.Brad Chase: You don’t wanna go there.Lori Colson: Even so. To be forgotten so easily. And for a homosexual?Brad Chase: Is there something taped to my head that says, “Mock me.”? Catherine Piper: She comes in and goes to get a cup of coffee.Isn’t coffee a lovely drug? I love brain stimulants, don’t you? Uh, Catherine Piper!Brad Chase: Brad Chase.Catherine Piper: Brad Chase? You’re defending a lesbian!Brad doesn’t reply. He just leaves.Lori Colson: Hi! I’m Lori Colson, we haven’t officially met.Catherine Piper: Hello, Dear. Catherine Piper.Lori Colson: For the future. I don’t really appreciate comments about my hair. Catherine Piper: Oh! I’m sorry. I was just trying to make conversation. And I assumed you wouldn’t want me to go anywhere near your eyebrows.In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom, Mark Harrison is on the stand.Mark Harrison: I tried diets. All of them. I exercised. I’d gone on Phen Phen years ago, and that helped a little, but… mainly I just kept gettin bigger.A.D.A. Howard Zale: And at some point the defendant mentioned a new drug? Mark Harrison: Yes. I forgot how he said he had access to it, but, basically he said he had this new drug, not on the market yet, called Vermonaband, and studies showed, how, it could help people lose weight. And desperate as I was, I just said, “Yes.”A.D.A. Howard Zale: He sold you this drug? In his office?Mark Harrison: Yes. And he told me not to tell anyone, because he said it was illegal for him to be giving it to me.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Thank you, Mr Harrison.Denny Crane: Can’t help but notice, you’re really fat.Mark Harrison: Yes.Denny Crane: Been fatter?Mark Harrison: Much.Denny Crane: Drug worked?Mark Harrison: Huge! I mean I lost weight. My cholesterol went down. My HDL actually went up!Denny Crane: HmMark Harrison: I mean it was a godsend. Of course, till the… you know, police cut off my supplier.Alan Shore: Objection to the word ‘supplier’, Your Honor. It makes my client sound like a drug dealer.Denny Crane: Well he is a drug dealer, he sold him drugs.Alan Shore: Yes! But there’s a bias that goes with the word ‘dealer’. He simply prescribed a medicine to help him live.Denny Crane: He’s right.Alan Shore: This man almost died. Didn’t he?Denny Crane: Didn’t you?Mark Harrison: I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes. I mean, I was at serious risk for a major heart attack or a stroke, probably still am.Denny Crane: Since you stopped taking the drug?Mark Harrison: I’m having problems again.Denny Crane: Did my client tell you that this drug is unapproved by the FDA?Mark Harrison: Yes.Denny Crane: Did he tell you that there could be side affects?Mark Harrison: Yes.Denny Crane: You were fully informed?Mark Harrison: I was.Denny Crane: You consented?Mark Harrison: I did.Denny Crane: Take it again?Mark Harrison: Absolutely!Denny Crane: Like the doctor?Mark Harrison: Love him.Denny Crane: How’s your memory.Mark Harrison: My memory’s fine.Denny Crane: What’s my name.Mark Harrison: Denny Crane.Denny Crane: Like you mean it.Mark Harrison: Denny Crane!Denny Crane: What’s my name?!!Mark Harrison: Denny Crane!!!Denny Crane: No further questions.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Brad office. He and Tracy are watching a newscast.Newsperson: Stephanie Rogers is essentially accusing Ms Green of being a heterosexual in sheep’s clothing. If successful the plaintiff could potentially receive a judgment in excess of seven figures. Which why perhaps this…Tracy Green: Wait, she wasn’t finished!Brad Chase: It doesn’t matter how it’s playing out in public Tracy. What matters is the twelve people in that box.Tracy Green: And?Brad Chase: I can’t tell. Well you’ve dated more men than women, so that puts you on the heterosexual side of the fence. You certainly could have been confused as they said, but... the problem is you’re coming off as anything but indecisive. You seem like a woman who knows exactly what you want.Tracy Green: What is that supposed to mean?Brad Chase: Nothing.Tracy Green: They stare at each other.You actually think that I’m attracted to you. Brad Chase: I just believe you should be straight with people. But you know what I mean. I smell some decent here.Tracy Green: I’m gay, Brad. Do you want me to take a lie detector?In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom, Dr Leonard Raskin is on the stand.Dr.Leonard Raskin: People lament the cost of health care, they cry over soaring litigation costs and scream about the eroding integrity of our medical profession. The conduct of this doctor and others like him are to blame.Denny Crane: Oh… Lighten up man.Judge Paul Resnick: Mr Crane! You’ll get your turn.Dr Leonard Raskin: We have rules. One is we do not go prescribing experimental drugs that the FDA hasn’t approved for market.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Even if the patient consents?Dr Leonard Raskin: The patient will always follow the lead of his doctor. For God’s sake look what people buy off infomercials. They’ll try anything, hair potions; pills that make you lose weight while you sleep. Desperate people will try anything. And when you have a licensed doctor saying, “Here. Take this.”? They will.Denny Crane: This isn’t a potion. This drug works.Dr Leonard Raskin: In preliminary studies. But there’s much, much, more testing to be done.Denny Crane: How long does it take the FDA to approve a drug?Dr Leonard Raskin: It isn’t quick, but…Denny Crane: How long?Dr Leonard Raskin: Nine years.Denny Crane: My client’s patient would be dead by then. But, hey! You got your rules.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Objection!Denny Crane: Oh be quiet.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Your Honor, he can’t tell me to be quiet.Judge Paul Resnick: Let him have his turn, Mr Zale.Denny Crane: You say that doctors shouldn’t prescribe non-FDA-approved drugs as a rule.Dr Leonard Raskin: Yes.Denny Crane: Doctors don’t prescribe medications for things that the FDA hasn’t approved them for?Dr Leonard Raskin: Off label prescriptions happen, but…Denny Crane: Doctor, have you ever prescribed a drug that wasn’t approved for the particular condition you were treating?Dr Leonard Raskin: Yes, but…Denny Crane: And doctor, if you were overweight, and at risk for an eminent stroke or heart attack. Is it your testimony that you would never consider taking Vermonaband?Dr Leonard Raskin: For myself, I might, but...Denny Crane: But, you wouldn’t give your patient the same opportunity, because you have rules.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Lori is in her office, Brad is with her.Lori Colson: You’re going to be the first lawyer sued by his client for sexual harassment.Brad Chase: I’m a good lawyer because I got a nose for the truth, Lori.Lori Colson: You’re attracted to her, Brad. It’s clouding your nose. Are you falling in love with this woman?Brad Chase: What? Please.Lori Colson: Are you?Brad Chase: Of course not. I put a tail on her.Lori Colson: I beg your pardon?Brad Chase: I hired a PI, just to follow her around, see who she sees.Lori Colson: What she sees. You’re trying to out her as a heterosexual.Brad Chase: I don’t like surprises in court.Lori Colson: Okay. First? You could lose your bar ticket for putting a tail…Brad Chase: Why? It’s not that big of a deal.Lori Colson: Brad! She’s your client! Second, let the jury decide whether or not she’s being truthful. You just be her lawyer, and only… And third, stop hitting on her.Brad leaves and walks out. Out in the corridor he walks by a group of people standing around a table.Alan Shore: Hey Brad? All together now!All: Lesbian!Shirley comes up.Shirley Schmidt: Boy? How’s our trial going?Denny Crane: You think I’m just gonna wither up and die in there, don’t you? Shirley Schmidt: All these references to our sex life, Denny.Denny Crane: Tell her how I’m doing, Alan.Shirley Schmidt: Please. Since he can’t recall.Alan Shore: He’s been amazing! I’d say we have a better than even chance. Denny Crane: Ah. He and Alan leave.Shirley Schmidt: To Catherine Piper standing next to her.Hello?Catherine Piper: Hello.Shirley Schmidt: Is there a reason you’re snuggled up to me?Catherine Piper: Why yes! I understand you’re the boss, Dear. I’m sucking up. Shirley Schmidt: By standing next to me?Catherine Piper: Yes! With me by your side, Dear, you almost look young!Shirley Schmidt: I have no idea who you are. But I like you.Catherine Piper: He-he-he.Shirley Schmidt: To Alan walking by.Is he really doing okay?Alan Shore: The firm is safe from ridicule.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Alan is in his office.Denny Crane: He comes in.What did she want? Make sure I’m competent?Alan Shore: Something like that. You were more that competent today Denny, you were good, very good.Denny Crane: I know.Alan Shore: We must be doing our crosswords these days.Denny Crane: Did she ask you to backstop me?Alan Shore: It was my idea.Denny Crane: Damn liar.Alan Shore: I like doing cases with you Denny. Can’t you just accept that? It’s fun. Denny Crane: Fun. Fine. I’ll go with that then.Alan Shore: You have seemed especially acute. Are we taking something?Denny Crane: I just rubbed on a little clear cream. It was just for muscle cramps. Alan Shore: Denny? Are you taking something?Denny Crane: What I’m taking is good care of myself. The old Denny Crane is coming back.In Judge William Connolly’s courtroom.Tracy Green: My business had reached sort of a plateau, and I felt I could do better solo. And truthfully, I thought that she might to.Brad Chase: Now before leaving, did you tell your clients?Tracy Green: Absolutely not! I left. I contacted them. They decided to come with me. In that order.Brad Chase: Now Tracy, we’ve heard the accusation that you pretended to love Stephanie for business reasons.Tracy Green: It’s absolutely false. I… I fell in love with her. I mean, the idea that I could feign love for two plus years… just… you know how much I loved you, Stephanie.Judge William Connolly: Ms Green, please do not address anyone but me or your council.Tracy Green: I never lied to her about my sexual orientation, and I’m offended by that.Attorney Morrison: How many women had you been with prior to your relationship with my client.Brad Chase: Objection!Judge William Connolly: Overruled. However salacious, it’s in issue.Attorney Morrison: How many women?Tracy Green: One.Attorney Morrison: One? And prior to your relationship with my client, how many men had you had sexual relationships with?Tracy Green: Several.Attorney Morrison: Several? More than five?Tracy Green: Yes.Attorney Morrison: More than ten?Tracy Green: I wanted to lead a heterosexual life, eventually I realized…Attorney Morrison: My client asked you if you were bisexual. You answered, “No.” Tracy Green: Because I’m not. I may have been with men in the past but ultimately I realized I preferred women.Attorney Morrison: How many relationships have you had since Stephanie?Tracy Green: One.Attorney Morrison: A man or a woman.Tracy Green: Well, the breakup with Stephanie was extremely painful…Attorney Morrison: Your subsequent relationship was with a man or a woman? Tracy Green: A man.Attorney Morrison: A man? Now you spoke earlier about the exact order of how things went down. Rewinding a little further back, you met Stephanie,.became her lover, eventually became her business partner, left with clients and files, began having an affair with a man. Did I get the order right?At the courthouse, Tracy and Brad go into a witness room.Tracy Green: I just got destroyed. Didn’t I?Brad Chase: You didn’t get destroyed. It was a tough cross but I thought you held up.Tracy Green: Really?Brad Chase: Really.Tracy Green: You know, to think that I’m straight is to believe that I’m a profoundly dishonest person, and I’m not dishonest, Brad.Brad Chase: Okay.Tracy Green: You know, I can take you doubting my sexual orientation, but my character, I uh…Brad Chase: I don’t doubt you.Brad and Tara are in an elevator.Brad Chase: She’s trying to admit something.Tara Wilson: What? That she’s not gay?Brad Chase: I don know. Maybe.Tara Wilson: You’re making a fool of yourself, Brad.Brad Chase: I know when I’m being deceived, Tara.Tara Wilson: The deception is self-inflicted. You’re infatuated with her and you want to believe it’s reciprocal. She’s probably more interested in me, than you. You’re making a fool of yourself.In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom.Dr Robert Mclean: I considered it life or death. He was at risk of cardiac arrest, diabetes.Denny Crane: And this drug was your only resort?Dr Robert Mclean: It was my last resort. Believe me, I’m not in the habit of prescribing non-approved drugs, but this…Denny Crane: Doctor, would you tell the jury, and me to, for that matter cause I’ve forgotten, how Veromanabin works?Dr Robert Mclean: I suppresses a protein in the brain that makes you want to eat. In fact this drug blocks nearly all cravings. It can be used to help people quit smoking, drinking, which is why it’s been called the wonder drug.A.D.A. Howard Zale: So! You just figured what the hell, why wait for proof?Dr Robert Mclean: My patient couldn’t wait Mr Zale. He was looking at an eminent physical demise. In medical terms we call it death.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Any published studies on this drug? To justify this wonder status you give it?Dr Robert Mclean: Not yet.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Has this drug been approved for sale?Dr Robert Mclean: Not yet.A.D.A. Howard Zale: How’d you get your hands on this drug doctor?Dr Robert Mclean: I had a connection at one of the clinics where it’s being tested. I won’t reveal more than that.A.D.A. Howard Zale: You’re a licensed doctor, prescribing a drug not approved by the FDA, to desperate patients.Dr Robert Mclean: With a full warning.A.D.A. Howard Zale: How can warn about a drug side affect you don’t know about? Dr Robert Mclean: The warning I gave Mr Harrison was exactly that! This drug may have side affects we don’t know about.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Possible fatal side effects?Dr Robert Mclean: There’s no evidence of that.A.D.A. Howard Zale: So you decide…Dr Robert Mclean: Balancing the benefits against the known risks of a coronary if he doesn’t take it, I favor taking the medication.A.D.A. Howard Zale: This is an experimental drug!Dr Robert Mclean: Which I have no financial in.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Which you boot leg!Dr Robert Mclean: My only concern was a patient’s health.A.D.A. Howard Zale: So! Doctor’s should feel free to ignore the FDA whenever they choose?Dr Robert Mclean: I never said that.A.D.A. Howard Zale: Oh, so you should feel free whenever you choose?Dr Robert Mclean: Sometimes desperate circumstances require desperate measures.A.D.A. Howard Zale: And desperate people will do anything, won’t they?At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in the men’s room, Denny is standing in front of a urinal.Paul Lewiston: He comes in.Denny?Denny Crane: You’re checking on me in here too? Think I’ve forgotten how to piss? Paul Lewiston: I beg your pardon?Denny Crane: Tired of being followed around like some patient! I change my underwear every day. I know how to practice law! And if you’re the one who assigned Alan Shore to backstop me then you’d better stop…Paul Lewiston: You’d listen!Denny Crane: I’m still talking.Paul Lewiston: Now I’m talking. You arrogant old fart! You have a client facing prison time. You have no right to exalt your ego.Denny Crane: Don’t you talk to me in that…Paul Lewiston: Shut up! I am sick of you feeling sorry for yourself and only yourself. It was selfish of you to try this case solo. Do not start a war with me here. You may not win it!Denny Crane: That’s why you brought Shirley back? To build an alliance! Guess you’re the one who forgot how to piss.In Judge William Connolly’s courtroom, Attorney Morrison is giving his closing argument.Attorney Morrison: Does it smell right to you? She had a history of men before my client; she never hinted to her best friends that she was anything but heterosexual; she had an affair with a man after she left my client. Her only fling with homosexuality just happened to coincide with the biggest financial windfall of her life. Suddenly being gay got her money. Got her profiled about town, in magazines, on TV as an IT girl. New found fame, new found money, new found sexual orientation. Does it smell right to you?Brad Chase: In order to make a Cause Of Action for fraud, one must prove that he or she relied on the fraud to his or her own detriment. Now after partnering with my client, Ms Roger’s financial and professional fortunes soared. She benefited. In fact one might even say, considering the media coverage of this lawsuit that she’s actually benefiting from the breakup because as any PR professional knows, there’s no such thing as bad publicity. But if you’re determined to get hung-up on the issue, “Is Tracy Green gay or not?”, “Did she really love Stephanie or not?” consider Stephanie’s own testimony when I asked her, during the relationship, as she was living it, did she feel that Tracy loved her, and she answered was, “Yes.”。

Boston LegalA Greater GoodSeason 1, Episode 9Written by Peter Ocko© 2004 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights ReservedAirdate: December 12, 2004Transcribed by Sheri for [version updated June 14, 2006]Courtroom #1Mr. Milner: It is also my expert opinion that the document analysis is reliable as these handwriting samples are comparatively similar.Attorney: I see. Ah well, would you go into more depth . . .Lori Colson: I am so bored.Brad Chase: Shhh.Lori Colson: I need to get back to the office. I have so much work to do on the Meyers case.Mr. Milner: The sample provided on the top contains the same content as the original on the bottom. Namely, they are both the subject’s signature. No pun intended. chuckles Namely.Attorney: So, Mr. Millner, can we . . .Lori Colson: This is actually killing me. Part of me is dying.Brad Chase: Shhh.Bomber: I have a bomb.A chorus of gasps.Lori Colson: This is better.Bomber: Remember me, Judge? Fifteen to twenty for aggravated manslaughter? Well, I got out today. And you know what? I’m still aggravated!Brad Chase arises, and approaches Bomber.Bomber: Sit down.Brad Chase: Do you mind? We’re trying to conduct a trial here.Bomber runs over to the witness chair, and grabs Mr. Milner by the jacket.Bomber: Get over here!Mr. Milner whimpers.Bomber: D—did you hear me? I said I had a bomb!Brad Chase: No, you don’t. And here’s why. A—You said manslaughter, which means that you didn’t have the guts for murder one the first time around.Bomber: What?Brad Chase: B—If you’re clever enough to make that aggravation joke, you’re clever enough to know that threatening to have a bomb carries a much lesser sentence than actually wearing one. C—That coat is fairly svelte. And D—If you really had a bomb, you wouldn’t need to have a hostage. Would you?Bomber: I do have a bomb.Brad Chase: Come on. We’ve got two more expert witnesses to get through by lunch. To Mr. Milner: I’m assuming you could speed through your testimony just to keep up with our schedule.Mr. Milner: Uh, huh.Bomber: You sit down, or I’ll blow this thing!Brad Chase: You don’t have a bomb.Bomber: Yes, I do!Brad Chase: No, you don’t.Bomber: Yes, I do!Brad Chase: Prove it.Judge Morgan Baker: Mr. Chase, perhaps . . .Brad Chase: I was a hostage negotiator as a Marine. This man does not have a bomb.Bomber: I—I do too!Brad Chase: You’re interrupting, sir.Judge Morgan Baker: Mr. Chase . . .Brad Chase: Show me the bomb.Bomber: I’ll blow this thing.Judge Morgan Baker: Mr. Chase.Brad Chase: Show it to me. starts to walk toward BomberBomber: I’m not gonna show you.Brad Chase:now right in front of Bomber I didn’t think so.Bomber: Huh? Fine.Bomber opens his trench coat and reaches in, as Brad Chase slugs him, knocking him out cold. Judge arises to watch Brad Chase open the trench coat to reveal a large, home-made bomb strapped to his chest and abdomen. A chorus of gasps, including Judge Morgan Baker, who collapses into his chair. Brad Chase: What do you know?[credits]Denny Crane’s OfficeDenny Crane: What’s that thing?Alan Shore:wearing a Christmas tree star topper with multiple flashing light modes on his head It’s an ornament. Christmas tree ornament.Denny Crane: Can’t go to court like that.Alan Shore: Of course not. worried smile You okay, Denny.Denny Crane:sighs It’s this case. It seems like I’ve done nothing else but work on it for the last three weeks. Alan Shore: What in particular about the case is bothering you?Denny Crane: I don’t know what it’s about. I—it’s . . . well . . . If you, say, were going to briefly describe it to someone who was clueless, what would you say?Alan Shore: I’d say we represent a big drug company.Denny Crane: Yes. That’s the part I like.Alan Shore: Then, I’d say they’re being sued by a woman who claims she was wrongfully removed from the company’s clinical trial of a potent new diabetes medicine.Denny Crane: That’s where I lose track.Alan Shore: Special pills make woman happy. Company take pills away. Woman sue to get back on special pills.Denny Crane: Got it.Martin Jeffries:entering Denny.Denny Crane: Martin. Hey. shaking his hand Martin. You remember Alan Shore.Martin Jeffries turns to Alan Shore just in time to see the Christmas star blinking.Alan Shore: It’s an ornament. I head the office cheer committee.Martin Jeffries: Since I received no late-night call last night, I assume we didn’t settle.Denny Crane: We informed your in-house counsel.Martin Jeffries: I like to hear things from you. I feel I have a direct relationship with you.Denny Crane: We didn’t settle.Martin Jeffries: I don’t really understand this. Every legal opinion I’ve gotten says the merits fall one-sidedly in our favor.Alan Shore: Legal opinions only go to the law, Mr. Jeffries. I had opportunity to view the plaintiff’s videotaped deposition. She comes off as an extremely sympathetic and likable person.Martin Jeffries: And?Alan Shore: You don’t. Our fear, and the plaintiff’s hope is that the jury will like her and feel for her pain, and attempt to alleviate said pain with millions and millions of your dollars.Martin Jeffries: I was under the impression I hired attorneys who could employ reason and intellect to offset the emotion inuring to the plaintiff’s favor. Did I hire the wrong law firm, Mr. Shore?Alan Shore: Certainly not, sir. You’ve hired the best.Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtLori Colson: Paul. showing him a DVD-ROM The Meyers age discrimination case—we just got the DVD-ROM delivered. Sixty five hundred pages of McNamara documents. Every useless document they could dump on here.Paul Lewiston: Well, they’re probably not ready and this is meant to slow us down.Lori Colson: Right. And they want to force us to ask for a continuance because they know Judge Simmons won’t give them any.Paul Lewiston: Well, we won’t be asking for one. Uh, Miss Heep? Uh, Miss Wilson? We have a trial next week. Lori will fill you in. I want you to pore through this document. The likelihood is it contains nothing relevant but we can’t take any chances. Lori will tell you what to look for.Sally Heep: I’m sorry. Um, can you get somebody to take my place on this, please?Paul Lewiston: You have something else more pressing?Sally Heep: No, but I prefer not to work on this case.Paul Lewiston: Why not?Sally Heep: It’s personal.Paul Lewiston: You are making it professional.Sally Heep: I’m—I’m—I’m just not—I—I—I’m uncomfortable working with Tara.Paul Lewiston: Because?Sally Heep: I used to sleep with Alan Shore, and now she does.Tara Wilson:pointing at Lori Colson And she wants to.Lori Colson: I do not!Lori Colson’s OfficeLori Colson opens the door and waves Tara Wilson in.Lori Colson: How dare you make a remark to one of the most senior partners of this firm that I want to sleep with another associate here? Even if I did want to sleep with Alan Shore, which I assure you I do not, but even if your remark was truthful, it would not make it any less inappropriate.Tara Wilson: You’re right. I apologize.Lori Colson: Do you bear some ill will towards me?Tara Wilson: No. I suppose I regressed to the childish defense that everybody else is doing it.Lori Colson: But I’m not doing it, Tara. I’m not sleeping with Mr. Shore, which you very well know.Tara Wilson: I only said you wanted to. And again, I apologize. My remark was, as you say, completely inappropriate, however accurate.Tara Wilson exits, Lori Colson mocking her last words as she leaves.Courtroom #2Marybeth Hewitt: I’ve had type II diabetes since I was 25. It’s been the same medicines pretty much the whole time.Atty. Greg Montero: And when you were invited to participate in a clinical trial of SV113, what did your daily regimen become?Marybeth Hewitt: I took one pill in the morning when I woke up.Atty. Greg Montero: That’s all?Marybeth Hewitt: That was it. I had more energy. I was even losing weight. And no more needles. It was a godsend, until they took it away.Atty. Greg Montero: And how did that happen?Marybeth Hewitt: My doctor told me that the company had kicked me off the test. He said that I had broken the rules of the trial, but I didn’t. I didn’t do anything wrong.Atty. Greg Montero: And after you were taken off the test?Marybeth Hewitt: My health deteriorated again rapidly.Atty. Greg Montero: Can you tell us your prognosis today?Marybeth Hewitt: I’m dying. I’ve got probably five to six years, unless something changes drastically.Alan Shore: What reason did the company give for removing you from the SV113 study?Marybeth Hewitt: Noncompliance. But I complied.Alan Shore: You’re a heavy smoker. Is that correct, Mrs. Hewitt?Marybeth Hewitt: I quit.Alan Shore: When did you quit, if I may ask?Marybeth Hewitt: A week before the study.Alan Shore: Just like that? Two packs a day, cold turkey?Marybeth Hewitt: My life depended on it.Alan Shore: Some of the doctors and clinicians, uh, smelled cigarette smoke on you during your exams. Marybeth Hewitt: My husband’s a chain smoker. It was his smoke they smelled on my clothes.Alan Shore: Amazing. You smoked two packs a day, you live with a chain smoker, and you’re able to just quit, cold turkey.Atty. Greg Montero: Objection.Judge Dale Wallace: Sustained.Alan Shore: Mrs. Hewitt, 177 million people in the world have diabetes. This drug study is the only way to get SV113—the drug you yourself called a godsend—approved for sale. 177 million people are counting on you to follow the rules, Mrs. Hewitt.Marybeth Hewitt: Which I did.Alan Shore: With the stakes being so enormously high, with some 70 thousand people dying every year from diabetes, with a desperate need to develop a drug that can save those lives, you realize how important it is for my client not to take any chances, don’t you?Marybeth Hewitt: I followed all the rules.Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtDenny Crane: All in all, I don’t think she hurt us.Alan Shore: She hurt us. I saw the jury. How badly she hurt us . . . Where’s our expert?Denny Crane: Should be waiting in the conference room.Alan Shore: I’ll meet you there.Denny Crane: Sally. May I offer you one little piece of advice?Sally Heep: Okay.Denny Crane: You’re an extremely beautiful young woman.Sally Heep: Thanks for the tip.Denny Crane: That’s not the advice. The advice is be on the ware of lecherous senior partners who are looking for the slightest excuse to plant a big wet one on you.Sally Heep: Excuse me?Denny Crane: They lurk. And when beautiful women such as yourself stand under the mistletoe . . .Sally Heep looks up at the mistletoe installed at the top of the doorway under which she is standing. Alan Shore:grabbing Denny Crane before he can make another move Let’s go meet our expert, Denny. Denny Crane: Mm, boy. I had the blood flow going.Alan Shore: No doubt.Conference Room at CP&SThere is a beautiful woman in high heels serving herself water while waiting.Denny Crane: Dr. Gerard?Dr. Amanda Gerard: Yes.Denny Crane: Denny Crane; single. Alan Shore.Dr. Amanda Gerard:holding out her hand to shake Alan Shore’s Hello.Alan Shore: Very nice to meet you.Alan Shore and Denny Crane nod at each other knowingly.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Well, should we get started?Alan Shore: We should. I’m afraid it’s gonna be a very long night. I’ll need to go over every inch of you with a fine-tooth comb. flustered I beg your pardon. Your testimony. I’ll need to go over your testimony with the comb.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Where are we going to do this?Denny Crane: Right here.And a little peacock fight breaks out, as the “boys” elbow each other behind their backs, until Dr. G looks at them. Then, they look rather well-behaved, and Alan Shore tucks his right hand into his jacket, the height of decorum, as usual, while Denny Crane smiles charmingly.The Buddha BarTara Wilson:talking on her cell phone It’s not my case, Renee. It’s Lori’s. I have no idea where she is. Hang on. To Brad Chase: Do you know where Lori is?Brad Chase: No. I gotta run. I got that dinner thing.Tara Wilson: Oh, go.Brad Chase: Need a ride anywhere?Tara Wilson: No, thanks. My car’s in the garage. All right, so what’s the big emergency? Well if you have him on the phone, then ask him.Atty. Barr:also talking on his cell phone I don’t want anything. I’m offering. Since we turned over that CD last second, we won’t oppose a continuance if you people want it.Tara Wilson: Say you need to page Lori, ask if she can call him later, and then get his cell phone number. Atty. Barr: Yeah, that’ll be great. My number’s (617) 555-0194. Thanks.Tara Wilson: Well, well, well.Atty. Barr: Can I get a beer?Tara Wilson takes her beer glass with her, walks toward AD Atty, and bumps into him, pouring the beer on him.Tara Wilson: Oh!Atty. Barr: Oh! Fantastic.Tara Wilson: Oh, I’m terribly sorry.Atty. Barr: It’s okay.Tara Wilson:helping him wipe the beer off his clothes How embarrassing. I’ll pay for the dry cleaning. I assure you.Atty. Barr: It’s okay, really.Tara Wilson smiles, laughing lightly.Conference Room at Crane Poole & SchmidtAlan Shore: So, besides Ms. Hewitt, there were 56 other people removed from the study?Dr. Amanda Gerard: For a drug of this magnitude, we have to be extremely cautious.Alan Shore: But what motivated your caution?Dr. Amanda Gerard looks evasive.Alan Shore: Please tell me it was more than a hunch. After all, these people do suffer from a crippling, life-threatening disease, Doctor.Dr. Amanda Gerard: As do I.Alan Shore: I’m very sorry.Dr. Amanda Gerard: I understand the promise of a drug like this on a very personal level, Mr. Shore. But if it endangers people . . .Alan Shore: How does it endanger people? How are these 57 people endangered by SV113? Fifty-seven—that’s an exceptionally large number of people to purge, isn’t it, Doctor? How were these people endangered? Dr. Amanda Gerard: They weren’t. Marybeth Hewitt and the 56 others were on a different drug. It was a slight variation from SV113 that we had only begun to investigate.Alan Shore: These people, they knew they were on this other drug?Dr. Amanda Gerard: No.Alan Shore: So you gave an experimental, unapproved drug to 57 people, and told them they were taking something else?Dr. Amanda Gerard: But as soon as we became aware of the side effects . . .Alan Shore: The headaches?Dr. Amanda Gerard:thinking before talking There was onset of acute liver damage at about 6 weeks. There was one prior subject who went first, and complications . . . Please don’t look at me as if . . .Alan Shore: What could possibly have impelled you to delude these people?Dr. Amanda Gerard: You can’t understand.Alan Shore scoffs.Dr. Amanda Gerard: It takes years to get a drug approved. And when you spend your life . . . I thought—the company thought that we had the next polio vaccine . . . or penicillin.Alan Shore: Except your penicillin turned out to be a poison.Dr. Amanda Gerard: But as soon as we discovered it, the company shut the study down. That’s why Mrs. Hewitt was taken off the drug she thinks was SV113—to prevent liver failure.Buddha BarAtty. Barr: So you’re a therapist?Tara Wilson:De facto therapist. I’m really a flight attendant. But everybody tells me their problems.Atty. Barr: Oh, do you solve them?Tara Wilson: I do, actually.Atty. Barr: Well, tell me mine.Tara Wilson: I’m sorry?Atty. Barr: My problem. What am I lamenting at this very moment?Tara Wilson: I’m embarrassed to say, actually.Atty. Barr: Uh, uh. I insist. Tell me.Tara Wilson: You’re wishing your girlfriend looked like me.Atty. Barr: Uh, keep going.Tara Wilson: You hate your job.Atty. Barr: Which is?Tara Wilson: I want to say accountant. But I’m gonna to say lawyer.Atty. Barr:rolling his eyes and laughing Oh.Tara Wilson laughs.Atty. Barr: Am—am I that obvious?Tara Wilson: I meet lawyers all the time. They fly a lot. They’re constantly in distress over all the horrible things they have to do for their horrible clients. What are you working on right now?Atty. Barr: A horrible case for a horrible client.Tara Wilson laughs.Atty. Barr: It’s, ah, age discrimination.Tara Wilson: Mm. Plaintiff or defense.Atty. Barr: Defense.Tara Wilson: Ooh, bad boy.Atty. Barr: Mm, hmm. Indeed.Tara Wilson laughs.Conference Room at Crane Poole & SchmidtDr. Amanda Gerard: Whistle-blower?Alan Shore: Yes. Now, there are all sorts of protections to avail yourself of, should you decide you . . .Dr. Amanda Gerard: Hold on a second. You’re advising a witness to turn state’s evidence against your own client?Alan Shore: I am.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Look. I was the one who pushed the study. I was the one who put those people on that drug.Alan Shore: And I suspect you were motivated by the drug’s promise, while your employer was motivated by greed.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Can’t you get disbarred for advising me to . . .Alan Shore: Undoubtedly. And should you lose your license, we could run off to Bali together and become bartenders.Dr. Amanda Gerard: My life is here, in medicine.Alan Shore: Yes. And you are in a unique position to remind your employer they, too, are in the business of medicine, not simply profit. You need to blow the whistle. And what’s more, you want to.Denny Crane’s OfficeDenny Crane is playing piano and singing “It’s a Holly Jolly Christmas.”Denny Crane: “It’s a holly jolly Christmas, best time of the year. I dunno if there’ll be snow, but have a cuppa cheer. It’s a holly jolly Christmas, and when you walk down the street, say hello to friends you know, and everyone you meet.” sees Alan entering Hey!Alan Shore: Denny?Denny Crane: Set to go?Alan Shore: What are you doing?Denny Crane: Oh, there’s an office Christmas party next week. I do a number. It’s good for morale. Helps get me laid. Are we off to court?Alan Shore: Actually, I have a feeling court won’t be going forward today.Denny Crane: What do you mean? Did something happen? Was I in the room when it happened?Alan Shore: It seems our client is guilty of a little noncompliance as well. The actual test that . . . We represent big drug company.Denny Crane: I’m with you.Alan Shore: Big drug company tell patients they take one pill while slipping them another.Denny Crane: You know this how?Alan Shore: Evidently, our expert witness comes armed not only with details but a conscience. She told me. I believe she plans to tell the F.D.A.Denny Crane: Ohh. Whistle-blower. comes around the piano to the couch on which Alan Shore is sitting Did you tell her to whistle-blow?Alan Shore: I might have mentioned it.Denny Crane: Do you know how much this client is worth to this firm and to me personally?Alan Shore: Nuts. I knew there was something I forgot to consider.Denny Crane: Where is this woman?Alan Shore: Hopefully with the U.S. Attorney by now.Assistant: Oh, I’m sorry, uh, Mr. Shore, there’s a Dr. Gerard waiting in reception.Denny Crane: Send her in.Alan Shore: That’s all right. I’ll go and greet her.Denny Crane: Send the woman in here.Alan Shore: Here’s good.Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtTara Wilson is exiting the elevator.Lori Colson: Oh, Tara. We have a pretrial conference set on McNamara at two. How are you and Sally doing with the stuff?Tara Wilson: Remember the document that said McNamara was incorporated in “nineteen efficiency-three”? We thought it was a typo?Lori Colson: Yeah.Tara Wilson: Well, code broken. They had a plan called the “Forty Factor,” which was designed to phase out workers who were 40 and older.Lori Colson: And replace them with younger employees who would cost the company less.Tara Wilson: Right. They actually described the plan in memoranda which were archived on the company’s hard drives.Lori Colson: Gotta love the hubris.Tara Wilson: But they then got nervous and did a search and replace to substitute the word “efficiency” for “forty.”Lori Colson: And “nineteen forty-three” became “nineteen efficiency-three.”Tara Wilson: Exactly.Lori Colson: How did you find this out?Tara Wilson: I had drinks with opposing counsel last night. Quite a talker.Lori Colson: Wait a second. He admitted this to you?Tara Wilson: Well, actually, he admitted it to a flight attendant. He didn’t know that I was an attorney for the other side.Lori Colson looks shocked.Tara Wilson: We’re not smiling. Why are we not smiling?Lori Colson: Tara, we can’t use this information.Tara Wilson: I beg your pardon?Lori Colson: You tricked another attorney into violating privilege. You can’t do that.Tara Wilson: Last week, you impersonated a doctor.Lori Colson: Uh! First, that was different. Second, the stakes were life and death.Tara Wilson: Lori!Lori Colson: And third, I was wrong. In retrospect, I would never do it again.Tara Wilson: Well, we have the information, Lori. So if it’s a matter of ethics, we absolutely have to tell the client that we have it.As Tara Wilson takes a bite out of her muffin and goes into her office, Lori Colson sighs, and walks away.Denny Crane’s OfficeDr. Amanda Gerard: I just don’t think I can do it.Alan Shore: Because?Dr. Amanda Gerard: Alan, these people have been very good to me for 10 years.Alan Shore: Now, by “people,” you mean these corporate people who jeopardize public health and safety on a massive scale in order to line their pockets?Dr. Amanda Gerard: They were convinced we had a possible cure based on my representations. I would as soon blow the whistle on myself rather than . . .Alan Shore: Do that then.Dr. Amanda Gerard: And what good would come of it? Really?Denny Crane: May I express a thought? I so rarely get one. And I should preface this by admitting that I’m so far up the ass of big business, I view the world as one giant colon. You’re right to prioritize loyalty, Doctor. Loyalties count for something.Alan Shore: Denny, please don’t . . .Denny Crane: I’m speaking, Alan. Doctors like science, right? They do the math. Well, do the math on whistle-blowing. Nice concept in theory. Appeals to the altruistic inner self and all that.Alan Shore starts to object.Denny Crane: But whistle-blowers end up penniless and ostracized. This thing’ll take years to get to court, while your life will be ruined tomorrow.Alan Shore: Denny, I . . .Denny Crane: And if Alan Shore suggests that you won’t get hurt far worse than your company, he’s lying. Paul Lewiston:opens the door, stepping in What’s going on?Alan Shore: Our client is violating at least a half a dozen criminal laws by secretly testing an unapproved drug—which causes liver failure, by the way—on unwitting human guinea pigs. Dr. Gerard is considering whether to go public. I’m for it, Denny’s against. Do you have a vote? You seem like a man with a scintilla of morality.Dr. Amanda Gerard: Alan, my vote’s the only one that counts, and I’m not going public.Alan Shore: You say that as if you have a choice, Doctor. You see, the only way our client wins here is with your testimony. So, the clerk will swear you in. You’ll take an oath to God, but as a scientist, you are bound to an even higher standard. To believe in God, all you need is faith. To believe in science, you need to see the truth. You need to speak the truth. Am I right? If asked certain questions under oath, you will answer truthfully, because that’s who you are.Dr. Amanda Gerard: You don’t know me. And you would never ask me questions that would torpedo your own case.Alan Shore: Ah. It seems it’s you that doesn’t know me.Dr. Amanda Gerard picks up her coat and purse and exits.Alan Shore: Isn’t it exciting?Lori Colson’s OfficeBrad Chase: It’s absolutely unethical, Tara, for God sakes!Tara Wilson: Please don’t lecture me.Brad Chase: Hey! There’s nothing wrong with a lecture when it’s called for. Attorneys at Crane, Poole & Schmidt do not go undercover as stewardesses to circumvent privilege. It is fraud. It is wrong. It is dishonest. It holds every member of this firm up to disrepute.Lori Colson: Breathe.Brad Chase: And what’s more, it hurts other clients at this firm—mine, Paul’s, Lori’s.Tara Wilson: How?Lori Colson: Breathe.Brad Chase: stage breath Our reputation for fair dealing is at play at every settlement conference, every motion, every trial. If that reputation is compromised, the stain runs to all cases, not just the . . .Lori Colson: Breathe.Brad Chase: Will you stop telling me to breathe! I know how and when to breathe!Tara Wilson: This is about Alan Shore. This is about some not-so-latent hostility . . .Lori Colson: You’re out of line!Tara Wilson: You’re out of line! You fancy the pants off Alan Shore, so as long as we’re preaching honesty, let’s be truthful about that.Lori Colson: You know something, Tara. This does involve Alan. What happened in that bar last night? You heard opposing counsel on his cell phone, you sensed an incredible opportunity, and you asked yourself, “What would Alan Shore do?” and you likely did what he would’ve done.Tara Wilson: Oh, and you’ve never done that—say, last week?Lori Colson: No, I did. And as I said, I was wrong. That’s all. You can go.Tara Wilson:arising What are you gonna do?Lori Colson: Haven’t decided.Tara Wilson: Well, you can’t not use the . . .Lori Colson: I haven’t decided, Tara. You’re dismissed.Tara Wilson exits.Brad Chase: loosening his tie Well, I’m sorry I lost my cool. But you handled that perfectly.Lori Colson: Thank you. Did that have anything to do with Alan?Brad Chase: How does he do it? No matter what I do, no matter what anyone else does, it’s always about Alan.Lori Colson:laughs It’s just a question.Brad Chase: I should be the example for the young associates around here, not him.Lori Colson: Well, Tara’s Alan’s girlfriend.Brad Chase: Why is that? I mean why is she interested in him? I ask you.Lori Colson: Do you fancy Tara, Brad?Brad Chase: No, I’m just speaking in general terms. All the women here . . .Lori Colson: Yeah, you keep saying, “all the women,” but, who specifically, Brad?Brad Chase: Look, you’re missing the point.Lori Colson: Okay. And the point is?Brad Chase: I diffuse a human bomb. Does anyone say, “Oh, are you okay, Brad?” Or “Nice job saving lives, Brad.” No. It’s “Tara circumvented privilege because she’s sleeping with Alan.”Lori Colson: I’m the only one talking about Tara and privilege. Is this about me? We’re buddies, Brad. Talk to me.Brad Chase: Okay. I’d like to be more than buddies. I don’t bring it up because I sense it’s something that you’re not interested in pursuing.Lori Colson: Okay.Brad Chase: Is it something you’d like to pursue?Lori Colson: Um. No.Brad Chase: Right. Anyway, you handled the meeting well.Denny Crane’s OfficeAlan Shore: You surprise me, Denny. I thought you’d be with me on this.Denny Crane: There’s a deeper principle involved here, Alan.Alan Shore: Which is?Denny Crane: Fishing. There’s a fishing lodge in British Columbia. It’s called Nimmo Bay. Best fishing lodge in the world. In the Great Bear Rain Forest.Alan Shore: How does this lodge affect . . .Denny Crane: Want to buy it. Costs lots of money. If I lose this client, I might not be able to buy it.Alan Shore: You have plenty of money.Denny Crane: Yes, to buy other things. This case, this client is earmarked for this fishing lodge.Alan Shore: Well, if I can’t convince you, I guess I can’t convince you.Denny Crane: Alan, I’ll ask Dr. Gerard the questions this afternoon.Alan Shore: I’ve prepared the direct.Denny Crane: I’ll ask her the questions.Alan Shore: I’m questioning the doctor.Denny Crane: No, you aren’t.Alan Shore: Yes, I am.Denny Crane: No, you aren’t.Alan Shore: Yes, I am.Denny Crane: No.Alan Shore: Yes.Denny Crane: No.Alan Shore: Yes.Paul Lewiston:entering This time I will cast a vote. Let me make this simple for you, Mr. Shore.Alan Shore: Please call me Alan. I feel we’ve grown close.。

Boston LegalFrom Whence We CameSeason 1, Episode 12Written by David E. Kelley© 2005 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: January 16, 2005Transcribed by Imamess of JSMP for JSMP and At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Paul Lewiston and Shirley Schmidt are in the conference room.Shirley Schmidt: How bad is he?Paul Lewiston: He’s intermittently brilliant and nonsensically, often at the same time.Shirley Schmidt: Then he’s technically still in charge of litigation?Paul Lewiston: Which is the reason I called you back. He is an enormous rainmaker, Shirley. And yet…Denny Crane:He comes in and sits down. Lock and load. He looks around the table. Where is everybody? Paul Lewiston: This is an administrative meeting, Denny.Denny Crane: Oh! What the hell am I doing here? He gets up to leave.Shirley Schmidt: Remember the good ole days when you liked to know what was going on? When you could go from your office to the elevator without a roadmap?Denny Crane: Didn’t need a roadmap to find my way around your body, did I, Shirley?Shirley Schmidt: I wouldn’t know. I was usually asleep.Denny Crane: I once had her... and Streisand… at the same time. Remember that?Shirley Schmidt: Hahhh, I do Denny. Ha ha. And not to burst your bubble but that was a female impersonator. Perhaps the penis might have been your cue.Denny Crane: That wasn’t Barbara Streisand?Sally Heep: She comes in. You wanted to see me?Shirley Schmidt: Yes, Sally, bad news. We lost the summary judgment motion on Witchell. Have a seat.Sally Heep: We lost?Shirley Schmidt: The judge held that the magazine, while possibly negligent, wasn’t guilty of reckless disregard for the truth.Sally Heep: So, we could prevail under negligence.Shirley Schmidt: We could. If only we’d thought to plead negligence. She reads from a paper in front of her. Count one, intentional inflection of emotional distress. Count two, reckless disregard for the truth. She looks up. Ah, here’s where there should have been a third count alleging negligence. There is no third count alleging negligence.Sally Heep: In, in the supporting memoranda we have pages on negligence.Shirley Schmidt: But you didn’t plead it.Sally Heep: So we just file a motion to amend.Shirley Schmidt: That deadline lapsed.Sally Heep: Ah, this is… this is obviously an oversight. The defendant had constructive notice, we can appeal this. I’ll get right on it.Shirley Schmidt: I have taken the liberty of reviewing some of your other work, Sally. You’re a very good lawyer. But not, good enough we’re letting you go.Sally Heep: You’re firing me?Shirley Schmidt: I’m sorry.Sally Heep: I have done a lot of good work here.Shirley Schmidt: Yes, you have. And any number of law firms would be happy to have you. This one unfortunately just doesn’t happen to be one of them.Sally Heep:To Denny. Are you in on this?Denny Crane: Am, am, am I in on this?Shirley Schmidt: It was my decision. Paul and Denny still remain strong supporters. We’re streamlining a little and I have to make some tough calls. I’m sorry.Sally Heep: How can you come in here, and in one week, fire someone you don’t even know?Shirley Schmidt: I’m Schmidt.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Nora Jacobs is walking down the corridor. She passes Alan Shore.Alan Shore: Nora, outstanding. I give it a three.Nora Jacobs: Thank you?Back in the conference room with Paul, Shirley and Denny.Nora Jacobs:She comes in. Mr Crane? A Mr Walter Fife is in your office. He says it’s quite important.Denny Crane: Oh, thank you. May I ask? Do I know you?Nora Jacobs: I’m Alan Shore’s assistant. Mr Fife came to our office when he couldn’t find you. I escorted him back to your office.Denny Crane: Excellent. I’ll be right there.Nora leaves. Denny beams smugly.Shirley Schmidt: You’re waiting for me to tell you where your office is, aren’t you?Denny Crane: No. I wanna to see the look on your face when you realize, they still come through that door looking for one man to solve their problems, they don’t come barging in looking for Paul, or you. Only one man. Shirley Schmidt: Allow me. She gets up and leans toward his ear and whispers. Denny Crane.Denny Crane:He gasps. She can still pump my chubby.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Shirley is walking in the corridor. As she walks around a corner, Nora is waiting for her.Nora Jacobs: Mrs Schmidt.Shirley Schmidt: My mother is Mrs Schmidt, you can call me Schmidt.Nora Jacobs: I know you’re a very busy person, but if I could steal one minute of your busy time.Shirley Schmidt: Regarding?Nora Jacobs: It’s a little personal.Shirley Schmidt: Ten o’clock.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Denny’s office. Walter Fife is with Denny.Walter Fife: They didn’t just sue the School Board, they sued me personally, which I regard as punitive.Denny Crane: Walter, I can assure you their Cause of Action is totally baseless.Walter Fife: I haven’t even told you what it is yet.Denny Crane: I…Shirley Schmidt:She comes in. Hi! Shirley Schmidt.Denny Crane: This is Walter Fife. He’s superintendent of Middle Sect School District. He’s being sued. What’d you do? Little, touchy feely with a student?Walter Fife: What? God no! What, what kind of question is that?Denny Crane: Oh lighten up. Let’s all sit. Shirley here is a senior partner, so you’re in good hands, you got both Shirley and umh…Shirley Schmidt: You!Denny Crane: Me! Right. Good. Okay. Now. Look. I’m gonna ask you something. It’s gonna be a question. And I want a direct answer. No matter how difficult.Walter Fife: Okay.Denny Crane: Why… Walter… are you being sued?Walter looks at Shirley.Shirley Schmidt: You promised you’d answer.Walter Fife: The School Board voted to include Creationism along with Darwinism in the eighth grade Science curriculum. The teachers refused, I terminated their employment. They sued.Denny Crane: Massachusetts is a blue state. God has no place here.Walter Fife: I, I’m not sure you’re really the lawyer for this particular...Shirley Schmidt: We have many attorneys, well equipped to han...Denny Crane: Nonsense. I’ve been practicing law for 45 years. Never lost a single case.Walter Fife: You’ve never lost?Denny Crane: My record is six thousand and forty-three to O. You hear the one about the fellow who died, went to the Pearly Gates, St Peter let him in, sees a guy in suit making a closing arguments. Says, “Who’s that?” St Peter says, “Ohhh, that God. Thinks he’s Denny Crane.” Ha, ha, ha, ha! I’m your boy Walter. Never lost. Never will.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Lori Colson, Brad Chase and Tara Wilson are in the lounge.Lori Colson: Did she give you a reason?Sally Heep: Just that my work didn’t cut it. I mean my reviews have all been good. Plus, I mean it’s not like they’ve given me very much to do. The Witchell case was really the first one they let me run with.Brad Chase: And... you forgot to plead negligence. Lori gives him a look. Sorry.Lori Colson: Let me talk to her. See if there’s another story.Sally Heep: : I mean, is this woman like some sort of psycho witch or something?Lori Colson: Actually no she’s extremely nice.Brad Chase: We all know she was sent to shake the tree. Looks like it’s already begun.Tara Wilson: I wonder who’s next?Shirley Schmidt: She comes in. Lori? Can I steal you for a second?Lori Colson: Sure. She leaves to follow Shirley.Tara Wilson: Dibs on her office.Lori Colson:She turns back to give Tara a look, then walks down the corridor with Shirley. I just heard about Sally. I think you’re making a mistake.Shirley Schmidt: I didn’t ask.Lori Colson: Which surprises me actually. You and I are friends. I’ve worked with Sally.Shirley Schmidt: And being loyal to her, you’d possibly be neither objective nor candid.Lori Colson. Even so…Shirley Schmidt: In either event I didn’t ask. Lori wants to say more, but doesn’t. We just got a new case. Big client. Middle Sect School District. Denny’s in charge. Which is fine, as long as he doesn’t speak. I need you to take over.Lori Colson: How do I just take over? He’ll completely...Shirley Schmidt: You’ll handle him Lori. The way only you can.Lori Colson: Ah, what’s the case?Shirley Schmidt: It’s a variation of the Scope’s trial. Three teachers were fired for refusing to teach Creationism. They’ve sue.Lori Colson: Sounds like a slam dunk. For them.Shirley Schmidt: Perhaps. It would take some pretty ingenious lawyering on our part from, not only a gifted attorney, but someone who’s an expert in the field.Lori Colson: Meaning?Shirley Schmidt: Lori, I know all the skeletons in your closet. Remember? Including that deeply guarded little one that you fear might ruin your intellectual reputation. You go to church.Nora Jacobs:She comes to the door and knocks. Uhm, Schmidt. Is this a good time?Shirley Schmidt: Yeah. To Lori. Conference room? Noon? Lori nods. Thank you.Lori leaves.Shirley Schmidt: How can I help?Nora Jacobs: Well. This is very awkward. I’m not even sure you’re the right person to come to. But… you’re a woman.Shirley Schmidt: That’s very kind.Nora Jacobs: I work for Alan Shore and in many many ways he’s an excellent boss. God knows he isn’t boring. But I feel that’s he’s been inappropriate with me.Shirley Schmidt: How so?Nora Jacobs: Well. He compliments my figure daily. And he just kind of does it in a lascivious way. He also ranks my sweaters.Shirley Schmidt: He ranks your sweaters?Nora Jacobs: Yes. Which ones he thinks I look best in. This is a three. He asked if he could take one home for the weekend. He told me he has dreams about me.Shirley Schmidt: What kind of dreams?Nora Jacobs: All kinds. Ah, once he dreamt that I was just a head. No body, just a head. Everywhere he went he would carry me along, wrapped in a muffler, to keep him company. And every so often I would whisper terrible, dirty things in his ear. Feels a little like harassment.Shirley Schmidt: You think? Would you like to work for another lawyer?Nora Jacobs: Well, I’d just like him to stop. I must admit, that, sometimes I’ve been guilty of playing along with his banter. But...Shirley Schmidt: I’ll take care of it.Nora Jacobs: Thank you.Shirley Schmidt: And Nora? Thank you for coming forward with this. I know it was difficult.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Tara’s office the TV is on, and Tara is watching the news.TV Announcer: We have very little information, other than the victim was in her fifties and that she was bludgeoned to death. It is the second death in a week that has rocked this idealic little street. Just last Friday the victim’s next door neighbor died as well, from a head trauma. You may recall the son was briefly held, and then released.Tara Wilson:She gasps as her chair is suddenly shoved back to the wall. What? Alan Shore comes up from under the desk and stares at the Television.TV Announcer: ... not indicated whether these two cases are connected.Alan Shore: It’s Bernie!Tara Wilson: Who?Alan Shore: That little skillet-wielding client from last week. He’s whacked another one! He promised me he wouldn’t? He leaves.Tara Wilson: Does that mean you’re... finished?In Bernard Ferrion’s home. There is a knocking on the door.Bernard Ferrion:He opens the door. Alan?Alan Shore: What have you done?Bernard Ferrion: There’s an awful lot of excitement.Alan Shore: I saw. Both live, and on the news. You’ve been flanging again with your frying pan, haven’t you, Bernard?Bernard Ferrion: I never meant for it to happen.Alan Shore: I am very disappointed! I gave you a terrific speech last week Bernie. Appealing to the kind, inner you. It was wonderful, poignant even, and now you’ve completely muted it by committing murder again! Bernard Ferrion: I never meant to kill her.Alan Shore: Oh, what? You went over there to make an omelet and things go out of hand?Bernard Ferrion: She knew! She heard an argument between me and mother. She was out there watering her stupid plants. In the winter, for God’s sakes. The woman is not right. Or wasn’t right. Alan sighs. Alan, she said she was gonna call the police. She said what she heard would not be hearsay. She looked it up, she said, because we were arguing, it would, it would qualify as an excited blutterance. Suddenly the skillet was in my hand, and I swung.Alan Shore: Blutterance isn’t even a real word. Much less a defense. You murdered somebody over a fake word!Bernard Ferrion: I was careful to not leave any evidence. I went over there stealth like... He moves the curtain aside to look out the window.Alan Shore:He pulls Bernie away from the window. Oh for God’s sake.Bernard Ferrion: ...I staged a break-in in the back. I dispatched of her, and then I returned. And Alan, I promise you, this will be the very very last one.Alan Shore: I’m not representing you this time.Bernard Ferrion: You must! If it comes to that!Alan Shore: I won’t! You’ve let me down terribly!Bernard Ferrion: Uh, but... But you said that you stood for the little man. Alan slams the door as he leaves the house. I’m little!At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Walter, Lori, Denny and Shirley are in the conference room.Lori Colson: The best thing I feel would be to go for an immediate declaratory judgment. The last thing we want is a trial. This is a hot button issue. The ACLU will be jumping in and that’s only the beginning.Denny Crane:As Lori continues talking to Walter, Denny turns to Shirley. Why have I been taken off this case?Shirley Schmidt: You haven’t. You’ve been relieved of the grunt work because it’s beneath you.Denny Crane: Relieved is a soft word for discharge. I recognize a demotion when I see one. I am the master of the soft discharge.Shirley Schmidt: You refer again to when we were intimate. Now pay attention and pretend you have a clue. Lori Colson: We all set?Denny Crane: Lock and load.Shirley Schmidt: Let’s go.The get up to leave. Out in the corridor they pass Alan.Alan Shore: Lori.Lori Colson: Alan.Shirley Schmidt: Alan, a second. We have a ... little problem. Seems you’ve been sexually harassing Nora Jacobs.Alan Shore: She signed a waiver.Shirley Schmidt: I’m sorry?Alan Shore: I make all my female employees sign sexual harassment waivers. Especially the pretty ones.Shirley Schmidt: I don’t think that document would hold up in court. Alan Shore: Oh.Shirley Schmidt: But regardless, that kind of behavior isn’t tolerated at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Alan Shore: Which... kind of... behavior? Specifically?Shirley Schmidt: I think you’re smart enough to sense where the line is, Counsel.Alan Shore: I’m never sure until I cross it.Shirley Schmidt: She is a subordinate. There is a disparity of power. You will refrain from any sexual advances, verbal or otherwise.Alan Shore: Shirley? He sighs. What about senior partners? There would be nothing wrong with me lusting say after you? Would there?Shirley Schmidt: Go subscribe to National Geographic. Make a list of the places you’ll never get to visit. Add to that list, Schmidt.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Brad and Sally are walking down the corridor.Brad Chase: Sally, I’ll talk to her, but other than that...Sally Heep: You can pull some strings?Brad Chase: What about Alan Shore? He’s the one that pulls rabbits.Sally Heep: He’s not a partner. You are. Besides I slept with Alan Shore. How objective can he be?Brad Chase: You also slept with me. Did you ever think that might be part of the problem?Sally Heep:She is stunned. She raises her right hand to strike him, he grabs her hand in mid air. She raises her left hand, he grabs it. That was unfair. Kicking me while I’m down? I guess I should have expected it.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Alan’s office. Bernard is with Alan.Bernard Ferrion: The police want to question me.Alan Shore: That’s really a stunner, Bernie. They arrested you last week, for whacking your mother. You get off on a technicality. Now? The woman next door turns up dead from a blow to the head. What could possibly make them think of you?Bernard Ferrion: Should I talk to them?Alan Shore: I wouldn’t! Where you once were convincing? You now are anything but!Bernard Ferrion: I don’t like it when you speak to me in these hurtful tones. I am not an evil person.Alan Shore: Yes! You are Bernie! You’ve killed two people inside of a week. By definition that makes you evil. This last killing was premeditated, calculated. You went over there as you said, to dispatch a human being. You’re a little bug. And like a little bug, you will one day get stepped on. Now go away. I do not represent evil people. Bernard is stunned and doesn’t move. I asked you to leave.Bernard Ferrion: May I say one more thing? You cut me to the quick. I am a bug. My mother would often tell me, I am nothing more than an insignificant little... she used to call me a dung beetle! When I killed her, as she lay on the floor? For the first time I felt alive! I had actually done something! Perhaps a part of me sought to relive that power. But today I, I, I do, I feel evil. I need your help, Alan. The police want to interrogate me. I don’t know what to do.Tara Wilson:She comes in. Could I...? Oh! I’m so sorry.Alan Shore: That’s okay. Tara Wilson? Meet Bernard Ferrion. He kills people with cookware. Allegedly of course. Bernie?... Tara! She’s your new lawyer.Bernard Ferrion: No, I’d prefer you.Alan Shore: No, you can’t have me. One reason being. I know too much. If you want this firm to help you, Tara is your lawyer!Bernard Ferrion: She’s very fetching. But, is, she good?Alan Shore:He gives Bernard a look, then turns to Tara. The police wanna talk to him. There’s an excellent chance you can avoid the prison term he very much deserves. I must warn you, do not come to care for this man. He will let you down. That’s all.Tara Wilson: Let’s go, Mr Ferrion.Tara and Bernard leave.Alan Shore:He presses a button on the intercom. Nora? When you get a minute.A few minutes later Nora is sitting across from Alan.Alan Shore: Why did you feel compelled to speak to Shirley Schmidt? Why didn’t you just take it up with me? Nora Jacobs: I don’t know. I suppose... I guess I didn’t feel I could hold my own with you. Which I guess, is a part of the problem.Alan Shore: “Alan, I’m uncomfortable with the banter.” You could have said that. You did participate in the banter?Nora Jacobs: I participated. I of course, wanted to be liked by my boss. But then... it started to go too far.Alan Shore: And when it went too far? Why not tell me?Nora Jacobs: I don’t know. Because I’d let it go on. I felt maybe I gotten myself in... At the seminars you get the impression that the senior people here are good at dealing with these things. I wanted you to stop. But I still like you, and like working for you, and I was hoping they maybe they had a way to solve the problem without any hurt feelings. Alan doesn’t speak. So what happens now?In Judge William Howe’s courtroom. Walter is in the witness chair.Walter Fife: We actually call it Intelligent Design. Basically the idea is, life is so complex, a Greater Power has to be at play.Lori Colson: The Greater Power being God?Walter Fife: We’re by no means...Shirley Schmidt:She looks over at Denny. He’s sleeping. Denny?Denny wakes up.Walter Fife: … shutting down Darwinism or suggesting that evolution is inaccurate.Lori Colson: Do you believe in evolution, Mr Fife?Walter Fife: I happen to believe in both God and evolution. I don’t think the two have to be mutually exclusive. Lori Colson: So, why not simply offer the Intelligent Design theory in religion courses? Why Science?Walter Fife: Well, we thought long and hard about that. But the simple truth is, more and more scientists, scientists, not theologians have said that when you examine the intricacies of the human cell, the mathematical equations of DNA, you simply cannot conclude that it’s all explained by natural selection. Another Power has to be at work.Attorney Daniel Gellman: God?Walter Fife: Well again, we never mention Him by name.Attorney Daniel Gellman: You’re aware of the separation of Church and State?Walter Fife: I’m aware.Denny Crane:Under his breath, to Shirley. This is boring crap.Attorney Daniel Gellman: And you’re also aware that the Supreme Court has banned the teaching of Creationism.Walter Fife: Well. As I said, technically we’re not calling it Creationism.Attorney Daniel Gellman: But you admitted that’s what’s going on. And Creationism holds that God created the world about 6,000 years ago in 6 days?Walter Fife: That’s not my view.Attorney Daniel Gellman: But it’s a view you’re insisting your teachers explain in the Science class?Walter Fife: As a theory.Attorney Daniel Gellman: A theory with no Scientific bases other than to say… “Gee, evolution can’t account for it all.”At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Tara is in her office. Bernard is with her. He is wearing helmet.Tara Wilson: Why the helmet?Bernard Ferrion: Well it wouldn’t be for here. It would be for at home. Well, the thinking being, if there’s someone in the neighborhood breaking into houses, whacking people, from behind, on the head, it would make sense for me to wear a helmet. I want to exude innocence, you see.Tara Wilson: Get rid of the helmet.Bernard Ferrion: But Ms Wilson, at, at my core, I’m a little man. It would make sense for me to want to protect myself. Right?Tara Wilson: Get rid of the helmet. You look ridiculous. Now listen to me. The police have asked for a DNA sample, and I’m gonna agree.Bernard Ferrion: What? Why on earth?Tara Wilson: Because they could get one with a court order. There’s no point in opposing.Bernard Ferrion: But what about my right to not incriminate myself?Tara Wilson: Cooperation goes a long way towards exuding innocence, Mr Ferrion. Much better than hockey head gear.Bernard Ferrion: You know, everyone is speaking to me in hurtful tones and I don’t appreciate it. I did kill people. You’d think I’d incur a little shock and awe, if not respect.Tara Wilson: Is that why you did this? To inspire awe? Alan Shore told me that your mother referred to you as a dung beetle.Bernard Ferrion: Please don’t mention that particular species to me. I don’t know what else Alan told you, but, I’m a kind man. I have admittedly committed two heinous acts, but the first was not voluntary, and the second was out of desperation. Not wanting to go to prison where bigger men will have their way with me. Ms Wilson, I need your help. Please be on my side.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Sally is in her office.Brad Chase:He comes in. I’m sorry. That remark was way outta line. Listen, Sally, it didn’t help that you were with me a year and a half ago, and then you were with Alan Shore. As gossip, it travels fast. But I have no doubt. None! That you are going to be an exceptional attorney. But… just not here. They’re never gonna give you the chance. You need to… remake yourself. Start fresh. You asked me for help, and I’m going to provide it to you in the form of advice. You need to go.In Judge William Howe’s courtroom. Roberta Turner is in the witness chair.Roberta Turner: At the beginning of the school year we got the word at our teacher’s assembly, that moral values would be one of our educational objectives. Which was fine. But to have Evolution bumped for Creationism.Attorney Daniel Gellman: Well! To be fair, Evolution isn’t being displaced. Creationism is just being included. Roberta Turner: Evolution is a tough subject matter. We cannot cut into what little class time we have to service a political agenda. To teach…Lori Colson: Objection! This is non-responsive.Judge William Howe: Please limit your answers to the questions, ma’m.Attorney Daniel Gellman: Why can’t you view Intelligent Design as a Science, Ms Turner?Roberta Turner: Because! There is simply no scientific data to support it. How are we to maintain any credibility as Science teachers if we say, “Gee! Despite all this data, there’s also another possibility.” Intelligent Design makes a mockery of Science. If you wanna teach it as religion course? Fine! But as a Science? It’s simply preposterous.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Tara’s office. Tara is talking with Dective Willet while a police technician is taking a tongue swab from Bernard.Detective Willet: I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t wanna talk. If there’s a serial killer loose in his neighborhood…?Tara Wilson: He’d love to talk. I’m not letting him.Bernard Ferrion: I’d tell you one thing…Tara Wilson: Bernard! You people wrongly arrested him last time with no evidence, after his mother recklessly accused him. Now it’s clear there is somebody in the neighborhood killing people. You haven’t so much as apologized to Mr Ferrion for ruining his good name. Why should we expect any fair treatment from you?Police Technician: I’m done.Detective Willet: Once again I’ll encourage your client not to leave the jurisdiction.Bernard Ferrion: Bully boy!Tara Wilson: Bernard!The two policemen leave.Bernard Ferrion: You handled that deftly. So what now?Tara Wilson: You can go home. If indeed you left no traces behind, and assuming they find no DNA, and with no smoking skillet,you’ll likely get away with it once again.Bernard Ferrion: You’re using a judgmental tone.Tara Wilson: Do you really expect us not to condemn you? You killed two people!Bernard Ferrion: I expect you to condemn my actions, but, I suppose not me!Tara Wilson: You can go.Bernard Ferrion:He moves to leave then turns back. How’s Alan?Tara Wilson: Honestly? I think he’s hurt. You hear all the time how clients are let down by their lawyers, sometimes it’s the attorney who’s let down by the client. As silly as it may sound the cynical, jaded Alan Shore gets a bit desperate sometimes to believe in the goodness of mankind. He found, I think, some hope in you. And you crushed it. Like a bug.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Alan’s office, Alan and Nora are sitting on couches.Nora Jacobs: You’re firing me?Alan Shore: Certainly not. I’d get sued. I’m reassigning you.Nora Jacobs: If I get put back into the pool that’s the same as a demotion.Alan Shore: Nora, I’m not going to change who I am. I can work on it, but leaps and bounds I’ll never make. When I look at women… most women… my mind wanders invariably to sexual fantasy of a board and curious nature, unfettered by moral restraint. I can’t help it. I realize this candor could come back to haunt me should you indeed file a claim, but when I look at you I often conger up the most intimate and explicit of distractions. That’s not going to change. You are a sexually attractive.... Shirley comes in and stands at the door. Beast! Could you excuse us, Shirley? I’m dictating a letter. Shirley leaves. I give you my word; you will not get a demotion. Shirley is right outside the door eavesdropping. I also offer you my gratitude for making me realize that sometimes women play along and yet never-the-less fell harassed. I suppose it’s the callous idiot who can’t appreciate that. I apologize for being that idiot. Nora gets up to leave. Nora? The next time that someone does something to you that you don’t like, be direct. I assure you, you’re up to it.Nora leaves.Shirley Schmidt: She comes back in. That was very eloquent. Thank you.Alan Shore: You need to get me another secretary, Shirley. Someone more willing to be harassed.Shirley Schmidt: I’ll see what I can do.In Judge William Howe’s courtroom Attorney Daniel Gellman is giving his closing.Attorney Daniel Gellman: These are bad times for Science your Honor. Especially at the hands of moral values. The government has systematically distorted or worse, suppressed findings by the FDA and EPA when it comes to contraception, stem cell research. AIDS, global warming, pollution…Judge William Howe: Let’s just stick to the case, Counsel, and leave politics out of it.Attorney Daniel Gellman: This case is all about politics. It’s about getting religion back into schools. Creationism is religious doctrine; it is not supported by scientific data. I’m a Christian. My wife is a Jew. We have wonderful debates. And this country, as a whole should be more theologically literate, but it’s not Science! What’s happening here today is an attack on evolution. It’s clever. Let’s call it Intelligent Design. Let’s not mention God. But, come on! The Supreme Court banned the teaching of Creationism in the public schools. They were right then, they remain right today, and my client’s discharge was unlawful, as well in violation of our time honored tradition of separating Church and State. Of course we have a legitimate Cause of Action.Shirley Schmidt: That was almost Evangelical. The Establishment Clause prohibits the endorsement of, or discrimination against any particular religion. But it was never meant to extinguish the notion of a Higher Power.I certainly believe in evolution. Who here among us, while watching the presidential debates could deny that we all come from monkeys. But, what’s so wrong with suggesting, as a possible theory, that a Higher Power might have also played a part? As for Church and State, we go to war over God-given rights to Democracy. Let’s face it. God is big here. We love God, and we as a nation have an overwhelming belief He had something to do with the creation of human-kind. But, teach that in a Science class? Perish the thought. Nobody here is trying to squash evolution, and I would agree with Mr Gellman, it isn’t good Science to suppress information. But, I would ask the court, who here today is trying to do the squashing?At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Tara’s office, Bernard is with Tara.Bernard Ferrion: I thought if I went to trial it would offer me a chance to clear my name.Tara Wilson: Clear your name! You… did it!Bernard Ferrion: But nobody knows that.Tara Wilson: Have you gone mad? They haven’t got any evidence. They can’t even arrest you. And you’re here asking to go to trial! What is the matter with you?Bernard Ferrion: The suspense of them building a case! It’s just too much to bare! He sighs. I’m lonely. All I ever had was my mother and I killed her. The only other person who ever, ever talked to me was my neighbor. Killed her too! How’s Alan? I miss him.Tara Wilson: Bernard? Unless something else happens here, your case is over. Now I can appreciate that you’re lonely, but you need to find a life for yourself now.Bernard Ferrion: But uhm… How do I do that?Tara Wilson: Bernard? Your case status at the moment, is over.Bernard Ferrion: Okay. Okay.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Alan’s office, Alan sits down to read some papers.Catherine Piper:She comes in. Alan! Hello!Alan Shore: Mrs Piper?。

目录第5集 (2)第6集 (45)第7集 (84)第8集 (125)第5集嫌疑犯于晚上10:30 被发现Suspects were first observedat approximately 10:30 P.M.在警察局对面Across the street from the station house. "罗宾"和"猫女"负责放哨Robin and catwoman stood guard 而"蝙蝠侠"在擦洗一辆停着的警车as batman soaped an unoccupied police vehicle.是SUV 法官阁下那种耗油吓死人的车S.U.V., Y our honor,an egregious gas guzzler.-而且还很脏-继续警官- And filthy, by the way.- Continue, officer.Brody警官和我到达现场后与他们发生了激烈争执Officer Brody and I approached.An altercation ensued.我们以为他们只是穿着剧服的流氓We thought they were hooligans dressed in costume.或着是一群乡巴佬As the village people, perhaps.嫌犯拒捕These suspects then attemptedto evade apprehension并向我们扔了许多鸡蛋by discharging one ormore eggs in our direction.对他们的指控包括恶意破坏拒捕拉皮条The charges are vandalism,resisting arrest, and pandering.拉皮条?Pandering?我们所作所为完全出于应激反应Our only tricks werein conjunction with our treating,而且我哪像拉皮条的?and I do not look like a pimp.你像白痴Y ou look like an idiot.－法官大人这只"猫"是个有名的妓女－我反对The cat's a known prostitute,your honor. / I object to that!好了取下面具All right, masks off now.我知道你I know you.Alan ShoreAlan Shore.法官大人很高兴见到你Good to see you, judge.这是我的同事Tara WilsonMy colleague Tara Wilson.你好Hello.能告诉我为什么Would you care to explain to me两个律师和一个妓女搞在一起why two attorneys areoutcavorting with a prostitute?我们需要人扮演猫女We needed somebody to be catwoman.拿着皮鞭的那种Someone with a whip.Mr.Shore 你是一个有天赋的律师Mr. Shore, while you are a gifted attorney, 可你也让整个法律界蒙羞you bring embarrassment andshame to the legal community.谢谢你这么说阁下Y ou're very kind, sir.案件撤销Case dismissed.跟Markham协议怎么样了?What's this with the Markham settlement? 他拒绝签字He refuses to sign.不停在字眼里挑刺He keeps redlining us on language.估计因为税收问题他想拖到下一年We think that he's postponing it until after the new year for tax reasons.我会尽力施加压力I'll keep pushing him as best I can.说点私事我想提醒大家记得投票On a personal aside, I'd liketo remind everyone to vote.不管政见如何都是我们的公民义务It's our civic duty.Whatever our politics,哪怕是世界末日我们还是美国人at the end of the day,we're Americans.就算流血也要是蓝白红色的We bleed red, white, and blue. Morgan对Rayburn的案子Morgan vs. Rayburn.还在审理中Still in trial.这个客户的证词不可靠The client survived histestimony barely.Tara和我正想办法达成协议也说点私事Tara and I are pushing a settlement, and on a personal aside,-我觉得无聊-什么?- I'm bored.- I beg your pardon?你们老给我些无聊案子Y ou people keep assigning methese boring cases.要在从前我的委托人里有杀人的At my old firm, I got murderers.还有在公共洗手间自慰的I had clients who had touched themselves in public restrooms.这些人才是真正的客户These are people you could root for,说不定还能来段罗曼史not to mention relate to.Mr.Shore 莫非你想另某高就?Is there some other placeyou'd rather be, Mr. Shore?是的我想上电视Y es, I want to be on cable.最棒的案子都在那里That's where all the bestwork is being done.-Holcomb的案子谁在做?-呃Edwin Poole- Who's doing the Holcomb case?- Uh, that's Edwin Poole.-不是你...-我只是负责处理些小事- Aren't you...- I just handled the decert motion.不负责庭审的I didn't prep the trial.当然那Edwin把案子分配给谁了? Surely, Edwin assigned itto somebody?这个...Well, um...其实...actually...Denny?Denny?你在负责Holcomb药品案？Are you handling the Holcomb pharmaceuticals trial?是我I am.你准备好了?Are you prepared to try this case?我会的I will be.你会的...你知不知道明天就要开审了?Y ou will be. Are you awarethe trial begins tomorrow?Lori 我们有麻烦了We have a problem, Lori.你至少得给我看着点DennyY ou at least need to backstopDenny here.-我没..-可我不能I don't... / I can't.今天我就有案子要上庭I'm in trial myself today.什么案子?In trial on what?我..嗯..我几天前接了个法庭指派的案子I, um, was assigned a casea couple of days ago,至少我是接下来了..which I sort of took.什么样的?What kind of case?这个..只是个..Uh, just a...凶杀案homicide.什么?What?你怎么突然开始接受法庭指派了? Why are you suddenlytaking court appointments?我只是需要点改变I just need kind ofa change, that's all.现在所有人都不满意了这算什么?Now everyone here is dissatisfied? What is this?上周我处理的案子The case I did last week...它某种程度上让我想明白了一些事it kind of awakened me a little.我想要和人有更多的相处I'm feeling the needto connect with people.-是犯罪的人吧-请不要那么浅薄- Criminal people.- Please don't trivialize this.辩护与起诉相差很多Lori Criminal defense is a far cryfrom criminal prosecution, Lori.你不会喜欢的Y ou won't like it.你怎么会知道我还没...How can you possibly knowthat before I even...我了解你I know you.那么..So...我们可以开始了?Shall we?当然你有Morgan的地址吗?We shall. Do you haveMorgan's address?我有但其实我想说I do, but what I meant is,我们从昨晚中断的地方继续吧shall we continue wherewe left off last night?你在我房子前面朝着植物撒尿In front of my buildingwith you peeing in the planter.我差点就爆了你应该让我上楼的I was about to burst.Y ou should've let me come up.那些植物需要浇水了That plant needed watering.Tara 你应该让我上去的Y ou should've let me come up, Tara. 零晨四点我让你上来了It was 4:00 A.M.I let you up,接着能记得的就是我们在酒吧next thing we know,we're in the liquor cabinet.2分钟后后就什么也不知道了Two minutes after that,passed out.Robin四仰八叉缠在蝙蚨侠身上Robin sprawled across batman.在司法厅他们会怎么说What would they sayat the hall of justice?这就是你担心的？四仰八叉Was that what you wereafraid of, the sprawling?我叫你出来玩是想让你忘记SallyI invited you out toget your mind off Sally.你是做到了我又是那个你熟悉的荒唐的人了Y ou've succeeded. It's back toan old, familiar wanton place.Alan 我们说好了我们不可能Alan, we agreed thatyou and I couldn't work.是为什么来着? 我忘记了What was the reason again?I've forgotten.因为会惹麻烦It would be trouble.只是一晚我们就完全失控然后倒在酒吧后面One night out, we lose all control Which was utterly intoxicating, and end up behind bars.回味无穷不是吗? 一起疯狂was it not, losing control together?00:06:34,572 --> 00:06:35,573怎样TaraWhat about it, Tara?都这么久了我们或许应该开始脱光..After all this time,maybe we should undress.我们要迟到了We're late.很厚的文件Thick file.当然很厚Of course, it's a thick file.这是上千人共同起诉的案子It's a class action involvingthousands of plaintiffs,而且错综复杂Dennyand it's complicated, Denny.Thick file.你看我们唯一能做的就是请求法官的谅解Look, all we can do is throw ourselvesat the mercy of the judge.你跟我去见法官解释下Edwin的状况If you and I both go to see himand explained Edwin's situation,或许能争取到一些时间maybe he'll give us some time.厚啊...Thick file.7万美元$70,000.这是他们开的价It's their opening offer.Mr.Morgan 你是个好人Y ou seem like a verynice man, Mr. Morgan.可也像个忧郁症患者Y ou also seem like a hypochondriac.我是真的头疼These headaches are real.我相信I have no doubt.你曾经还抱怨过Y ou've also complainedon several occasions你感染了塔那痘病毒(Tanapox virus 痘病毒科)that you were sufferingfrom tanapox virus.我发现皮肤上有典型的泡疹Because I noticed thecharacteristic papular lesions.它们非常容易破掉They're very tender.直径大约2厘米Approximately 2 centimeters in diameter. 你要知道塔那痘病毒是非洲靠近赤道附近的地方病Y ou realize the tanapox virusis endemic to equatorial Africa.－你去了那么多次旅途愉快吗？Y es. / Have you enjoyed your many visits to equatorial Africa?我从来没去过I've never been there.呃这样的话Ah. Then perhaps...你应该可以看出我们的麻烦所在了吧Mr.Morgan you can see the outlineof our problem, Mr. Morgan.可这不是我的错Look, it's not my fault.我去图书馆I go to the library,查资料and I read books.我想知道怎样才能好起来And I try to understandhow I might get better,可有时侯书里的内容反而让我更害怕了but sometimes, the books,they scare me even more他们总是能描述出那些连我自己都不知道已经得了的病because they describe diseasesI didn't even know I had.大概我是有忧郁症Maybe I am a hypochondriac.你怎么想?What do you take for that?Colson小姐我之前从来没有打过架Miss Colson, I have never beenin a fight before.这样我们要找一两个证人Okay, we need to be ableto call a witness or two谁能来证明你并不暴力who can speak to yournonviolent character.我妈妈可以Well, I told you, my mother.母亲有偏袒嫌疑最好不要Mothers tend to come off as biased.应该还有其他人的There's gotta be somebody else.朋友同事一定还有Friends, coworkers.There's gotta be somebody.可我在家住在家工作我几乎不出门的Well, I live at home, I work at home,I hardly ever go out.我妈妈是唯一能...My mother's the only one...但我要提前警告你but I gotta warn you,她的形象不是很好she doesn't make the best impression.什么意思?What do you mean?她有一个玻璃假眼Well, she's got a glass eye.尺寸不太合适所以她一激动...And it doesn't fit so good,and when she gets upset...如果你让她出庭作证if you put her on the stand,不要惹她发怒don't get her upset.我去吧台拿些喝的I went up to the barto get a few drinks,我转过身就看到唔and when I turned around,that's when I saw, uh,Jared和他在吵架Jared and him exchanging words.我看得出他们言词不善And I could tell it wasn't friendly.他?By him?就是被告The defendant.我开始往回走那里非常拥挤So I started heading back,and the place was really packed.我被堵住了So I was kinda blocked.那时看到Jared在推他That's when I saw Jared push him,然后Jared挥了一拳然后...and then Jared took a swing, and...就这样了That was it.什么样了?What was "it"?告诉我们你所看到的Tell us what you saw.被告就朝Jared喉咙猛击了一下The defendant, he just threwa punch right at Jared's throat,Jared就瘫倒在地了and Jared collapsed to the ground.我赶到那时When I got there,他呼吸很困难而且...he was hardly breathing, and...他嘴里不断发出倒抽气的声音he was making, like, a sucking noise. 最后他停止了呼吸And then he just stopped breathing.我试过人工呼吸And I tried to do mouth-to-mouth,有个说会CPR的人也尝试了可他... (CPR 心肺复苏术)and so did another guy whosaid he knew CPR, but he...他只是躺在那里死了He just died right there on the floor.好的Okay.Quinlan先生这很关键Now, Mr. Quinlan, this is important.尽可能的详细描述那一个猛击Describe the punch as best you can.很短促直接的击打我可以It was a short, direct punch,and I could....我可以从他握拳的姿势and I could tell by the wayhe was holding his hand和他出拳样子知道他会武术and how he threw the punchthat he knew martial arts.那是致命的一击It was a kill punch.－反对!－反对有效Objection! / Sustained.根据你的说法为什么你会认为那是致命的一击Why, in your lay opinion, sir,did you regard it as a kill punch?－反对－反对驳回Objection. / Overruled.他可以回答He can answer.攻击对方的喉咙会导致喉部的衰竭By hitting the throat,you can make it collapse,受击打者就会窒息and then the person suffocates.就像已经发生的那样Which is exactly what happened.谢谢Okay.你并没有看到争吵的开始Y ou didn't actually seethe altercation begin.你只是转过身看到他们正在说话Y ou turned around, andthey were having words.-是的-你听不到他们在说什么- That's right.- Y ou couldn't hear what was said?-是的-Mr.Quinlan 警察在现场做笔录时No. / Mr. Quinlan, when the police arrived and questioned you,你有否说过我委托人的那一拳did you tell them that you recognized my client's punch是武术里的一种拳法as a form of martial arts?没有我不肯定...No, I was probably...你有否对警方描述了那一拳就像你刚才对陪审团说的那样Did you demonstrate to themthe fist you just made for the jury?我当时太震惊了I was too shook up.事实上你从未提到过武术二字In fact, you made no mentionof martial arts直到这两个字被印上了报纸until after it was publishedin the newspapers.当我读到的时候这两个字提醒了我And when I read it, it clicked.它很恰当就像我所看到的那样It all made perfect sense,because that's what I saw.所以当你面对警方详细询的时候Y ou just forgot to mention it你只是忘记提到了那一拳when the police specificallyasked you what you saw.请问那晚你喝了多少啤酒?How many beers had you hadthat night, sir?－3瓶－Jared Grant喝了多少?Three. / How many beers hadJared Grant had?－3瓶－所以你承认没有听到他们的争吵Three. / So you admittedly couldn't hear the exchange,也承认没看到争执的开始you admittedly didn't seethe altercation begin,而且你还喝了酒and you'd been drinking.没有人能预计Edwin Poole的病Certainly no one could anticipateEdwin Poole's illness.这个病几周前就发作了This unanticipated illnessoccurred weeks ago.你们在庭审前一天才来找我Y ou come to me the day before the trial? 实际上这是我们的工作疏忽The simple truth is,this one fell through the cracks.起诉方的证人有些是从城外赶来的The plaintiff has witnessesfrom out of town.我们非常乐意补偿这些损失We'd be willing to assume those costs. 天啊多么自大的一群人Gee, what a swell bunch of guys.－法官阁下－哦不不不我最讨厌这样的Y our honor.../ oh, no, no, no,I'm sick of this.你们在用拖延策略Y our firm has employed a strategy systemic heel-dragging.-这不符职业道德-Edwin poole是唯一一个知道...It is immoral. / Edwin pooleis the only one who know...这是谁的错?Whose fault is that?你们自己玩忽职守Y ou people should be suedfor malpractice.Brian 你和我有交情Brian, you and I have a relationship.我把你当朋友I think of you as a friend.不过交情排在原则的后面抱歉Well, that friendship has gotta takea back seat to principle, I'm sorry. Brian 你知道考虑到我们的关系Well, you know, Brian,given our relationship,我觉得当友谊陷入困境时我应该坦诚相待I feel entitled to be honest the wayfriends are during difficult times.我能对你坦诚吗BrianCan I be honest with you, Brian?－请说－DennyPlease. Denny...你是个混蛋还是个贪婪的混蛋Y ou're a bastard,and a greedy one at that.这是件共同起诉案This is a class action.合并审判一下解决这么多案子让你大受赞赏Y ou get credit for all the consolidatedcases in one fell swoop.你正在谋求首席法官的位置Y ou're looking to makepresiding judge.所以年终你更需要建功立业Y ou need that creditby calendar year's end.所以你急切的要案子进行来装饰你的诉讼记录That's why you're desperate to movethis thing forward, to pad your docket.这是野心不是道德你是个贪婪的流着鼻涕的小人This is about ambition, not morality,you greedy, sniveling little wop.延期申请不通过Motion for continuance denied.你知道我要怎么做吗BrianY ou know what I'm gonna do, Brian,为了证明我俩没伤到和气just to show you thereare no hard feelings?我要和你的妻子上床I'm gonna sleep with your wife.我们建议要么你解雇我们It is our recommendation thatyou discharge us as counsel.向法官请求时间找新律师Ask the judge for timeto find new attorneys.或者明天照常继续The only alternative isproceeding tomorrow,我估计没人这样希望which I don't think we want to do. Edwin Poole从来没有告诉我们审理的日期Edwin Poole never evengave us this trial date.他说还没确定He told us it was continued indefinitely.所以我们建议你解雇我们Which is why we're suggestingthat you discharge us.法官必须给你时间找新律师He has got to give you timeto find new counsel.- Sally 这次必须你来- 我?- Y ou have to handle this, Sally.- Me?瞧我对玻璃眼球有心理障碍Look, I have this thingabout glass eyes.我有个老师也这样I once had a teacherwith a glass eye,有时候他一激动起来and sometimes when he'd get mad,就拿出来往桌子上拍he'd take it out andwhack it on his desk.简直是恶梦It gave me nightmares.嗨Hi, there.嘿Hey.她怎么了?What was that?没什么Nothing.看上去有人急切的渴望Someone just seemsa little overeager和Alan Shore旧情复燃to rekindle the flame with Alan Shore. 我们坚持7万美元The offer was firm at $70,000.是的可如果不那么坚持你们多提高1/4 我们就接受了Y es, we thought if you'd un-firm itto one and a quater, we could be done. 而你的委托人明天就不用上庭Y our client wouldn't haveto testify tomorrow,当然他就能更多的误诊其他人了which, of course, would freehim up to misdiagnose others.看来你还没明白Mr. Shore.Y ou don't seem to get it, Mr. Shore.给7万美元我们只是要摆脱无赖纠缠We offered $70,000as nuisance change.是的我们只是觉得Mr. MorganY es. We just feel Mr. Morgan要比你说的更令人无赖is a much bigger nuisancethan you give him credit for.而我更是无比的无赖我们应该可以为此再多拿点And I'm an enormous nuisance.We should get something for that.－我想吐－你会没事的- I feel nauseous.- Y ou'll be fine.敲门Knock on it.－你来－Sally!Y ou knock on it. / Sally!如果是我负责与她对话至少你来敲门If I'm doing the talking,the least you could do is...律师？Y ou, his lawyers?－嗨－嗨Hi. / Hi.我是Sally Heep 这位是I'm Sally Heep. This is...-Lori Colson-你好Lori Colson. Hello.嗯我们想问几个问题Binder夫人如果可以的话Uh, we just wanted to ask you a few questions, Mrs. Binder, if we could. 进来Come on in.他是个心地善良的好男孩He's a wonderful boywith a gentle heart.是的我们的问题是Y es, our problem is,你似乎是唯一一个了解他的人you seem to be the only personto truly know him.他觉得因为这个假眼我不会是个好证人He think I'll make a bad witnesson account of the eye.它是玻璃的看到了吗?It's glass, you see.近些看Look close.是的Y es.嗯Y eah.事情是这样的The thing is,检控方宣称the prosecution is obviously claiming Jason的心地并不善良that Jason's heart is not gentle.他和人有过纠纷吗?Has he ever been in trouble?他曾经被拘捕过吗?Has he ever been arrested?他替其他人惹过麻烦吗?Has he ever caused anyproblems for anybody?没有他是个好人我也是这么教他的No, he is a nice young man,and it's the way I raised him.这就是我们希望你说的That's exactly whatwe'll need you to say.也许我可以带你去买点衣服做个头发I'm also maybe gonna take you shopping, get your hair done.－形象越好…－Jared Grant 他该死- The more presentable...- He deserved to die, Jared Grant.为什么这么说?Why do you say that?他打了我的Jason.He beat up my Jason.不过他没有打得很厉害Well, he didn't exactly beat him up.－只是发生了口角－他痛打了他- There was an altercation.- He beat him up.那个男的是恶魔他该死The man is evil, andhe deserved to die!- 冷静下来- 我告诉你了他该死!- Let's calm down.- He deserved it, I tell you!Rayburn医生Dr. Rayburn,Mr. Morgan 由你来负责超过6个月了over the six months thatMr. Morgan was in your care,他来过你这多少次?how many visits did he maketo your practice?38次38.算多吗?Is that a lot?比其他病人多出四倍Four times as manyas any other patient.我们玩笑说他是办公室的吉祥物We joked he was the office mascot. 你说的出病状他就坚信自己得了那些病Y ou name the condition Mr. Morgan was convinced he had it.伤风感冒支气管炎Cold, flu, bronchitis,带状疱疹成人发作性糖尿病shingles, adult onset diabetes.我从来没说过糖尿病I never complained ofadult onset diabetes.那个的症状应该是口渴That's characterizedby excessive thirst.你觉得我今天喝了很多水?Does it seem to you likeI've been drinking a lot today?我确定你很好BillI'm sure you're fine, Bill.Mr. Morgan 认为你的疏忽导致了他今天的状况Mr. Morgan contends your neglect drove him to this state.实际上我已经尽量的容忍他了The truth is, I bent over backwards to accommodate him.他总要求立刻见我He always needed tobe seen immediately,无论我有多忙and busy as my practice is,我总是挤出时间I always made the time.我为你感到骄傲先生为你不知疲倦的对待我的委托人I applaud you, sir, for yourtireless commitment to my client.多好的人!What a guy!－反对－反对有效Objection. / Sustained.所以这38次都算在诊所头上？G So these 38 visits, on the house?什么?I'm sorry?它们都是免费的？They were free visits?不是No.哦~!Oh!所以你是收了钱的这就合理了So you charged him.That makes sense.所以当他抱怨浑身无力So with all his complaining,his incapacitation,痛苦的脸皱成一团that pinched look on his face,其实一点毛病没有there's nothing wrong with him.临床上没有而问题出在他脑袋里了Nothing clinically, no.It's in his head.只是普通的偏头痛对吗? Traditional home forthe migraine, is it not?是心身失调It's psychosomatic.他是个典型的抑郁症患者He's a classic hypochondriac.我明白了I see.所以还是有个诊断的Well, there's a diagnosis.那么告诉我你开出了什么处方Tell me, what treatment did you prescribe 医治我委托人的典型的抑郁症for my client's classic hypochondria?我是全科医生不是精神病学医师I'm a general practitioner,not a psychiatrist.所以你建议他出去找...So you referred him out to...谁?whom?没有特定的谁No one in particular.我告诉了他他需要帮助I did tell him he needed help.我甚至给了他一个从业者的名单I believe I even gave hima list of practitioners.所以当他仍然来看病So he kept coming to you,你只是继续收钱却不治疗you kept taking his money,you did not treat him,而且还建议他去看...and you referred him to...一个不确定的医生no one in particular.我是全科医生I'm a G.P.我告诉他要进行精神治疗I told him to seek mental treatment.我只是建议我不能强迫他I advised it. I can't force it.所以我们再总结一次他不停的来你不停的收钱Once again, he kept coming,you kept taking the money,然后建议他去看一个...and you referred him to...不确定的医生no one in particular.那么你要解雇你的律师?So you now want to fire your lawyers?是的法官阁下Y es, your honor.我们不知道审理什么时候开始We had no idea trial was about to start.足以说明他们有多不合格That's how incompetentthese people are.我估计你也没意识到And I suppose you had no idea你的公司正欺诈着老年人your company was bilking senior citizens? 当然阁下你也一定是开明的因为.. Certainly your honor intends to keepan open mind with regard to the...就这么决定了Here's the deal.我可以给你一天找律师24个小时I give you one day to findnew counsel, 24 hours.这以后我会对你们的拖延罚以每天25万美元After that, I'm fining you $250,000a day for any further delay.这看上去像公报私仇It almost seemed personal.你们做过什么招惹这家伙没?Have you done anythingto upset this guy?我不记得有过Not that I can think of.看撇开准备这事不谈Well, look, aside frompreparation concerns,我们有更大的问题了we got a bigger problem.这个法官他有偏见This judge, he's biased.所以我想建议This is what I propose we do.－我们起草一份和谈申请要求...－那是25万美元一天File an interlocutory appeal and ask... / At $250,000 a day.要求和谈我们就有路可走了While we're filing that appeal,we'll go forward.如果赢了我们就能搁置审判Should we win,we can suspend the trial.输了也不会被罚款Should we lose,we won't incur the fine.你的人能搞定这个吗?But are you people readyto try this case?我来I can try it.Denny CraneDenny Crane.有几个谈判都被搁置了There were some settlement discussions that broke down.如果Denny开局不错他们应该会回到谈判桌前If Denny can open big, thatmight bring them back to the table,这也是目前唯一的办法which may be the best wayto go at this point.是四年前在Brighton的一个公园It was four years agoat a park in Brighton.你遇到了被告Y ou met the defendant.这个不能算是遇到Well, I didn't exactly meet him.那是什么?Well, what then?我海扁了他一顿I beat the crap out of him.抱歉Excuse me.我已经改过自新了I was a different person then.好的Mr. Stone 请详细告诉我们那时发生了什么Okay, Mr. Stone, we need to be very specific about what happened back then. 当时他想跟我们一起打篮球Well, he tried to getinto a game of pickup hoops.我和一个兄弟就骂了他几句Me and another guy in the game we started dissing him a little.他回了嘴He said something back,我们就狠揍了他一顿and we beat him up pretty good.当然我并不引以为傲I'm not proud of it.你确定那是Jason Binder?And you're sure it was Jason Binder. 是的Y eah,看到报纸上的照片我记得他的脸when I saw his picture on the news, I remembered his face.绝对是他It was definitely him.那另一个打他的人呢?And what about the other guywho beat him up?Jared Grant 就是他杀的那个Jared Grant, the guy he killed.你骗了我Y ou lied to me.在打架前你就...Not only were you in a fight before... 这不代表什么it doesn't prove anything.他们有你杀人的动机了Jason Now they have a motive, Jason.被害人四年前打了你然后你就开始练习跆拳道The victim beats you up four years ago, you take up Taekwondo,这么巧你又遇到了他you just so happen to encounter him, 于是就杀了他at which point you kill him?不是你说的那样It wasn't like that.这就是为什么你妈妈会说他该死因为That's why your mom saidhe deserved to die, because...不是那样的It wasn't like that.我还能去辩护什么?What am I supposed to argue now? 坦白讲Jason 是为了报仇你才去酒吧的吗?Let's have it, Jason.Did you go to that bar to get revenge? 我是去让自己面对他I went there to stand up to him.你无法想象我受着怎样的煎熬被他们...Y ou have no ideahow haunted I was by...四年前我连手都没敢举起来过I didn't even put upmy hands four years ago.不是挨打在折磨我It wasn't getting beat upthat stuck with me.是我根本没...It was that I didn't even...我只是任由自己挨打I just let myself get beat up.所以你开始练习武术So you took up martial arts.然后我去了那里找他And I went there to stand up to him. 我没有想要打架I didn't plan to fight.更没想过杀他I certainly didn't go there to kill him. 当他一拳挥来我只是...Then when he swung at me,I just...反击了I swung back.我没有想杀他I never meant to kill him.我们多收了谁的钱?Who are we overbilling?医疗保险还是那些老人们? medicare or senior citizens?都有但医疗保险没有起诉我们Both, but medicare isn't suing us."我们"是指制药公司?"Us." Meaning the drug company.－是的－但如果是医院在滥收费Correct. / But if the hospitalsare doing the overcharging,那帮老年人干吗要告制药公司?why are the seniors suingthe drug company?Denny 我们已经讨论这个问题了Denny, we've been over this before.制药公司也就是我们的委托人跟医院有私下协议The drug company, our client, hasthe sweetheart deals with the hospitals. 我们给医院回扣医院则虚高药的成本价We give them rebates so they disguise the real cost of the drugs.向医疗保险开出高于原价的帐单相当于滥计成本They then bill medicare for the higher, allegedly inflated costs.真的这我们要怎么辩Really. What's our defense to that?－7万5千美元－你们只提高了5千块$75,000.Y ou've upped your offer by $5,000.已经相当慷慨了We feel it's generous,尤其是你的委托人没有实质性的伤害particularly when your client's injuries aren't real.- 那些病是真的- 好了Bill- They're real.- All right, Bill.你要知道Mr. Morgan我不是那种挑拨离间的律师Y ou know, Mr. Morgan, I don't typically counsel opposing parties,但我建议你起诉你的律师失职but I might advise a legal malpractice claim against the attorney就是那个灌输你百万发财梦的律师who filled your headwith million-dollar windfalls.你那里好像有点什么Y ou seem to have a little something wedged第4 第5之间between numbers four and five.估计本来就长在你嘴里I guess it's just part of your mouth.最后说一次能接受的...One last proposal that'sentirely possible...当然算不算玩笑取决于你的反应I'm kidding, by the way, depending upon your reaction,30万成交$300,000, sealed.私下我们退还你5万We kick back $50,000to you under the table.Mr. Shore 我向你保证我不是那种律师Mr. Shore, I guarantee you,I am not that kind of attorney.真的Really.上帝我是Gosh, I am.我要直接向律师协会举报你I should report you directly to the bar, 或者是向检查官if not the district attorney.如果你这么想那我就是在开玩笑Well, if that's how you feel,then I was kidding.我要去法官那了I'm going to the judge now.太棒了一场诉讼Excellent. New trial.你委托人的花费一定要超过7万5了That'll certainly cost your client much more than $75,000.你的提议不被接受Y our offer is rejected.万一他去法官那...Suppose he does, go to the judge.拜托他可不想弄个无效审判他觉得稳操胜券了Oh, please, he doesn't wanta mistrial. He thinks he's won.再说他没法证明我不是开玩笑Plus, he can't proveI wasn't kidding.我有名的搞笑I'm known to be funny.这是个连蚊子都不杀的孩子This is a child whowouldn't slap a mosquito.他只是挥走它们He would shoo it away.他甚至不能容忍自己去伤害一只苍蝇或是任何动物He couldn't bring himselfto harm a fly or any animal,更何况是人certainly not a human being.四年心怀怨恨你不认为他会爆发? Four years harboring a grudgedoesn't suggest a rage to you?他总被人欺负Mr. MartinHe was bullied by manypeople, Mr. Martin,－不仅仅是Jared Grant.－但他杀了Jared Grant.- not just Jared Grant.- But he killed Jared Grant.他只是被迫去打架He got into a fight,而结果是个不幸的悲剧which had a tragic ending.他从没意图去谋杀他也不能He never intended to kill,。

Sherlock神探福尔摩斯第一季第一集WATSON华生THE PERSONAL BLOG OF DR.John H.Watson(约翰·华生医生的博客)How's your blog going?博客写的如何?Yeah, good, very good.嗯顺利很顺利You haven't written a word, have you?你一个字都没写对吧?You just wrote "still has trust issues".你刚写下了"仍然不信任人"And you read my writing upside down.而你颠倒着读出了我写的东西You see what I mean?知道我什么意思了?John, you're a soldier约翰你是个军人and it's going to take you a while从这个身份到普通人to adjust to civilian life需要一个过程and writing a blog about everything that happens to you把你每天的遭遇写在博客上will honestly help you.会有很大帮助Nothing happens to me.我根本没有任何遭遇October 12th10月12日'What do you mean there's no ruddy car?'你说一辆破车都没了?He went to Waterloo, I'm sorry.他去滑铁卢了抱歉Get a cab I never get cabs叫辆出租车我从不叫车I love you. When?我爱你什么时候?Get a cab快叫辆出租车My husband我的丈夫was a happy man who lived life to the full.是个努力生活的乐观男人He loved his family and his work,他热爱家庭和工作and that he should have taken his own life in this way他选择这样结束自己的生命is a mystery让人无法理解and a shock to all who knew him.也让认识他的人都感到震惊Taxi, taxi出租车出租车November 26th11月26日I'll be just two minutes, mate. What?给我两分钟朋友什么?I'm just going home to get my umbrella.我要回去拿伞You can share mine.你可以和我一起撑Two minutes, all right?就两分钟好吗?Boy 18，kills himself in side sports centre(18岁男孩在体育馆自杀)January 27th11月27日She still dancing?她还在跳舞?Yeah, if you can call it that.是的如果叫做跳舞的话Did you get the car keys off her?拿走她车钥匙了吗?Got them out of her bag.从她包里拿出来了Where is she?她到哪里去了?The body of Beth Davenport, Junior Minister for Transport, 副运输部长贝斯·戴文特的尸体was found late last night昨天深夜在伦敦on a building site in Greater London.一建筑工地被发现Preliminary investigations suggest that this was suicide.初步调查的结果为自杀We can confirm that我们可以确认this apparent suicide closely resembles those of这起自杀案十分类似于Sir Jeffrey Patterson杰弗瑞·帕特森爵士and James Phillimore.和詹姆士·费力默的状况In the light of this,因为这点these incidents are now being treated as linked.我们认为他们很有可能有关联The investigation is ongoing调查还在继续but Detective Inspector Lestrade will take questions now. 不过雷斯垂德探长会回答大家的问题Detective Inspector, how can suicides be linked?探长自杀事件怎么会有关联?Well, they all took the same poison.因为他们服用的药都一样They were all found in places they had no reason to be. 尸体都在他们不该出现的地方出现None of them had shown any prior indication.都没有明显的动机But you can't have serial suicides.不可能会有连环自杀Well, apparently you can.显然已经有了These three people, there's nothing that links them?这三人之间没有关系吗?There's no link we've found yet but暂时还没发现关系但是we're looking for it. There has to be one.我们在寻找一定存在的Wrong！(错)If you've all got texts, please ignore them.如果你们都收到了短信请忽略它It just says "Wrong".上面只写着"错"Well, just ignore that. If there are no more questions,是的别管它如果没有其它问题For Detective Inspector Lestrade要问雷斯垂德探长的话I'm going to bring this session to an end.这次发布会就到此结束了If they're suicides, what are you investigating?既然是自杀你们在调查什么?As I say, these suicides are clearly linked.就像我说的这几起自杀明显存在联系It's an unusual situation,这件事很不寻常we've got our best people investigating.我们已经派遣最好的人手调查Says "Wrong" again.又收到了“错”One more question.最后一个问题Is there any chance that these are murders?有可能是谋杀吗?And if they are, is this the work of a serial killer?如果是的话会是连环杀手干的吗?I know that you like writing about these我知道你们更喜欢写这种故事but these do appear to be suicides.但现场状况确系自杀We know the difference.两者的差别明显The poison was clearly self-administered.很清楚毒药是他们自己服下的Yes, but if they are murders,是的可如果他们真是被杀how do people keep themselves safe?大家怎么才能保证自身安全?Well, don't commit suicide.珍爱生命不要自杀Daily Mail每日邮报Obviously, This is a frightening time for people现在虽是恐慌时期but all anyone has to do is exercise reasonable precautions. 大家需要的是提高警惕We are all as safe as we want to be.安全是可以由自己创造的wrong(错)You know where to find me. SH(你知道我在哪里夏·福)Thank you.谢谢大家You've got to stop him doing that.你得阻止这家伙He's making us look like idiots.弄的我们像白痴一样If you can tell me how he does it, I'll stop him.你告诉我他是怎么做到的我就去John约翰John Watson约翰·华生Stamford, Mike Stamford. We were at Barts together. 麦克·斯坦佛巴兹医学院的同学Yes, sorry, yes, Mike, hello.是的抱歉麦克你好Yes, I know, I got fat. No, no.是我知道自己胖了没有I heard you were abroad somewhere getting shot at. 我听说你出国了还中枪了What happened?怎么回事?I got shot.就是中枪了Are you still at Barts then?你还在巴兹吗?Teaching now,现在教书了yeah, bright young things like we used to be.聪明的年轻人就像当年的我们God, I hate them.上帝啊我烦死他们了What about you,那你呢?just staying in town till you get yourself sorted?恢复之前一直这样呆着?I can't afford London on an Army pension.只靠军队抚恤金在伦敦无法生活Couldn't bear to be anywhere else.在别的地方你活不下去That's not the John Watson I know.这不是我认识的约翰·华生I'm not the John Watson.我不是那个约翰·华生了Couldn't Harry help?哈利没帮你?Yeah, like that's going to happen你觉得可能吗I don't know, get a flatshare or something?不知道找个人一起租房子什么的Come on得了Who'd want me for a flatmate?谁愿意同我做室友?What?怎么了?You're the second person to say that to me today.你是今天第二个对我说这话的人Who was the first?谁是第一个?How fresh?有多新鲜?Just in. 67, natural causes.刚来的67岁自然死亡Used to work here. I knew him, he was nice.曾经在这里工作我认识他人不错Fine.很好We'll start with the riding crop.那我们从马鞭开始So, bad day was it?呃今天心情不好吗?I need to know what bruises form in the next 20 minutes. 我需要知道它在20分钟内的伤痕情况A man's alibi depends on it. Text me.一个人的不在场证明就靠他了发短信给我Listen, I was wondering.对了我想...Maybe later, when you're finished...等会儿如果你结束了...You're wearing lipstick.你搽了口红You weren't wearing lipstick before.你从来不用的I refreshed it a bit.我想显得精神点Sorry, you were saying?抱歉你刚刚说什么?I was wondering if you'd like to have coffee? 我说要不要去喝咖啡?Black, two sugars, please. I'll be upstairs.黑咖啡两块糖谢谢拿到楼上OK.好吧Bit different from my day. You've no idea物是人非了你没想到吧Mike, can I borrow your phone?麦克可以借电话一用吗?There's no signal on mine.我的在这儿没信号And what's wrong with the landline?座机坏了吗?I prefer to text.我比较喜欢发短信Sorry, it's in my coat.抱歉在我外套里Here, use mine.这里用我的Oh, thank you.噢谢谢你This is an old friend of mine, John Watson. 这是我的老朋友约翰·华生Afghanistan or Iraq?在阿富汗还是伊拉克?Sorry?什么?Which was it, in Afghanistan or Iraq?哪个国家阿富汗还是伊拉克? Afghanistan, sorry, how did you know?阿富汗抱歉你怎么知道?Ah Coffee, thank you.茉莉咖啡来了谢谢What happened to the lipstick?口红呢?It wasn't working for me.它对我没用Really? It was a big improvement.是吗? 我觉得很有用Your mouth's too small now.你现在嘴太小了OK.好吧How do you feel about the violin?你对小提琴感觉如何?I'm sorry, what?对不起什么?I play the violin when I'm thinking and sometimes我在想事情时会拉小提琴有时I don't talk for days on end. Would that bother you?一天都不讲话你介意吗?Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other. 做室友应该知道对方的缺点You told him about me?你把我的事告诉他了Not a word.一个字都没提Who said anything about flatmates?那谁告诉你室友这回事?I did. Told Mike this morning我本人今早我告诉麦克that I must be a difficult man to find a flatmate for.我这种人找个室友多困难Now here he is just after lunch刚过午饭他就来了with an old friend clearly just home from带来一个老朋友显然刚在military service in Afghanistan. Wasn't a difficult leap.阿富汗军队服役过并不难猜到吧How did you know about Afghanistan?你怎么知道阿富汗的事?Got my eye on a nice little place in central London.我找到了伦敦市中心的一个好地方We ought to be able to afford it.价格我们一起能负担得起We'll meet there tomorrow evening, seven o'clock.明晚7点整在那里碰头Sorry, got to dash.抱歉我真健忘I think I left my riding crop in the mortuary.把鞭子留在停尸间了Is that it?这表示?Is that what?表示什么?We've only just met我们才刚见面and we're going to go and look at a flat?就要一起找房子?Problem?有问题吗?We don't know a thing about each other.我们彼此一无所知I don't know where we're meeting,不知道约在哪里见I don't even know your name.甚至也不知道你的名字I know you're an Army doctor and you've been我知道你是军医刚从阿富汗invalided home from Afghanistan.被遣送回国You've got a brother worried about you你有一个哥哥很关心你but you won't go to him for help because you don't你却不愿意得到他的帮助approve of him, possibly because he's an alcoholic,你对他不满也许因为他嗜酒more likely because he recently walked out on his wife. 更有可能是他刚抛弃了他老婆And I know that your therapist thinks your我也知道医生认为你limp's psychosomatic, quite correctly, I'm afraid.患有伤残心理后遗症恐怕这诊断很对That's enough to be going on with, don't you think?作为室友这些够了吧?The name's Sherlock Holmes我的名字叫夏洛克·福尔摩斯and the address is 221B Baker Street.那里的地址是贝克街221BAfternoon.下午好Yeah, he's always like that.是的他一直都这样Messages- Received(短信)Messages-sent(发送成功)If brother has green ladder arrest brother. SH(如果哥哥有绿色梯子就逮捕他夏·福)search(搜索)Sherlock Holmes(夏洛克·福尔摩斯)BAKER STREET W1 CITY OF WESTMINSTER(贝克街威斯敏斯特)Hello你好Ah - Mr Holmes. Sherlock, please.福尔摩斯先生请叫我夏洛克Well, this is a prime spot. Must be expensive.这里位置很好应该非常贵Mrs Hudson, the landlady - she's given me a special deal. 房东赫德森太太给了我特价Owes me a favour. A few years back,欠我一个人情几年之前her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. 她丈夫在弗罗里达被判处无期徒刑I was able to help out.我出了点力Sorry - you stopped her husband being executed?所以你让她丈夫免于死刑?Oh, no, I ensured it.没有我指证了他Sherlock夏洛克Mrs Hudson, Dr John Watson.赫德森太太约翰·华生医生Hello. Come in.你好进来Thank you. Shall we...?谢谢请进吧Well, this could be very nice.这里还挺不错very nice indeed确实很棒Yes.是的Yes, I think so, my thoughts precisely.对我也这样觉得So I went straight ahead and moved in.所以我就直接搬进来了Soon as we get all this rubbish cleaned out...只要把这些垃圾清理出去...So this is all... Well,所以这都是... 好吧obviously I can erm... straighten things up a bit.我可以把它们放放好That's a skull. Friend of mine.这是个骷髅我的朋友When I say friend...我说的朋友是...What do you think, then, Dr Watson?你觉得如何华生医生?There's another bedroom upstairs,楼上还有一个卧室if you'll be needing two bedrooms.如果你们需要两间卧室的话Of course we'll be needing two.当然需要两间Oh, don't worry, there's all sorts round here.别担心的这里什么人都有Mrs Turner next door's got.隔壁特勒太太家那对还结婚了呢Oh... Sherlock The mess you've made.夏洛克看看弄的多乱I looked you up on the internet last night.昨晚在网上搜索了你Anything interesting?有什么有趣的发现吗?Found your website. The Science of Deduction.找到了你的网站"演绎法研究"What did you think?你觉得如何?You said you could identify a software designer by his tie 你说可以从领带看出一个软件设计师and an airline pilot by his left thumb?从大拇指看出一个飞行员Yes.是的And I can read your military career我从你的脸和腿上in your face and your leg,看出你军人的经历and your brother's drinking habits on your mobile phone. 从你的手机上看出你兄弟酗酒How?怎么看?What about these suicides then, Sherlock?这些自杀是怎么回事夏洛克?I thought that'd be right up your street.我想你会感兴趣吧Three exactly the same.3起一模一样的案件Four.4起There's been a fourth. And there's something第4起发生了而且这次different this time. A fourth?有些不一样第4起?Where?在哪里?Brixton, Lauriston Gardens.布莱克斯顿劳里斯顿花园What's new about this one?这次有什么不同?You wouldn't have come to me要不你也不会专程来otherwise there was somethin different.肯定有些反常之处You know how they never leave notes? Yeah. This one did. 之前受害人从不留信息这次有了Will you come?你来吗?Who's on forensics? Anderson.这次谁负责取证? 安德森He doesn't work well with me.我和他相处不好Well, he won't be your assistant.反正他不会是你助手I NEED an assistant.我需要一个助手Will you come?你来吗?Not in a police car, I'll be right behind.不坐警车我要跟在后面Thank you.谢谢Brilliant Yes太棒了耶Four serial suicides, and now a note.4起连环自杀这次还有遗言Oh, it's Christmas. Mrs Hudson,圣诞节到了啊赫德森太太I'll be late. Might need some food.我会迟点来可能需要准备点食物I'm your landlady, dear, not your housekeeper.我是你的房东亲爱的不是管家Something cold will do. John, have a cup of tea,冷的也行约翰喝杯茶make yourself at home.把这儿当自己家Don't wait up别等我Look at him, dashing about...看看他就知道就知道往外跑My husband was just the same.我丈夫也一样But you're more the sitting-down type, I can tell.看的出来你是很沉稳的类型I'll make you that cuppa, you rest your leg.我给你倒杯茶歇歇你的腿Damn my leg Sorry, I'm so sorry -它娘的腿对不起抱歉It's just sometimes this bloody thing...有时候这些操蛋的事儿...I understand, dear, I've got a hip.我明白亲爱的我髋骨也不好Cup of tea'd be lovely. Thank you. Just this once, dear, 一杯茶就好了谢谢就说一次亲爱的I'm not your housekeeper.我不是管家Couple of biscuits too, if you've got 'em.再来两块饼干如果有的话Not your housekeeper我不是你管家哦DI Lestrade, in charge of the investigation(雷斯垂德探长负责调查)You're a doctor.你是个医生In fact you're an Army doctor.而且是个军医Yes.是的Any good?干的好吗?Very good.非常出色Seen a lot of injuries, then. Violent deaths.那你一定见过很多伤口惨死的尸体Well, yes.是的Bit of trouble too, I bet?也很难受吧我想?Of course. Yes. Enough for a lifetime, far too much. 当然一辈子的都见过了太多了Want to see some more?想再看多些吗?Oh, God, yes.上帝啊好的Sorry Mrs Hudson, I'll skip the tea. Off out.对不起赫德森太太不喝茶了Both of you?你们都不喝了?Impossible suicides? Four of them?不可能的自杀案件? 四起?No point sitting at home没理由坐在家里了when there's finally something fun going on人生终于有乐趣了Look at you, all happy. It's not decent.死人了你这么开心不像话Who cares about decent?管他像不像话The game, Mrs Hudson, is on游戏开始了赫德森太太Taxi出租车OK, You've got questions...好吧你有问题要问Yeah, where are we going?是的我们去哪里?Crime scene. Next?犯罪现场下个问题?Who are you, what do you do?你是谁你的职业是什么?What do you think?你觉得呢?I'd say... private detective. But?我会猜...私家侦探可是?But the police don't go to private detectives.警察不会去找私家侦探I'm a consulting detective. Only one in the world,我是个"咨询侦探" 世界唯一的I invented the job.这工作是我发明的What does that mean? Means when the police那是什么? 每当警察are out of their depth, which is always,找不到方向他们经常都这样they consult me.他们会咨询我The police don't consult amateurs.警察不会咨询外行的When I met you for the first time yesterday,我昨天遇到你时I said Afghanistan or Iraq. You looked surprised.提到了阿富汗和伊拉克你看起来很惊讶Yes, how DID you know?是的你怎么知道?I didn't know, I saw.我不是知道是观察到的'Your haircut, the way you hold yourself says military. 你的发型举止是军人的风格'But your conversation... ' Bit different from my day. 而你说的话物是人非了.. said trained at Barts -说明在巴兹医学院学习过so Army doctor, obvious.所以很明显是军医'Your face is tanned...你的脸晒的比较黑'but no tan above the wrists.可手腕却没晒黑You've been abroad, but not sunbathing.所以你曾去过国外可并不是日光浴'Your limp's really bad when you walk,你的走路时跛的厉害but you don't ask for a chair when you stand -却宁愿站着不要椅子that you forgot about it完全忘了伤残'so it's at least partly psychosomatic.所以至少有点身心障碍'That says the original circumstances of the injury也说明因为你的伤口were traumatic -'是外伤wounded in action then. Wounded in action,战场上受伤战场上受伤suntan - Afghanistan or Iraq.苏丹阿富汗或者是伊拉克You said I had a therapist.你说我有个治疗师You've got a psychosomatic limp,你有伤残心理障碍of course you've got a therapist.当然会有治疗师Then there's your brother. Your phone.然后是你的哥哥因为电话'It's expensive, e-mail enabled, MP3 player. '它很贵能发邮件听音乐And you're looking for a flatshare.而你穷到要和人合租You wouldn't buy this - it's a gift.所以不是你买的是个礼物'Scratches. Not one, many over time -'划痕不只一条很多很多it's been in the same pocket as keys and coins.一定是和钥匙和硬币放一个口袋You wouldn't treat your one luxury item like this,你不会对自己的奢侈品这样so it's had a previous owner.所以它之前还有主人Next bit's easy. You know it already.下一点就很简单了你应该知道了The engraving?刻的字?Harry Watson.哈利·华生Clearly a family member who's given you his old phone. 明显是你家人送你的电话Not your father, this is a young man's gadget.不是你父亲这东西是年轻人玩的Could be a cousin, but you're a war hero有可能是表兄弟可你是个who can't find a place to live -无家可归的战斗英雄unlikely you've got an extended family,不像是大家族里的人not one you're close to. So brother it is.所以是近亲那就是兄弟了Now, Clara, who's Clara?然后是克拉若?Three kisses says it's a romantic attachment.3个吻代表是浪漫的纪念The expense of the phone says wife, not girlfriend.这个价格应该是老婆送的不是女朋友Must have given it to him recently,应该是最近给的it's only six months old.大概用了6个月Marriage in trouble then - six months on he's given it away. 婚姻出现问题了6个月他就送人了If she'd left HIM, he would have kept it. Sentiment.如果是她甩他也许他会留作纪念No, he wanted rid of it. He left HER.不他想扔掉是他甩她He gave the phone to you, so he wants you to stay in touch. 他把手机给你是希望和你保持联系You're looking for cheap accommodation,你在找便宜的房子but you're not going to your brother for help -却不向你兄弟求助that says you've got problems with him.所以你和他之前有问题Maybe you liked his wife, or don't like his drinking.也许你喜欢他老婆也许讨厌他喝酒How can you possibly know about the drinking?那你怎么知道他喝酒的事?Shot in the dark. Good one, though.胡乱猜的不过挺准Power connection - tiny little scuff marks round it.电源插口周围有一些磨损Every night he plugs it in but his hands are shaking.所以他每晚想插进去充电可手却在发抖You never see those marks on a sober man's phone,这在清醒人的手机上是不会出现的never see a drunk's without them.每个酗酒的人都有There you go, you were right.好吧你也说对了I was right? Right about what?我对了哪里说对了?The police don't consult amateurs.警察不会咨询外行That... was amazing.这...太神奇了Do you think so? Of course it was.你这样觉得? 当然了It was extraordinary, it was quite extraordinary.了不起真的很了不起That's not what people normally say.别人通常不会这么说What do people normally say?别人一般怎么说?Piss off滚开Did I get anything wrong?我有哪里猜错了吗?Harry and me don't get on, never have,哈利和我关系不好从来没好过Clara and Harry split up three months ago卡拉若和哈利三个月之前分手and they're getting a divorce,他们在闹离婚and Harry is a drinker.哈利是酗酒的人Spot on, then. I didn't expect to be right about everything. 那全中没想到所有都猜中了Harry's short for Harriet.哈利是哈莉叶的爱称Harry's your sister.哈利是你的姐妹Look, what exactly am I supposed to be doing here?我到底来这儿做什么?Sister姐妹No - seriously, what am I doing here?老实讲我到底来这里做什么?There's always something.总要出点错Hello, freak I'm here to see Detective Inspector Lestrade. 你好怪胎我找雷斯垂德探长Why?为什么?I was invited.Why? I think he wants me to take a look.为什么? 我想他想让我看看Well, you know what I think, don't you?好吧你知道我想什么吗?Always Sally.当然莎莉I even know you didn't make it home last night. 我知道你昨天连家都没有回I don't... Who's this?我没有...这位是谁?Colleague of mine, Dr Watson.我的同事华生医生Dr Watson, Sergeant Sally Donovan.华生医生莎莉·多诺万警官Old friend.老朋友A colleague? How do YOU get a colleague?同事? 你竟然有同事?Did he follow you home?他会跟踪你到家吗?Would it be better if I just waited...如果我出去等是不是比较好...No.别Freak's here. Bringing him in.怪胎来了我带他进去Ah, Anderson. Here we are again.啊安德森又见面了It's a crime scene. I don't want it contaminated. 这是犯罪现场不许污染它Are we clear on that?明白了吗?Quite clear.非常明白And is your wife away for long?你老婆很久不回家了吗?Oh, don't pretend you worked that out.别装做是你推理出来的Somebody told you that.有人告诉你吧Your deodorant told me that.你的除臭剂告诉我的My deodorant?It's for men.是男士用的Well, of course it's for men - I'm wearing it.当然了我喷的当然是男用的So's Sergeant Donovan.和多诺万警官身上的一样Ooh... I think it just vaporised. May I go in?味道突然消失了我能进吗?Ah, look. Whatever you're trying to imply...听着不管你在暗示什么...I'm not implying anything. I'm sure Sally came round我什么都没说我相信莎莉只是for a nice little chat, and just happened to stay over.来和你聊聊天顺便就过夜了And I assume she scrubbed your floors,我猜她还帮你擦了地going by the state of her knees.从她膝盖看出来的You'll need to wear one of these.你得穿一件这个Who's this?这是谁?He's with me.我的人But who is he? I said he's with me.可他是谁? 我说他是我的人Aren't you going to put one on?你不穿一件吗?So where are we? Upstairs.现场在哪? 楼上I can give you two minutes.我给你两分钟的时间May need longer.也许需要久一点Her name's Jennifer Wilson according to her credit cards, 信用卡上显示她叫詹妮弗·温森we're running them now for contact details.我们在用它寻找确切联系地址Hasn't been here long.尸体在这里并不久Some kids found her.小孩们发现的Shut up.住嘴I didn't say anything.我什么都没说You were thinking. It's annoying. 你在思考干扰了我Left Handed(左撇子)RACHE German revenge (RACHE 德文名词复仇) Rachel(人名: 瑞秋)wet(湿润)dry(干燥)wet(湿润)Clean(干净)clean(干净)clean(干净)dirty(脏)unhappily married 10(婚姻不睦: 10年以上)clean(干净)dirty(一面干净一面脏)regularly removed(经常脱下)serial adulterer(多次通奸)Got anything?发现什么了吗?Not much.不太多She's German.她是德国人Rache. It's German for revenge.RACHE在德文中是复仇的意思She could be trying to tell us something...她是想告诉我们什么Yes, thank you for your input.谢谢您的参与So she's German? Of course she's not.所以她是德国人? 当然不是She's from out of town though.(未来7天天气预报) 她是外地来的Intended to stay in London for one night她准备在回卡迪夫前before returning home to Cardiff. So far, so obvious.在伦敦呆一晚上这很明显Sorry - obvious?抱歉明显?What about the message though?那这个信息是什么?Dr Watson, what do you think?华生医生你认为呢?Of the message?信息?Of the body. You're a medical man.是尸体你是学医的We have a whole team right outside.我们外面有整队人马They won't work with me.他们不为我工作I'm breaking every rule letting YOU in here...我排除万难让你来这里Yes... because you need me.是的...因为你需要我Yes, I do.是的我需要God help me.上帝保佑Dr Watson Hm?华生医生?Oh, do as he says. Help yourself.像他说的那样请自便Anderson, keep everyone out for a couple of minutes... 安德森让大家离开几分钟Well? What am I doing here?好吧? 我来这里做什么?Helping me make a point. I'm supposed to帮我理清头绪我只想be helping you pay the rent. This is more fun.分担你的房租这个有趣多了Fun? There's a woman lying dead.有趣?一个女人躺在这里死掉了Perfectly sound analysis, but I WAS hoping you'd go deeper. 分析很准确不过希望你再深入点Yeah...好吧Asphyxiation, probably. Passed out,可能是窒息死亡晕过去了choked on her own vomit.被自己的呕吐物塞住Can't smell any alcohol on her.身上没有酒味It could have been a seizure. Possibly drugs.应该是突然发作可能是药物You know what it was, you've read the papers.你知道怎么回事你看了报纸Well, she's one of the suicides. The fourth...?她是自杀者之一第4个Sherlock - two minutes, I said, I need anything you got.夏洛克你说两分钟发现了些什么Victim is in her late 30s. Professional person,受害者年近30 专业人士going by her clothes -从她的衣着判断I'm guessing the media,我猜是传媒界的人going by the frankly alarming shade of pink.穿着显眼的粉色Travelled from Cardiff today intending她从卡迪夫而来to stay in London one night from the size of her suitcase.准备呆一晚从箱子大小可以看出Suitcase? Suitcase, Yes.箱子? 箱子是的She's been married at least ten years, but not happily.她结婚至少10年了但并不愉快She's had a string of lovers她有一连串的情人but none of them knew she was married.但没人知道她结婚了Oh, for God's sake, if you're just making this up...看在上帝的份上你是顺口说说的Her wedding ring. Ten years old at least.她的婚戒至少有10年历史了The rest of her jewellery has been regularly cleaned, 她其它的饰品都很干净but not her wedding ring.唯独婚戒不是State of her marriage right there这就是她的婚史The inside is shinier than the outside.里面比外面亮That means its regularyly removed说明经常被摘掉The only polishing it gets is只有在她摘掉时when she works it off her finger.才算被擦拭一次It's not for work, look at her nails.不是为工作看她的指甲She doesn't work with her hands她不用手工作so who does she remove her rings for?那为什么要脱去婚戒?Not one lover, she'd never sustain不只有一个情人她不能the fiction of being single for that long假装单身那么久so more likely a string of them. Brilliant.所以更可能有一长串人厉害Sorry. Cardiff?抱歉卡迪夫?It's obvious, isn't it?很明显不是吗?It's not obvious to me.对我来说不明显Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains, 上帝啊你们小脑瓜里到底装了什么it must be so boring. Her coat -一定很无聊看她的外套it's slightly damp,有一点潮湿she's been in heavy rain the last few hours -一定是在最近几个小时内遭遇了暴雨no rain anywhere in London in that time.伦敦这段时间都没下雨Under her coat collar is damp too.大衣领背面也湿了She's turned it up against the wind.她把它翻起来挡雨She's got an umbrella in her pocket but it's dry and unused. 她口袋里有雨伞可却是干的没用过Not just wind, strong wind - too strong to use her umbrella. 不只有风是强风大到不能打伞We know from her suitcase从她的箱子里that she was intending to stay overnight看出她准备过夜but she can't have travelled more than two or three hours 但是她的旅程没超过两三个小时because her coat still hasn't dried.因为外套还没干So - where has there been heavy rain所以哪里刚刚有暴雨and strong wind within the radius of that travel time?有强风且在两三小时旅程内?Cardiff.卡迪夫Fantastic. Do you know you do that out loud?太棒了你知道你大声说出来了吗?Sorry, I'll shut up. No, it's... fine.抱歉我闭嘴没..关系Why do you keep saying suitcase?为什么你一直说旅行箱?Yes, where is it?是的它在哪儿?She must have had a phone or an organiser.电话里或是记事本上一定有Find out who Rachel is. She was writing Rachel?找找瑞秋这个人她写的是瑞秋?No, she was leaving an angry note in German -不她用德语留了句愤怒遗言of course she was writing Rachel, no other word it can be. 当然她写的是瑞秋不可能是其他词the question is Why did she wait问题是为什么要等到until she was dying to write it?临死时来写?How do you know she had a suitcase?。

Boston LegalHead CasesSeason 1, Episode 1Written by Scott Kaufer & Jeff Rake, and David E. Kelley© 2004 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights ReservedAirdate: October 3, 2004Transcribed by Sheri for [version updated June 17, 2006]Conference Room at Crane Poole & SchmidtAlan Shore: sitting in the chair to Tara Wilson’s left, sliding some papers from that position on the table so they are in front of the chair to her right. Tara. SighBrad Chase: Hey, I’m Brad Chase from D.C.Alan Shore:Alan Shore.Brad Chase: Pleasure. I, ah, think that’s my seat.Alan Shore:Yes. I did see someone’s things here. I moved them to a less desirable location. Opens his newspaper to read. I’m sorry; we’re not territorial about that sort of thing around here, are we?Brad Chase walks over to the other chair to sit down.Denny Crane: Denny Crane. Shakes hands withPeter Stone: Yes, Denny, I know.Denny Crane: Ahh . . .Peter Stone: I run the New York office.Denny Crane: Oh . . .Peter Stone: Peter Stone?Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Chicago partner: I know. I’m . . . um . . . with Chicago.Denny Crane: My kind of town. Always had the best sex of my life in Chicago. What about you?Well, um . . .Denny Crane: Greetings, Tokyo, London.Nigel: Good morning.Tokyo partner: Morning, Denny.Denny Crane:Shaking hands. Brad Chase. There you are, soldier.Brad Chase: Hey.Denny Crane: Oh, everybody remembers Brad Chase, I’m sure. Hell, if I do—Good to see you, man. All right, everybody—lock and load. Item 1: Forget Item 1.Nigel: Well, actually, Denny, item 1 is a rather urgent matter that we must discuss.Denny Crane: Why don’t you brief us?Nigel: Gladly. If we . . . Denny Crane hits the mute button on his remote.Denny Crane: Item 2: Beckerman discovery? What the hell is that?Jerry Austin: Uh, well, opposing counsel was granted their motion to compel, which means we are now required to turn over all correspondence and scientific studies.Denny Crane: Hmm, what about the ones we burned before the judge’s orders?Sam Halpern: We didn’t burn any documents.Denny Crane: Well, sure we did. Do it today. All right, Nigel, keep going, we’re listening. Clicks remoteNigel: Uh, if we don’t . . .Denny Crane:hitting the mute button again Item 3.Sam Halpern: Damn it, Denny. This is not a way to conduct a staff meeting. Where the hell is Edwin?Edwin Poole: Sorry I’m late, good people. He walks around the table to reveal—to everyone—he is wearing no pants.Alan Shore:Is it Casual Monday?Denny Crane: Edwin, everything all right?Edwin Poole: Hunky dory.Quick cut toThe Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtEdwin Poole is strapped onto a gurney in preparation for a ride in an ambulance.Ambulance attendant: It’s all going to be fine, Mr. Poole.Sam Halpern: Unbelievable.Jerry Austin: Not really. Always figured him for a loon.Edwin Poole: Tara. Where’s Tara. I need Tara!Tara Wilson: I’m right here, Edwin.Edwin Poole: Oh, thank you. You have to contact Bill.Tara Wilson: I . . . I will, Edwin. I promise.Edwin Poole: Apologize for my delay. Then call my wife—tell her I’ve had a small breakdown. Not to worry.Tara Wilson: Of course.Edwin Poole: Oh, oh, my goodness. The Brant appeal. I have the Brant appeal!Denny Crane: Relax, Edwin, relax.Edwin Poole: Denny, guess what? I’m due in court with Tara.Denny Crane: We’re on it. Don’t you worry. You just get better.Edwin Poole: Okay.Denny Crane:to Tara Demagnetize his parking pass.Tara Wilson: I beg your pardon?Denny Crane: I know when a man has gone. Do you think you can handle this case? Without a co-pilot?Tara Wilson: Well, I . . .N . . . uh, n . . .Denny Crane: Who’s the judge?Tara Wilson: Resnick.Denny Crane: He’s s schmuck. Alan! Back Tara up. She’s before schmuck Resnick. See if you can get a damn continuance.Further up the HallwayAmbulance attendant: Coming through, please.Paul Lewiston: Brad, you got a few minutes?Brad Chase: Actually, no, I’ve got an early shuttle.Paul Lewiston: Get a later one. I need some face time.Brad Chase: What’s up?Paul Lewiston: Edwin Poole was the only one here able to rein in Denny Crane. Without him . . .Brad Chase: If you are about to go where I think you’re going . . .Paul Lewiston: We need you back in Boston more than in D.C., Brad. Stops Lori Colson, who is walking by Lori, Ernie Dell just came in. He’s upset about something. I sent him to your office.Lori Colson: My office?Paul Lewiston: Yeah. The alternative would be Denny’s office, and nobody here wants that.Beah Toomy: Excuse me. I need a lawyer. This is my daughter. She tried out for the national tour of Annie, and she was the best one. And she was passed over because she was black. It’s discrimination. It’s bigotry. It’s prejudice, and we want justice.[cut to credits]Alan Shore’s OfficeSally Heep: Please tell me that you’ve never seen anything like that before.Alan Shore:Baring your ass to 24 attorneys, including 2 overseas—that is an unprecedented triumph. I’m just distraught I didn’t think of it myself.Sally Heep: You know what I like about you?Alan Shore:No, I do not.Brad Chase: Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. Brad Chase. Look, I’ve been asked to stay, which I’m considering. But I’m concerned that you and I may have gotten off on the wrong foot. I like to be straight up with people, and If there’s and issue or conflict, let’s address it head on, if you don’t mind.Alan Shore:I have trouble talking that fast. I don’t believe in being straight up, but I’m a big fan of your Aqua Velva commercials.Brad Chase: There’s a potential client in the conference room. I’d like you to meet with her. Oh, forgot to mention—I outrank you.Alan Shore:Do you? And I’m such a slut for authority.Sally Heep: All right. You think the two little boys could get off the playground now?Conference Room of Crane Poole & SchmidtBeah Toomy: “Kiss Today.”Sarah Toomy: I don’t wanna sing.Beah Toomy: You need to practice. You want to make Julliard? “Kiss Today.”Sarah Toomy:blows her breath out “Kiss today goodbye . . .”Alan Shore:Oh, my.Beah Toomy: Never mind, “Oh, my.” She sings like a sparrow. Here, look. I’ve got these producer notes, which I was able to get a hold of because of my own personal ingenuity. Says she has the most talent. You can read it for yourself.Alan Shore:I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake. I don’t do musical comedy.Beah Toomy:Annie’s a drama. It’s full of suspense on whether a little girl gets to live with the rich guy. It’s dramatic.Alan Shore’s facial expression says it all, and ends in a big smile.Reception Area of Crane Poole & SchmidtReceptionist hands a messenger an envelope as a very upset Dr. Sharon Brant enters.Receptionist: May I help you?Dr.Sharon Brant: Yes, I need to speak to Edwin Poole immediately.Receptionist: I’m afraid Mr. Poole is has stepped out . . .Dr.Sharon Brant: You don’t understand. This is an urgent matter. Where the hell is Edwin Poole?Sally Heep: Hi, is there anything I can do to help?Dr.Sharon Brant: Yes. My ex-husband is trying to take my children from me.Sally Heep: Okay.Dr.Sharon Brant: And Edwin Poole—he missed my hearing today. And I’ve been calling his cell phone, and—I mean, what the hell is going on around here?!Brad Chase: Excuse me. I’m Brad Chase. We’re going to take care of this for you. Now why don’t you just take a seat in the conference room. I’ll get you a glass of water.Dr.Sharon Brant: All right. Thank you.Sally Heep: Hey.Brad Chase: Yeah.Sally Heep: I was handling it.Brad Chase: I just thought I’d help out.Sally Heep: That’s very nice. But, again, I was handling it.Brad Chase: So, why does it bother you that I’m trying to help?Sally Heep: Well, maybe because you feel I can’t deal with a client on my own.Brad Chase: I don’t feel that way at all.Sally Heep: Well, then I guess I really have no idea what you feel.Brad Chase: I guess not.Sally Heep: And that’s supposed to be my fault?Alan Shore:Wait a minute. You two have had sex!Brad Chase: I’m sorry. We’re not territorial about that sort of thing around here, are we?Lori Colson’s OfficeLori Colson: If you’re not going to tell me—Ernie Dell: I would prefer to tell Denny. Where the hell is he?Lori Colson: Ernie, you and I have done business for a long time. And we’ve always been able to talk to each other. If I’m to help you here—Ernie Dell: My wife is cheating on me. Uh, and . . . she informed me that she has been cheating on me for our entire marriage. It’s been a fraud from Day 1.Lori Colson: Okay. First, you’ve only been married since August. Second, you’ve had five other marriages dissolve each—Ernie Dell: But this—this was the real thing.Lori Colson: What’s the goal? To get her back?Ernie Dell: Uh, I’d like to put a private investigator on her. Get some proof.Lori Colson: If she’s admitted . . .Ernie Dell: The goal being to get some compromising pictures to use as leverage.Lori Colson: In hopes of . . .Ernie Dell:sighs Negotiating an annulment.Alan Shore’s OfficeBeah Toomy: I know it sounds crazy. And I know I’m one of those obnoxious stage mothers. I get that. But Sarah worked hard. I’ve tried to teach her what you earn, people can’t take that away from you. She’s earned this, Mr. Shore.Alan Shore:I have no doubt. But you realize, producers do have discretion. And the art of casting strikes me as a very inexact science.Beah Toomy: If they knew they were gonna go white, why did they let her try out at all? Why’d they let her get her hopes up? I’ll tell you why. So they can pass themselves off as equal opportunity employers. So they can claim to be about diversity. They want it both ways, Mr. Shore. And my daughter got hurt.Sarah Toomy and Alan Shore exchange smiles.Conference Room of Crane Poole & SchmidtDr.Sharon Brant: That was our deal. I would work two jobs, put him through business school, then he would put me through medical school. A week after he graduated, he got a job running a mutual fund, and a week after that, he left me. Our kids were four then. Twins. Simon and Harry. Pulling a picture out of her purse They’re eight now. Handing picture to Sally HeepSally Heep:taking the picture Oh, they’re beautiful.Dr.Sharon Brant: Thanks. In their peewee league uniforms. You know, he’s never seen one of their games. Sally Heep: He pay your way through med school?Dr.Sharon Brant: Take a wild guess. I don’t care, though. I’ve graduated now. Got a residency waiting for me in New York City. But Matthew won’t let me take the boys out of state. Says he wants them close by—these boys he sees once a month. It’s nothing but spite.Brad Chase: Now, look, we’re going to reschedule a hearing. I’m sure everything is going to work out fine. You just have to be patient.Dr.Sharon Brant: If I’m not at Columbia Presbyterian 8:00 am Monday morning, they will give my spot away. That can’t happen. I have worked to hard to build a life for these boys.Denny Crane’s OfficeDenny Crane: We can’t tail the wife.Lori Colson: That’s what he wants, Denny.Denny Crane: Can’t do it. Not ethical. She’s a client, too.Lori Colson: What I would suggest is we send a letter of withdrawal to end-run the conflict. Get an opinion letter of outside counsel . . .Denny Crane: I don’t want to tail the wife.Lori Colson: Denny, I don’t need to tell you that Ernie Dell is one of our biggest clients. If he wants a private investigator, what’s the real harm?Denny Crane: The harm would be to me.Lori Colson: I’m sorry?Denny Crane: I’m the one sleeping with his wife.The File Room at Crane Poole & SchmidtPaul Lewiston: Denny is having an affair with the woman?Lori Colson: I’ve got a senior partner saying, “Don’t tail her.” I’ve got a client wanting snapshots. What do I do, Paul?Paul Lewiston: Convince Ernie that the private investigator idea is a bad one.Lori Colson: Oh, sure.Paul Lewiston: You have enormous persuasive skills, Lori.Lori Colson: You’re handling me.Paul Lewiston: I am. And I need you to handle Ernie. I will handle Denny.The Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtTara Wilson is walking; Lori Colson catches up to her.Lori Colson: Tara?Tara Wilson: Hi.Lori Colson: Don’t be offended by this. I know you’re a great lawyer with exceptional legal skills.Tara Wilson: And?Lori Colson: I need you to flirt with Ernie Dell.Tara Wilson: Excuse me?Lori Colson: The man is a profound skirt chaser.Tara Wilson: What’s wrong with your skirt?Lori Colson:sigh Okay, look. Men sometimes find me attractive. From time to time, they’ll even hit on me. It’s all deeply rewarding. But you—Tara Wilson: What me?Lori Colson: You’re hot. Yeah. Kind of . . . nasty hot. Men would leave their wives for you, and I need to make Ernie forget about his wife so . . .Tara Wilson: If you think that I . . .Lori Colson: Don’t make me pull rank. You can file your sexual harassment claim tomorrow, but today—now—you need to meet with Ernie.Conference Room of Crane Poole & SchmidtAlan Shore:It seems the client can’t pay, so the firm will have to eat the cost of prosecuting this matter. I’m sure the partners won’t object, when they hear that it was a case you assigned to me.Brad Chase: I’ll tell you what. I’ll pay the cost of prosecuting the case.Alan Shore:Mmm.Brad Chase: Of course, if you were a betting man . . . You win, I pay. You lose, you pay. Bit of a gamble, I realize . . .Alan Shore:I’ll pay double.Conference Room of Crane Poole & SchmidtDr.Sharon Brant: You got another hearing?Brad Chase: That’s the good news. The not-so-good news is we probably won’t win it.Sally Heep: But, it at least gives us leverage to get your ex-husband in a room.Dr.Sharon Brant: Woo-woo. What are you talking about?Brad Chase: We want to take a shot at a settlement. Now, if your ex cares anything about these kids, then . . . Dr.Sharon Brant: He doesn’t. This is all about getting me. Have I not been clear about that? He doesn’t even know the kids.Brad Chase: I’ve dealt with bad ex-husbands before.Dr.Sharon Brant: Mr. Chase, no offense, but you have never dealt with this one. Trust me.Courtroom #1Atty. Smith: This is Little Orphan Annie, for God’s sake! If she doesn’t look the part . . .Alan Shore:I didn’t realize we did racial profiling for our comic strips.Atty. Smith: These are private investors. There is no state action involved.Alan Shore:How would the story change if Annie were black?Atty. Smith: Your Honor, are you serious?Judge Rita Sharpley: Counsel, we are talking about adoption here. Daddy Warbucks isn’t the biological father. Exactly how would the story change?Atty. Smith: Little Orphan Annie is an iconic character based . . .Judge Rita Sharpley: I want to see her.Atty. Smith: Excuse me?Judge Rita Sharpley: The girl who got the role. I want to compare.Atty. Smith: Your Honor, is that really fair to the other little girl?Judge Rita Sharpley: Well, counsel, if she can sing eight times a week in front of 3000-plus people a night, she can sing in front of me. Get her in here.Lori Colson’s OfficeErnie Dell: I want the private investigator.Lori Colson:sighs The thing is, Ernie, the photographs will have no legal relevance. They can’t facilitate an annulment.Ernie Dell: I am the customer here, Lori.Lori Colson: Customer isn’t always right.Lori Colson and Tara Wilson exchange conspiratorial looks.Tara Wilson: May I . . . make an observation? I really don’t know you, Mr. Dell, but I suspect there’s a reason why all these younger women want to marry you.Ernie Dell: It’s called money.Tara Wilson: You’re wrong. It’s called power. And you derive a lot of that power not just from being handsome and sexy, but from being dignified. Hiring a private investigator is beneath you. There are many young, beautiful women out there, who would love to jump into your . . . wife’s place. I know this sounds crazy, but . . . you might want to look at this as an opportunity.The Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtThe camera follows an angry Paul Lewiston to an office door, which he opens, enteringDenny Crane’s OfficeDenny Crane: Paul.Paul Lewiston: You and I go back a long way, Denny. Completely mindful of the fact that you helped build this place, the partners here will not allow you to dismantle it with your buffoonery.Denny Crane: What did you say to me?Paul Lewiston: I don’t think you want to hear me say it again. To have an affair with the wife of one of our biggest clients—it disrespects both Ernie Dell and this firm.Denny Crane: We have other clients.Paul Lewiston: Not like Ernie. But your point is well taken. Everybody is fungible.Ernie Dell walks in as Paul Lewiston opens the door to leave.Ernie Dell: Lori Colson won’t tail my wife. I want you to do it.Paul Lewiston: Ernie.Ernie Dell: I’m not talking to you. Get it done, Denny.Ernie Dell and then Paul Lewiston leave the room.The Buddha BarAlan Shore:Denny, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis. I’ve always prided myself on being . . . well, nuts. But in this firm, I find myself falling into the sane category.Denny Crane:laughing You think I’m nuts, do you?Alan Shore:Are you scared?Denny Crane: Scared? What would I be scared of?Alan Shore:Edwin Poole is a friend. To see him just go off the high dive?Denny Crane: Edwin Poole’s problem is he doesn’t like being Edwin Poole. From time to time he’d look in the mirror and ask, “What’s the point?” I never do that. Questions like that’ll kill you.Alan Shore:Questions like, “What’s the point?”Denny Crane: Look--take you for example. Tomorrow, you’re gonna go into court and argue that some little fat black kid should be able to play a little skinny white one. What’s the point? Pause You don’t ask—that’s the point. You gonna win, by the way? The world wants to know.Alan Shore:I’m afraid not. There’s no state action. We’ve asked for a specific performance with no clear evidence of discrimination. I don’t like losing, especially when there’s a wager involved.Denny Crane: Well, don’t, soldier. Pull a rabbit out of your hat. Motions with his index finder for Alan Shore to lean closer. Then, conspiratorially That’s the secret of both trial law and life.Alan Shore:Rabbits?Denny Crane:nods Oh, yeah.Hallway at Crane Poole & SchmidtMatthew Calder gets out of the elevator, and walks to the reception area. Alan Shore and Tara Wilson are talking. Tara Wilson turns around.Matthew Calder: Excuse me, I’m looking for . . . you, actually. All my life. Matthew.Tara Wilson: Tara.Alan Shore:Alan.Mattthew Calder: I had a girl who looked like you looking at Tara Wilson once. Married her. Now she looks like you looks at Alan Shore. Where the hell is my lawyer?Conference Room of Crane Poole & SchmidtDr. Sharon Brant, Matthew Calder, Brad Chase, Sally Heep and Atty. Tompkins are in conference.Sally Heep: If you took summer, plus winter breaks, spring break, holiday weekends—you start to get pretty close to what you have now.Matthew Calder: Pass.Dr.Sharon Brant: That’s too much custody for Super Dad.Brad Chase: Is there any acceptable scenario that would allow for Sharon to enroll in her program without leaving the boys behind?Matthew Calder: We could each take one.Dr.Sharon Brant: Excuse me?Matthew Calder: You know, like that Nazi movie where the woman has to pick which kid to keep.Atty. Tompkins: Sophie’s Choice.Matthew Calder: Thank you.Atty. Tompkins: Uh, huh.Matthew Calder: Only this is Sharon’s choice. One goes with her to New York; I keep the other one. Done.Dr.Sharon Brant: That’s outrageous. The boys love each other. Th—they’re best friends.Matthew Calder: A little weird, don’t you think? Let’s see what happens when we split ‘em up.Dr.Sharon Brant: Stop doing this! You have already scarred your children enough to last a lifetime. Imagine how that feels to a little boy—knowing that their father could care less whether he sees them or not! And yet, if it means denying me something that I want, something that I deserve, something that this family needs . . . suddenly you’re . . . you’re a concerned father! Damn you!Matthew Calder: And what about my needs, huh? What freakish nightmare did I step into that turned my wife who was hot, who had sex with me, who liked to go out with me at night, into some earth-mother world-record setting breast feeder? And no, you want to leave your kids with some non-English-speaking nanny for a hundred hours a week so you can live out your ER fantasy life? Be my guest. But it’s not my problem that you’re not good enough to get hired anywhere in the entire state.Hallway of Crane Poole & SchmidtDenny Crane is walking with Lawyer #1, when Ernie Dell approaches.Ernie Dell: Denny, did you hire that P.I. yet? pause I asked you a question. Truth be told, my relationship with this firm hangs in the balance.Jerry Austin: Uh, Ernie, why don’t we step into my office . . .Ernie Dell: I’m talking to Denny.Denny Crane: All right, Ernie. Truth time. My office.Denny Crane’s OfficeDenny Crane: This is not gonna be easy for you to hear, but it needs to be said. I don’t give a damn who slept with your wife. Neither do you, really. You don’t love her. This is an ego thing. She’s a trophy girl. Something for your friends to admire. Maybe you should be flattered.Ernie Dell: I’m not . . .Denny Crane: I’m talking. Ego, Ernie. You acquire fast cars and young wives to try and stay young yourself in the hope of confusing youth with relevance. Well, here’s a flash for you. We’re all desperate to be relevant. You’re 76 years old! Want to feel you still mean something? Move to Florida, punch a chad, screw up an election. Don’t go looking for affirmation between the two artificial jugs of a woman who married you for—Gee, could it be your outstanding sense of humor?Ernie Dell raises his hand as if to punch Denny Crane.Denny Crane: Take a swing if you want to, if it makes you feel better.Instead, Ernie Dell turns to the door and walks out.Courtroom #2Brad Chase: The guardian ad litem acknowledged in her report in the last year, Mr. Calder took custody of the boys only one weekend a month.Atty. Tompkins: Mr. Calder’s been steeped in a major work crisis at his company.Brad Chase: I don’t care if he’s been dismantling a nuclear weapon. The fact is, he hasn’t been there. There’s no doubt that my client is, in practice, the primary custodian. Now this woman is struggling to make a life for her family . . .Judge Isabel Hernandez: What? She can’t make it in the Commonwealth?Brad Chase: She’d love to, but the offer comes from New York. And my client has made every sacrifice . . . Judge Isabel Hernandez: That’s what parents do, Mr. Chase. You have kids, you make sacrifices. They got married here, they had children here. Mr. Calder: As fathers go, I consider you a disgrace. Ms. Brant: There is a reason for this policy. We don’t like angry spouses yanking kids across state lines. It’s an undue burden on the family unit. Accordingly, your plan to relocate with your sons remains enjoined. Bangs gavel.Dr.Sharon Brant: What now?Brad Chase: I don’t know.Matthew Calder: sarcastically wiping a fake tear from his eye I, uh, I guess that didn’t go too well.Courtroom #1Sarah Toomy: “. . . when I’m stuck with a day that’s gray and lonely; I just stick out my chin and grin and say—tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, you’re always a day away.”Judge Rita Sharpley: Thank you. That was . . .Sarah Toomy:continuing, with Alan Shore mouthing the words along with her “Tomorrow, tomorrow, I’ll love ya tomorrow. You’re always a day away.”Alan Shore claps, grinning as if HE is the stage motherAlan Shore:That was great!Judge Rita Sharpley: Sarah, that was magnificent. But the other little girl was quite good, too. And given the discretion that has to be allowed to producers in these situations . . .Alan Shore:Your Honor, we have something called the Equal Protection Clause, we have something called the 14th Amendment—I believe it’s actually required reading for judges. I could be wrong there.Reverend Al Sharpton (from behind Alan): Could I be heard, your Honor? I heard about this matter. I would like to address this court on what I consider . . .Judge Rita Sharpley: I’m sorry, Reverend, but you have no standing here.Reverend Al Sharpton: I have standing as an American citizen speaking up on a civil rights violation.Judge Rita Sharpley: Reverend Sharpton, I will ask you to step down . . .Reverend Al Sharpton: I have standing as Bobby Kennedy had standing, . . .Judge Rita Sharpley: You have no standing in this meeting.Reverend Al Sharpton: . . . on the steps of the courthouse in Alabama!Judge Rita Sharpley: No one is denying this little girl an education, sir. She just can’t play Annie.Reverend Al Sharpton: You may think this is a small matter. But this is no small matter. This child is being denied the right to play an American icon because she doesn’t match the description. Those descriptions were crafted 50 years ago! We’re supposed to be in a different day!Judge Rita Sharpley: Reverend . . .Reverend Al Sharpton: You talk about racial equality, how we’re making progress. The problem with that progress is it’s always a day away. Tomorrow, tomorrow—you love that!—because it’s always a day away. I’m here to stick out my chin today! Today! Give us an African-American Spider Man! Give us a black that can run faster than a speeding bullet and leap over tall buildings in a single bound! Not tomorrow—today! Today! The sun needs to come out today! Not tomorrow, your Honor! God Almighty! Give the American people a black Orphan Annie. It’s just not good enough to say she doesn’t look the part.Applause from the spectators’ galleryReverend Al Sharpton:to Alan Shore That’s what you call a rabbit, son. Denny Crane.Reverend Al Sharpton exits the courtroom to the tune of “Tomorrow”Hallway at Crane Poole & SchmidtSally Heep: What if we file a T.R.O. in federal court on behalf of the kids?Brad Chase: On what grounds?Sally Heep: I don’t know. They’ve been denied a right to interstate travel.Brad Chase: It’s dubious, but I like your thinking.Sally Heep: Come here for a second. pulling Brad Chase into the law library Look . . . I just . . . I just need to know.Brad Chase: Sally.Sally Heep is not getting an answer from him, becomes uncomfortable, and walks out, passing Alan Shore, who is entering from another doorway.Alan Shore: Brad.Brad Chase: Alan.The Buddha BarSally Heep: The deadbeat doesn’t even see his kids, doesn’t know them, and he’s using them as weapons to destroy his ex-wife and them.Alan Shore:And that’s why you were so upset? The case?Sally Heep: It’s a little hard, okay? I . . . I prefer him in D.C.Alan Shore:Mm, hm. Do you think I should start working out with weights? Maybe do some calisthenics?Sally Heep: I’m trying to, like, express my . . .Alan Shore:You still like him?Sally Heep: Well, what context are you asking as, Alan? I mean, are you asking as like a boyfriend, or . . .Alan Shore:I’m not allowed to ask questions?Sally Heep: Am I? About Tara?Alan Shore:What about Tara?Sally Heep:sigh Nothing. Anyway, he left. I got very depressed, drank a lot, hit on too many boys. sigh Until I met this one boy . . . man . . . distinguished.Alan Shore laughsSally Heep: And now I just . . . Okay. How small is the town of Boston?Alan Shore:What?Sally: The dirtbag is right over there.Alan Shore:Bradley? He turns around to look in Matthew Calder’s directionSally Heep: The ex-husband.Matthew Calder is flirting with beautiful women at the bar across the room.Sally Heep:sigh Really trying to strengthen that family unit.Alan Shore reaches for her personal electronic organizer.Sally Heep: What are you doing?Alan Shore: chuckling. I just need to use your thingie for a second.Sally Heep: Can we get outta here: I don’t—I don’t wanna look at that pig.Alan Shore:Okay.Sally Heep heads for the door.Alan Shore: drops some money on their table, types on the organizer a bit. We’re off. He follows Sally Heep out.Denny Crane’s BalconyDenny Crane: I told him we’re all desperate to be relevant.Lori Colson: Were you able to dissuade him?Denny Crane: I think so.Lori Colson: Denny, do you think you were talking about yourself a little? You feeling a little desperate to be relevant lately?Denny Crane: Don’t waste your time trying to get in my head. There’s nothing there.Lori Colson: They’re not going to take the firm from you. First, Paul Lewiston could never get the votes. Second, he wouldn’t want to. The man loves you.Denny Crane: I’m not worried, Lori. Do I look worried? Yeah. Look out there. My domain. My city. I’m Denny Crane.Matthew Calder’s OfficeAlan Shore has gotten past Matthew Calder’s secretary, and is looking for Matthew Calder, who is in a meeting.Secretary: Sir, if I could just get your name. I would be happy to buzz Mr. Calder.Alan Shore:You’re very kind, but look, I’m already here.Secretary: There’s a meeting in progress, though, and I’ve been instructed not to disturb him.Alan Shore: opening the door to a meeting room and walking in, interrupting Matthew Calder and associates. Hello, Matthew. Shame. Quite hoping I’d interrupt something tawdry. I’m Alan Shore. Your。

Boston LegalLegal DeficitsSeason 2, Episode 10Written by David E. Kelley2005 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: December 13, 2005Transcribed by ImamessMelissa Hughes is standing behind bars. In the jail cell with her are about half a dozen other people. Melissa looks forlorn as the others with her are laughing and giggling. Alan Shore comes in and peruses the cell.Alan Shore:To an officer standing next to him. I’ll take the blonde. He walks up to Melissa. Melissa. What are we doing in jail?Melissa Hughes: They’re saying I tried to rob a bank. I didn’t. I just smashed a window.Alan Shore: Ah!Liz: And they say I’m a prostitute. Ha. Which is ridiculous.Melissa Hughes: Back off, Ho.Liz: What did you say? Come on.Alan Shore: Liz?Liz: Alan? Alan laughs heartily. Oh my God! You just dropped off the side of the earthAlan Shore: I was in a relationship. But now I’m not. You still at 1 800- LIZZIE?Melissa Hughes: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Hey! Remember me? I’m in trouble here. They arrested me?At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Brad Chase is being handcuffed.Brad Chase: You’re arresting me?Detective Perry Vale: Please put your hands behind your back, sir.Brad Chase: You gotta be kidding.Detective Perry Vale: You have the right to remain silent.Brad Chase: I know my rights.Denny Crane: He comes up. What’s going on?Brad Chase: They’re arresting me for assaulting the priest.Detective Perry Vale: And kidnapping and false imprisonment. Now you have the right to an attorney…Denny Crane: Son. Son. This is the United States of America. We don’t really believe in Miranda anymore.Detective Perry Vale: Let’s go.Denny Crane: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Ah, Denny Crane. I’ll handle this internally.Detective Perry Vale: Sir? This man’s being charged with three felonies.Denny Crane: Understood, but… Denny Crane.Detective Perry Vale: Come on.Denny Crane: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on! With all that’s going on in the world today, who among us hasn’t at least once wanted to take an axe to a priest?Detective Perry Vale: Come on.The detective leads Brad away.Paul Lewiston:He comes up. They’re arresting him?Denny Crane: And I gave it my best shot.Alan holds the door as Melissa comes into his office.Alan Shore: So. They’re not pressing charges.Melissa Hughes: They’re not pressing charges?Alan Shore: If you make restitution for the window, they’ve agreed not pursue an…Melissa Hughes: No.Alan Shore: I’m sorry. Did you say, “No?”Melissa Hughes: I’m not paying for their stupid window. Forget it.Alan motions for her to sit down.Alan Shore: Melissa you smashed it.Melissa Hughes: After what they’ve done to me!Alan Shore: Perhaps you should tell me exactly what they’ve done to you.Melissa Hughes:She sighs. My credit card bills. You’re aware I have some ah, fiscal issues? Alan Shore: It’s come up.Melissa Hughes: So a few months ago, I owe one amount. The next month it, it like triples. So I stop buying stuff and the next month, bam, it’s even higher. So I call the eight hundred number. Not Lizzie. And who answers? But Ms Jones! Yes. From New Delhi. India. Not bright and not Melrose India. I mean, surprised she’s not terribly helpful. Right?Alan Shore: So far I’m on her side.Melissa Hughes: And I talked to her supervisor who says that I owe this money, plus more. This doesn’t make any sense! I need to talk to someone in America. Hello? So all I can get is an address for Prominence’s main office in Wilmington, Delaware. Like I can afford to go there. So I call them, I get a local office, I go there and it’s basically just a store front.Alan Shore: With a big window.Melissa Hughes:She sighs. I’m not paying for it.Alan Shore: You are paying for it. And I wanna see those credit card bills.Melissa Hughes: What? Suddenly you’re my father now? Alan doesn’t answer. Yes, sir.In Judge Clark Brown’s courtroom.Clerk: Three-two-one-one-one-three. Commonwealth versus Bradley Chase. Assault with a deadly weapon…Denny Crane: Waive reading Judge. And ask that these ridiculous charges be dismissed on the grounds of ridiculousness.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: These charges are anything but ridiculous, Your Honor. The defendant abducted one innocent man, threatened him with torture. Then assaulted clergy with a deadly weapon!Denny Crane: Pick, pick, pick, pick, pick.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: You think this is funny?Denny Crane: Your Honor. My client saved the innocent life of a little kidnapped child who was innocent and utterly… kidnapped.Judge Clark Brown: I watch the news like everyone else, Mr Crane. And your client’s conduct was shocking.Brad Chase: Your Honor. I’d like to move for an immediate trial.Judge Clark Brown: Hold on!Brad Chase: The facts are not in dispute. The District Attorney clearly wants his fifteen minutes. Why should we make him wait?A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: If you think this is about me grabbing a spotlight.Brad Chase: It’s always about that with you, Frank. You’ve been running for office since you got out of law schoolJudge Clark Brown: Hold on! You two will refrain from personal exchanges.Brad Chase: But it is personal Your Honor. We have a history and the opportunity for him to saddle me up as a cause.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: You attacked a man! Cutting off his fingers! As someone who took an oath to uphold the law, yes, I take that personally.Brad Chase: It’s a sound bite, Frank. Might wanna save it for the cameras. Which they’ll be asking you to allow in court. My consent.Judge Clark Brown: Hey! I will make the rules in this courtroom. Are you ready to proceed to trial?A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Assuming he’s not alleging any diminished capacity.Brad Chase: I will plead, “Not guilty” on the grounds of necessity.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Necessity?Brad Chase: Yes. You probably skipped over it in law school. Necessity. Look it up. Hack.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: The Commonwealth is ready to proceed.Judge Clark Brown: I must caution you both. These are serious criminal charges here. I’m not sure you should want to rush to judgment.Denny Crane: Judge. You’re old. I’m old. Lock and load. Before we’re dead.Shirley Schmidt, Brad, Denise Bauer, Paul Lewiston, and Denny are in the conference room at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Shirley Schmidt: Why in God’s name did you press for an immediate trial?Brad Chase: Because I want to trade on the currency of being a hero. I’ve been featured all over the news and the jury pool is watching.Shirley Schmidt: Even so, a conviction here means prison.Brad Chase: I won’t be convicted.Shirley Schmidt: How can you be sure of that? Especially since you’re guilty?Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Brad Chase: Look. I know this Assistant D.A. He wants to be the D.A. He’s using this as a publicity…Shirley Schmidt: He’s also good. I’ve seen him try cases.Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Shirley Schmidt:To Denny. That is not a legal defense. She sighs and looks at Brad and Denise. Are we happy? Did I not warn both of you?Denise Bauer: You know what Shirley? Don’t start. I changed that little boy’s diaper. I will do anything to get him back.Shirley Schmidt: Clearly.Denise Bauer: Including going to jail!Shirley Schmidt: Which it come to for Brad.Paul Lewiston: All right. We’re all on the same side here.Denise Bauer: Really? I’m not so sure.Shirley Schmidt: Denise. If I were against you, I’d leave no doubt. Softly to Brad. You’re really planning to have Denny handle your defense?Brad Chase: Well…Shirley Schmidt: Denny? Given the exposure of this case, not only to Brad but the firm, how about you and I team up on this?Denny Crane: I’d love it. I’ll pitch.Shirley Schmidt: I’ll call balls and strikes. We’ll all need to sign waivers and Denise I’m gonna need to call you as a witness, but before you say yes you need consider the liability.Denise Bauer: Yes.Shirley Schmidt: Not so fast. They could charge you with conspiracy, or aiding and abetting…Denise Bauer: I said, “Yes.” I’ll testify.Alan and Melissa are in Alan’s office sitting across a desk strewn with credit card invoices.Alan Shore: Melissa you’re fifty thousand dollars in debt.Melissa Hughes: I know.Alan Shore: How did this happen?Melissa Hughes: I don’t know. I swear. It’s these people. They’ve ruined me.Denny Crane:He comes in. Going to trial. I’m swelling up just thinking about it. Trials make me swell with adrenalin. Do I look swollen?Alan Shore: Somewhat. Denny, we’re a little busy here.Denny Crane: What are you doing? Taxes? Don’t you have an accountant?Alan Shore: I’m helping Melissa who seems to have fallen into a black hole of debt.Melissa Hughes: Very black.Denny Crane: What is this sudden concern of yours for people without money? I need to know.Alan Shore: You need to look at the big picture. If people don’t have it, they might wanna steal ours.Denny Crane: Right.Alan Shore: Do we have anybody in corporate who understands this credit card world? Somebody…Denny Crane: Hands.Alan Shore: Sorry?Denny Crane: Hands Espenson. Banking and finance genius. Only don’t call him Hands.Alan Shore: Why would I? Why do you?Alan, Melissa and Jerry Espenson are in Alan’s office. Alan and Melissa are sitting on a couch while Hands is pacing the floor with his hands on the front of his thighs.Jerry Espenson: The contract was deliberately written to confuse you. Bait and switch. Bingo! Promise one thing, say, zero percent interest. Then they up it to thirty percent. Bingo!Melissa Hughes: But, isn’t that illegal?Jerry Espenson: Used to be. Used to have usury laws but the States wanted the credit card business, so poof! Gone! Bingo! Ever inquire about a car loan?Melissa Hughes: Actually, yes. Once.Melissa Hughes: Bingo!Melissa Hughes: But I didn’t buy the car.Jerry Espenson: Doesn’t matter. It’s called ‘Universal Default’. Credit bureaus share your information. All of it. Your credit card company just heard about your asking for a car loan. Bingo! They raise your rates. Why? Because they can.Melissa Hughes:Under her breath to Alan. Why doesn’t he move his hands?Jerry Espenson: The OCC is supposed to police. They don’t. Bought off by the credit card lobbyists. He walks out.Melissa Hughes: Is he coming back?Alan Shore: I have no idea.Shirley, Brad, Denny and Denise are in a lounge at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Shirley Schmidt: What’s your history with this D.A.?Brad Chase: We went to law school together. I beat his ass in moot court. I licked him several times in criminal cases since. Let’s just say that we’re rivals.Shirley Schmidt: Denise, I’ll take your testimony. Denny, can you take Brad’s?Denny Crane: You licked a man’s ass?Shirley Schmidt: Denny, if you can’t focus here I’m not going to let you play. This trial is a threat to Brad’s freedom. It is potentially an enormous blight on this firm. We need to win this trialDenise Bauer: I’m sorry. But, tell me again why it is that we’re rushing this so?Brad Chase: It’s a rush job Ginsberg plans to run for District Attorney in the primaries in March. He’s using this as a showcase to…Denise Bauer: That explains his urgency. What about ours?Shirley Schmidt: At the moment Brad’s a celebrity. His hero status can only run to our favor. But it is a risk. It’s not too late to take a deep breath and say let’s do this later.Brad Chase: Let’s do it now.Shirley Schmidt: You’re sure?Denny Crane: I have an erection. It’s a good sign. Let the trial begin. I’m ready.Denny, Shirley, Brad and Denise are walking through a mob of reporters and photographers.Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Shirley Schmidt: Excuse us.Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Shirley Schmidt: Excuse us, please.Denny Crane: ???Shirley Schmidt: We have no comment.Denny Crane: Comes out in pretty colors. Pastels. Denny Crane. Denny Crane.In Judge Clark Brown’s courtroom Father Michael Ryan is in the witness chair.Father Michael Ryan: … and suddenly he’s swinging the axe. I, I put my hand out and he chopped it. He cut three of my fingers right off, the, they just fell to the floor.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: And then what happened, sir?Father Michael Ryan: Well I was rushed to the hospital. Two of my fingers were recovered and reattached, and then his colleague, that woman, came in brandishing my third finger. She wouldn’t give it back unless I revealed privileged information about one of my parishioners. He cut it off, and she extorted me with it.Shirley Schmidt: My first question would be, if someone is swinging an axe, why stick your hand out?Father Michael Ryan: I didn’t think he’d actually try it.Shirley Schmidt: And to be clear when you speak of your parishioner you refer to the man charged with kidnapping the child?Father Michael Ryan: Well, yes.Shirley Schmidt: And also to be clear, you knew your parishioner was a pedophile?Father Michael Ryan: I am not going to reveal privileged information to you, just like I wouldn’t to him.Shirley Schmidt: But you did reveal information to Ms Bauer? You told her where your parishione’s hide-away was. You’ll reveal privileged information to get your fingers back but not to save the life of a child.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection.Judge Clark Brown: Sustained.Shirley Schmidt: As a policy, if a pedophile killer confesses his crime you’ll protect that secret? Father Michael Ryan: I cannot break the confessional seal. It’s canon law.Shirley Schmidt: Is that stupid?A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection. The Judge lifts his hand.Shirley Schmidt: I’m sorry, but the laws in this country to protect again child-abuse supersede doctor-patient privilege, lawyer-client privilege, but not priest-parishioner privilege? Has the Catholic Church earned some special exemption when it comes to pedophiles?A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection! The Judge lifts his hand.Shirley Schmidt: Do we trust them more in this area?Father Michael Ryan: That’s a cheap shot.Shirley Schmidt: I’ve been known to take them. Tell us about the Papal Blessings.Father Michael Ryan: Well. On that matter I, I was, uh… I was wayward. I apologize.Shirley Schmidt: The Vatican issues Papal Blessings at about thirty dollars a pop. You decided to print them yourself (The Father nods his head.) and sell them directly, bypassing the middleman, who in this case, happens to be the Pope.Father Michael Ryan: Yes. As, as I said, I was wayward there.Shirley Schmidt: I’m just having a hard time reconciling; you’ll steal from the Pope, but cloak yourself in canon law when it comes to protecting a pedophile. Do you support pedophilia?A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection!Shirley Schmidt: Do I dare ask where those three fingers had been prior to my client’s chopping them off?A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection!Judge Clark Brown: Ms Schmidt. You are way out of line.Shirley Schmidt: I’m sorry, Judge. I have known many many wonderful priests in my lifetime. I am not adding Father Ryan to that list. Nothing further. She waves her fingers at the Father, then goes to sit down.Alan, Melissa and Jerry are in Alan’s office.Alan Shore: Wait a second. So, the deadbeats are the ones who pay off their debt?Jerry Espenson: Bingo! Within the credit card industry they’re called deadbeats because they don’t make any money off of them. The ones who don’t pay off, they’re the preferred customers because they’re the ones they make money off of. They target people they know won’t be able to pay. People like Melissa.Alan Shore: Bingo!Jerry Espenson: You making fun of me?Alan Shore: No! Sir.Jerry Espenson: You said what I say. That’s making fun.Alan Shore: No! It’s just… I used to have a dog you see, and Bingo was his name oh. B. I... Never mind.Melissa Hughes: She comes in. How we doing?Alan Shore: We’re suing them.Melissa Hughes: Who?Alan Shore: The company who gave you the credit card. Prominence Bank.Melissa Hughes: We, we’re suing them?Jerry Espenson: Too big. Too big.Alan Shore: The bigger they are, Jerry. We’re suing them.Melissa Hughes: Hm.Shirley, Denny Brad and Denise are in the conference room at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Denise Bauer: What do you mean I’m not testifying?Shirley Schmidt: The problem is, if Brad testifies and you testify that gives the prosecution two more opportunities to play out this horrific chain of events. There’s nothing you can say that Brad can’t say.Denise Bauer: I can support what he says.Shirley Schmidt: True. But since you’re the one that twiddled the severed finger using it for blackmail purposes, there’s the outside chance you’ll come off as less than adorable.Denise Bauer: Shirley…Shirley Schmidt: Denise, the D.A. will have a field day. To Brad. You ready?Brad Chase: I am.Shirley Schmidt: More importantly. She walks over to Denny. Are you ready?Denny Crane: Lock and… He seems at loss for words.Shirley Schmidt: Denny, maybe I should take this.Denny Crane: Shirley, if the jury doesn’t get to see me in action they’ll feel cheated. They’ll think we cheated them.Shirley Schmidt: Walk them through what happened, giving Brad a chance to explain why he did what he did and…Denny Crane: I know how to question a witness, Shirley.Shirley Schmidt: Denny, our whole case is his testimony.Denny Crane: Who’s? Shirley hangs her head. Brad looks at Denise. Kidding. I’m ready. Shirley Schmidt: Just for fun, show me how you plan to start off.Denny Crane:He sighs. Brad, what occasioned you to even get involved, pretending to be an FBI officer? His response will occasion the jury to feel and experience the horror of a child being kidnapped. Like it was their child.Shirley Schmidt: Good.Denny Crane: There.Shirley Schmidt:To Brad. You must show contrition. You must be apologetic. You did what you did to get the child back, but you feel compassion and sympathy for everybody you victimized.Brad Chase: Got it.Shirley Schmidt:To Denny. Do not make yourself the story. She looks to Brad. The jury needs to be focused on him.Denny Crane: Did you just say don’t make me the story?Alan, Melissa and Jerry are in Alan’s office.Melissa Hughes: He’s coming here? Tomorrow?Alan Shore: Claiming he wants to work things out.Jerry Espenson: Can’t meet. Can’t meet.Alan Shore: What do you mean you can’t meet?Jerry Espenson: I don’t do meetings! I’m background.Alan Shore: You’ve got all the expertise, Jerry, and I need you to be around.Jerry Espenson: I’ll give you a memo.Alan Shore: Just a whisper in my ear. You won’t even have to talk out loud. And I’ll do all the gesturing. Jerry turns around from his pacing and gives Alan a look. I’m sorry. That was an extremely poor joke and I apologize.Melissa Hughes: Is he like the president of the company? Or…Alan Shore: He’s their general counsel, actually. Happens to be in Boston. Jerry, I’m sorry. I need you.Jerry Espenson:He nods his head. I’ll be present. I’ll give feedback on my computer. You can read it off the screen.Alan Shore: Deal!Brad is sitting in the dark in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Denise comes in. Denise Bauer:She comes in. I am so sorry. I’m the one who led you into all this.Brad Chase: You have nothing to apologize for, Denise. I made my own decision.Denise Bauer: But a week ago you were up for partner, and now you’re up on trial.Brad Chase: Denise. The little boy is alive.Denise Bauer: Unfortunately that’s not the issue.Brad Chase: Well, it is for me.Denise Bauer: Are you always like this?Brad Chase: Like what?Denise Bauer: Brad. You could be looking at jail. It’s okay to show a little fear.Brad Chase: Okay. Thanks.Denise Bauer: Okay. Thanks. That’s it?Brad Chase: Denise, what do you want me to do? Cry? We got the kid back. If I had to do it all over again. I would do it again. I’ll live with the consequences.Denise Bauer: Okay. So I’ll see you in court?Brad Chase: Yep.Alan, Melissa and Jerry are in the conference room at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Melissa Hughes: How’s my hair? Does my hair work?Alan Shore: It does appear to grow each month.Melissa Hughes: It’s my first settlement conference. There is a lot of power in a woman’s hair. Alan Shore: Yes there is. I think we’ll let my slightly less powerful hair run the meeting. Attorney Melvin Palmer: He comes in. Good morning! Melvin Palmer. How are you?Alan and Melvin shake hands.Alan Shore: I’m grand, but I go by Alan Shore.Attorney Melvin Palmer: Ha. A pleasure.Alan Shore: This is Melissa Hughes.Melissa Hughes: I’m a would be your plaintiff.Melissa and Melvin shake hands.Attorney Melvin Palmer: And real honor to meet you, Melissa.Melvin walks over to Jerry and holds out his hand. Jerry stands up but doesn’t offer his hand.Alan Shore: Jerry Espenson. He doesn’t shake.Attorney Melvin Palmer: Excellent! Well then! Shall we get started?Alan Shore: You’re not gonna be cheerful about all this are you?Attorney Melvin Palmer: You know, I’ve been told to keep my exuberance down until people have had their morning coffee. Ha. Let me tell you a little about me.Alan Shore: Oh dear.Attorney Melvin Palmer: I am a problem solver. It’s what I love to do. Now I consider it a personal failure when one of my cases ends up in court. I also feel I haven’t succeeded when people walk away from one of my tables unhappy.Alan Shore: It’s actually our table.Attorney Melvin Palmer: What I do in matters like this? I set aside my whole day. Okay? Cause the goal is finding a solution. He opens his cuffs and rolls up his sleeves. One that works for you. And one that works for us. That’s just the way I work. So. This doesn’t have to be an acrimonious experience.Alan Shore: Wonderful. Why don’t we begin then by you giving her back all her money? Attorney Melvin Palmer: Well! Ha! Well! Ha! I don’t know if we can do that. But I do think we can make this pretty young woman happy. Okay then. We have this saying in Texas, ‘Time to let the horses out of the barn.’Alan shakes his head slightly and neighs softly.In Judge Clark Brown’s courtroom.Clerk: You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God? Brad Chase: I do.The clerk leaves and Brad sits down I the witness chair.Shirley Schmidt:In stage whisper to Denny who seems to be sleeping. Denny!Denny Crane:He gets up. First off, if it had been my child who had been kidnapped? There are no words that could express my gratitude. I’m sure we all agree.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection.Judge Clark Brown: Mr Crane. Do not address the jury.Denny Crane: Oh. Sorry. Brad. First question.Brad Chase: I got involved because my colleague Denise Bauer came to me distraught that her housekeeper’s child had been kidnapped and frustrated the police and FBI were making no progress.Denny Crane: Second question.Brad Chase: I went to a friend of mine Kevin Drummond at the FBI and asked him for help. Denny Crane: Third question.Brad Chase: He told me that while the FBI was limited by State action that private citizens had sometimes successfully taken things into their own hands.Denny Crane: Fourth question.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection. He’s not asking any questions.Denny Crane: I told him last night the questions I was gonna ask him. Judge I’m just trying to speed things up for the jury who I know are already annoyed at even being here for this ridiculous prosecution.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection.Judge Clark Brown: Mr Crane.Denny Crane: Call me Denny, Judge. Denny Crane.Judge Clark Brown: You will ask the question in their entirety so that we may understand what the witness is answering. Outrageous!Denny Crane: You kidnapped an innocent man?Brad Chase: Now the brother wasn’t so innocent. He’d provided safe harbor for the suspect, and he had information.Denny Crane: So that’s when you used violence?Brad Chase: Threatened violence.Denny Crane: Only threatened?Brad Chase: Only threatened.Denny Crane: Didn’t use it?Brad Chase: Did not.Denny Crane: What a fiend.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: He’s making light of a kidnapping, false imprisonment…Brad Chase: Objection!Judge Clark Brown: You’re a witness.Shirley Schmidt: Objection!Denise Bauer: Objection!Denny Crane: Objection!Judge Clark Brown: Stop it!!Brad Chase: None of us is making light of this, Judge. We’re just trying to put some perspective on things.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: There is no question before the witness.Judge Clark Brown: Sustained.Denny Crane: What can you tell us about perspective?A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection.Denny Crane: That’s a question!Judge Clark Brown: Sustained.Denny Crane: The brother told you about the priest?Brad Chase: Yes.Denny Crane: And that’s when you went to the church and cut off his fingers?Brad Chase: I swung an axe at his imported door knowing it cost a lot of money.Denny Crane: How much?Brad Chase: Nine thousand.Denny Crane: Dollars?Brad Chase: Dollars.Denny Crane: For a door?Brad Chase: He somehow could afford it.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection.Denny Crane: Bitch, bitch.Judge Clark Brown: Mr Crane!Denny Crane: Call me Denny, Judge.Judge Clark Brown: No! I will not call you Denny!Denny Crane: So you swung at the door?Brad Chase: I only wanted to make him think that I was about to destroy the door and he stuck his hand out right at the last second. I never meant to make contact. It was an accident. Denny Crane: You didn’t mean to hit his hand?Brad Chase: No. And I regret that I did. To the extent that it led to the safe recovery of Tito Perez, I’m glad about that. But I never meant to cause any physical injury to Father Ryan. And again, I apologize.Denny turns toward the jury, mouths his name, then goes to sit down.Shirley, Denny, Brad and Denise make their way through a mob of reporters and photographers.Denny Crane: Denny Crane. Fair and balanced. The nut job Fair and balanced. Denny Crane. They walk into an elevator. Shirley pushes the stop button.Shirley Schmidt: That was you not becoming the story?Denny Crane: I was practically invisible.Shirley Schmidt: What the hell was that about?Denny Crane: The prosecutor wants to horrify the jury. We were diluting… the horro… scope. Shirley Schmidt: To my money you trivialized it. You may have just alienated the jury.Denny Crane: People like a happy ending. The child came home safe. We play the happy ending.Shirley Schmidt: It’s not that simple, Denny.Denny Crane: Yes it is, Shirley. We’re talking juries. It always comes down to simple. And, I mean, there’s nobody simpler than me.Paul and Shirley are in Paul’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Paul Lewiston: Please tell me you’re making this up.Shirley Schmidt: I am not. He said, “Question one. Question two. Question three.” And so fort. Almost as if he were deliberately mocking the whole proceeding. And we could very well lose, Paul.Paul Lewiston: Is he out of his mind?Shirley Schmidt: Well, he’s always out of it. Clearly it’s where he’s most comfortable.Denny Crane:He comes in. What are you doing in my office?Paul Lewiston: This is my office, Denny.Denny Crane: Oh. That must mean I’ve come to see you. Why?Paul Lewiston: I don’t know.Denny Crane: It could be to say we were right to mock the proceedings. A child was saved. That’s what you say in your closing.Shirley Schmidt: It isn’t.Denny Crane: Yes it is. That’s the button for your closing: It’s that simple. He starts to leave. It’s not polite to talk about crazy people behind their backs.Alan, Melissa, Jerry and Melvin are in the conference room at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Melissa Hughes: I accept that I have debt and that I should pay it. But to suddenly up it from ten to fifty thousand? I…Attorney Melvin Palmer: Melissa. You know in the short time that we’ve spent together I can appreciate that you are an honorable person.Jerry Espenson:Typing on his computer. That’s a FOUR HUNDRED PERCENT increase. Alan reads it off the screen.Attorney Melvin Palmer: And one that lives up to her obligation. Am I right about that?Melissa Hughes: Yes.Attorney Melvin Palmer: Well, you did apply for the Prominence bank card and entered into a contract accepting its terms. I’m right about that too, aren’t I?Jerry Espenson: Typing on his computer. Argue NO MEETING OF THE MINDS. The contract should be voided because they deceived Melissa. Alan reads it off the screen. Attorney Melvin Palmer: And you then went out and made voluntary purchases pursuant to the terms of that contract.Melissa Hughes: These sound like trial questions.Attorney Melvin Palmer: Oh. I assure you they are not. No. See. Here’s the thing about me I like to take the adversary out of adversary system. Okay? I’m just trying to get the full picture here so that I can better understand where you’re comin’ from. And so you can better understand me.Alan Shore: You seem swell.In Judge Clark Brown’s courtroom A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg is giving his closing argument.。

Boston LegalAn Eye For An EyeSeason 1, Episode 5Written by Jeff Rake & David E. Kelley© 2004 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: Oct 31, 2004Transcribed by SueB for It’s Halloween in night court, which is filled with people in various costumes awaiting appearances in front of the judge.Beat Cop: Suspects were first observed at approximately 10:30 pm across the street from the station house. Robin and Catwoman stood guard as Batman soaped an unoccupied police vehicle.Alan Shore (as Batman): S.U.V. Your Honor. An egregious gas guzzler, and filthy, by the way.Night Court Judge: Continue, Officer.Beat Cop: Officer Brody and I approached. An altercation ensued.Tara Wilson (as Robin): We thought they were hooligans dressed in costume.Alan Shore: As the Village People perhaps.Tara Wilson: Hmm.Beat Cop: Suspects then attempted to evade apprehension by discharging one or more eggs in our direction. Charges are vandalism, resisting arrest and pandering.Alan Shore: Pandering? Our only tricks were in conjunction with our treating. And I do not look like a pimp.Beat Cop: You look like an idiot. The cat’s a known prostitute, your honor.Hooker (as Catwoman): I object to that!Night Court Judge: All right. Masks off now. (the three comply). I know you. Alan Shore.Alan Shore: Good to see you, Judge. My colleague, Tara Wilson.Tara Wilson: Hello.Night Court Judge: Would you care to explain to me why two attorneys are out cavorting with a prostitute?Tara Wilson: We needed somebody to be Catwoman.Alan Shore: Someone with a whip.Night Court Judge: Mr. Shore, while you are a gifted attorney, you bring embarrassment and shame to the legal community.Alan Shore. You’re very kind, sir.Night Court Judge: Case dismissed.Morning staff meeting in a conference room at Crane, Poole & Schmidt.Paul Lewiston: What’s this with the Markham settlement?Brad Chase: He refuses to sign. He keeps redlining us on language. We think that he’s postponing until after the new year for tax reasons. I’ll keep pushing him as best I can. On a personal aside, I’d like to remind everyone to vote. It’s our civic duty. Whatever our politics, at the end of the day, we’re Americans. We bleed red, white and blue.Paul Lewiston: Morgan versus Rayburn.Alan Shore: Still in trial. Client survived his testimony barely. Tara and I are pushing a settlement. And on a personal aside, I’m bored.Paul Lewiston: I beg your pardon.Alan Shore: You people keep assigning me these boring cases. At my old firm, I got murderers. I had clients who would touch themselves in public restrooms. These were people you could root for, not to mention relate to. Paul Lewiston: Is there some other place you’d rather be, Mr. Shore?Alan Shore: Yes, I want to be on cable. That’s where all the best work is being done.A paralegal enters and whispers a message to Paul.Paul Lewiston: Who’s doing the Holcomb case?Tara Wilson: Uh, that’s Edwin Poole.Paul Lewiston (to Lori Colson): Aren’t you -Lori Colson: I just handled the decert motion. I didn’t prep the trial.Paul Lewiston: Surely, Edwin assigned it to somebody.Lori Colson: Well, um - actually…. (she glances at a vacant-looking Denny Crane).Paul Lewiston: Denny? Are you handling the Holcomb Pharmaceuticals trial?Denny Crane: I am.Paul Lewiston: Are you prepared to try this case?Denny Crane: I will be.Paul Lewiston: You will be? Are you aware the trial begins tomorrow?After the meeting, in Paul’s office.Paul Lewiston: We have a problem, Lori. You at least need to backstop Denny here. I don’t -Lori Colson: I can’t. I’m in trial myself today.Paul Lewiston: In trial on what?Lori Colson: I, uh, was assigned a case a couple of days ago which I sort of took.Paul Lewiston: What kind of case?Lori Colson: Uh, just a … homicide.Paul Lewiston: What? Why are you suddenly taking court appointments?Lori Colson: I just need kind of a change, that’s all.Paul Lewiston: Now everyone here is dissatisfied? What is this?Lori Colson: The case I did last week, it kind of awakened me a little. I’m feeling the need to connect with people.Paul Lewiston: Criminal people?Lori Colson: Please don’t trivialize this.Paul Lewiston: Criminal defense is a far cry from criminal prosecution, Lori. You won’t like it.Lori Colson: How can you possibly know that before I even -Paul Lewiston: I know you.Tara Wilson is examining a document in an office, when Alan Shore enters.Alan Shore: So….shall we?Tara Wilson: We shall. Do you have Morgan’s address?Alan Shore: I do. But what I meant is, shall we continue where we left off last night?Tara Wilson: In front of my building, with you peeing in the planter.Alan Shore: I was about to burst. You should’ve let me come up.Tara Wilson: That plant needed watering.Alan Shore: You should’ve let me come up, Tara.Tara Wilson: It was 4:00 am. If I let you up, next thing we know we’re in the liquor cabinet. Two minutes after that, passed out. Robin sprawled across Batman. What would they say at the Hall of Justice?Alan Shore: Was that what you were afraid of? The sprawling?Tara Wilson: I invited you out to get your mind off Sally.Alan Shore: You’ve succeeded. It’s back to an old, familiar, wanton place.Tara Wilson: Alan, we agreed that you and I couldn’t work.Alan Shore: What was the reason again? I’ve forgotten.Tara Wilson: It would be trouble. One night out, we lose all control and end up behind bars.Alan Shore: Which was utterly intoxicating, was it not? Losing control together. What about it, Tara? After all this time, maybe we should undress -Tara Wilson: We’re late.As they walk out of the office and down the hall, Sally watches them go.Denny Crane is staring at a stack of thick binders on his desk and lifting them one at a time.Denny Crane: Thick file.Paul Lewiston: Of course it’s a thick file. It’s a class action involving thousands of plaintiffs, and it’s complicated, Denny.Denny Crane: Thick file.Paul Lewiston: Look, all we can do is throw ourselves at the mercy of the judge. If you and I both go to see him and explain Edwin’s situation, maybe he’ll give us some time.Denny Crane: Thick file.Alan Shore and Tara Wilson are visiting client Bill Morgan at his apartment.Bill Morgan: $70,000.Alan Shore: It’s their opening offer.Bill Morgan (shaking his head): Hmm.Alan Shore: You seem like a very nice man, Mr. Morgan. You also seem like a hypochondriac.Bill Morgan: These headaches are real.Alan Shore: I have no doubt. You’ve also complained on several occasions that you were suffering from tanapox virus.Bill Morgan: Because I noticed the characeristic papular lesions. Very tender. Approximately two centimeters in diameter.Alan Shore: You realize the tanapox virus is endemic to equatorial Africa?Bill Morgan: Yes.Alan Shore: Have you enjoyed your many visits to equatorial Africa?Bill Morgan: I’ve never been there.Alan Shore: Ah. Then perhaps you can see the outline of our problem, Mr. Morgan.Bill Morgan: Look. It’s not my fault. I go to the library and I read books. I try to understand how I might get better. But sometimes the books, they scare me even more ‘cause they describe diseases I didn’t even know I had. Maybe I am a hypochondriac. What do you take for that?Lori Colson and Sally Heep are interviewing client Jason Binder in a conference room.Jason Binder: Miss Colson, I have never been in a fight before.Lori Colson: Okay. We need to be able to call a witness or two who can speak to your nonviolent character. Jason Binder: I told you - my mother.Lori Colson: Mothers tend to come off as biased.Sally Heep: There’s gotta be somebody else. Friends, coworkers - There’s gotta be somebody.Jason Binder: Well, I live at home. I work at home. I hardly ever go out. My mother’s the only one that - But I gotta warn you. She doesn’t make the best impression.Lori Colson: What do you mean?Jason Binder: Well, she’s got a glass eye, and it doesn’t fit so good. And when she gets upset - If you put her on the stand, don’t get her upset.In Judge Katherine Taylor’s courtroom, witness Kevin Quinlan is on the stand.Kevin Quinlan: I went up to the bar to get a few drinks. And when I turned around, that’s when I saw Jared and him exchanging words. And I could tell it wasn’t friendly.A.D.A. George Martin: By “him”?Kevin Quinlan: The defendant. So I started heading back, and the place was really packed, so I was kind of blocked. And that’s when I saw Jared push him. And then Jared took a swing, and that was it.A.D.A. George Martin: What was it? Tell us what you saw.Kevin Quinlan: The defendant - he just threw a punch right to Jared’s throat, and Jared just collapsed to the ground. And when I got there, he was barely breathing, and he was making, like, a sucking noise. And then he just stopped breathing, and I tried to do mouth-to-mouth. And so did another guy who said he knew C.P.R., but he - he just died right there on the floor.A.D.A. George Martin: Okay. Now, Mr. Quinlan, this is important. Describe the punch as best you can.Kevin Quinlan: It was a - a short, direct punch. And I could - I could tell by the way he was holding his hand and how he threw the punch that he knew martial arts. It was a kill punch.Lori Colson: Objection!Judge Katherine Taylor: Sustained.A.D.A. George Martin: Why, in your lay opinion, sir, did you regard it as a kill punch?Lori Colson: Objection.Judge Katherine Taylor: Overruled. He can answer.Kevin Quinlan: By hitting the throat, you can make it collapse, and then the person suffocates which is exactly what happened.A.D.A. George Martin: Okay.Lori Colson: You didn’t actually see the altercation begin. You turned around, and they were having words? Kevin Quinlan: That’s right.Lori Colson: You couldn’t hear what was said?Kevin Quinlan: No.Lori Colson: Mr. Quinlan, when the police arrived and questioned you, did you tell them that you recognized my client’s punch as a form of martial arts?Kevin Quinlan: No. I was probab -Lori Colson: Did you demonstrated to them the fist you just made for the jury?Kevin Quinlan: I was too shook up.Lori Colson: In fact, you made no mention of martial arts until after it was published in the newspapers.Kevin Quinlan: And when I read it, it clicked. It all made perfect sense because that’s what I saw.Lori Colson: Hmm. You just forgot to mention it when the police specifically asked you what you saw? How many beers had you had that night, sir?Kevin Quinlan: Three.Lori Colson: How many beers had Jared Grant had?Kevin Quinlan: Three.Lori Colson: So you admittedly couldn’t hear the exchange, you admittedly didn’t see the altercation begin, and you’d been drinking?Paul Lewiston and Denny Crane are paying a visit to Judge Brian Franzetti in his chambers.Paul Lewiston: Certainly no one could anticipate Edwin Poole’s illness.Judge Brian Franzetti: This unanticipated illness occurred weeks ago. You come to me the day before the trial? Paul Lewiston: The simple truth is this one fell through the cracks.Judge Brian Franzetti: The plaintiff has witnesses from out of town.Paul Lewiston: We’d be willing to assume those costs.Judge Brian Franzetti: Oh, gee! What a swell bunch of guys!Paul Lewiston: Your Honor -Judge Brian Franzetti: Oh, no, no, no, no - I’m sick of this. Your firm has employed a strategy of system heel-dragging. It is immoral.Paul Lewiston: Edwin Poole is the only one -Judge Brian Franzetti: Whose fault is that? You people should be sued for malpractice.Denny Crane: Brian, you and I have a relationship. I think of you as a friend.Judge Brian Franzetti: Yes, well, that friendship has gotta take a backseat to principle. I’m sorry.Denny Crane: Well, you know, Brina, given our relationship, I feel entitled to be honest, the way friends are during difficult times. Can I be honest with you, Brian?Judge Brian Franzetti: Please.Paul Lewiston: Denny.Denny Crane: You’re a bastard, and a greedy one at that. This is a class action. You get credit for all the consolidated cases in one fell swoop. You’re looking to make presiding judge. You need that credit by calendar year’s end. That’s why you’re desperate to move this thing forward - to pad your docket. This is about ambition, not morality, you greedy, sniveling, little wop.Judge Brian Franzetti: Motion for continuance denied.Denny Crane: You know what I’m gonna do, Brian? Just to show you there are no hard feelings? I’m gonna sleep with your wife.In Paul Lewiston’s office, he, Denny Crane, and Brad Chase are meeting with the Holcomb clients.Paul Lewiston: It is our recommendation that you discharge us as counsel. Ask the judge for time to find new attorneys. The only alternative is proceeding tomorrow, which I don’t think we want to do.Derek Ross: Edwin Poole never even gave us this trial date. He told us it was continued indefinitely.Paul Lewiston: Which is why we’re suggesting that you discharge us. He has got to give you time to find new counsel.Lori Colson and Sally Heep are walking through the halls at Crane, Poole & Schmidt.Lori Colson: You have to handle this, Sally.Sally Heep: Me?Lori Colson: Look, I have this thing about glass eyes. I once had a teacher with a glass eye, and sometimes when he’d get mad, he’d take it out and whack it on his desk. Gave me nightmares.Tara Wilson approaches them from the opposite direction.Tara Wilson: Hi there.Lori Colson: Hey. (then to Sally Heep) What was that?Sally Heep: Nothing. Someone just seems a little overeager to rekindle the flame with Alan Shore.Alan Shore and Tara Wilson are meeting with opposing counsel.Attorney Braxton Mason: The offer was firm at 70.Alan Shore: Yes. We thought if you’d unfirm it to one and a quarter, we could be done. Your client wouldn’t have to testify tomorrow which, of course, would free him up to misdiagnose others.Attorney Braxton Mason: You don’t seem to get it, Mr. Shore. We offered 70 as nuisance change.Alan Shore: Yes. We just feel Mr. Morgan is a much bigger nuisance than you give him credit for. And I’m an enormous nuisance. We should get something for that.Lori Colson and Sally Heep approach the door of Helen Binder’s apartment.Sally Heep: I feel nauseous.Lori Colson: You’ll be fine. They reach the door. Knock on it.Sally Heep: You knock on it.Lori Colson: Sally!Sally Heep: If I’m doing the talking, the least you can do is -The door opens suddenly, and both women scream in surprise.Helen Binder: You his lawyers?Sally Heep: Hi.Helen Binder: Hi.Sally Heep: I’m Sally Heep. This is -Lori Colson (looking down): Lori Colson. Hello.Sally Heep: Uh, we just wanted to ask you a few questions, Mrs. Binder, if we could.Helen Binder: Oh, come on in.The three women are now seated in Mrs. Binder’s apartment.Helen Binder: He’s a wonderful boy with a gentle heart.Sally Heep: Yes. Our problem is, you seem to be the only person to truly know him.Helen Binder (sighs): He thinks I’ll make a bad witness on account of the eye. It’s glass, you see? Look close. Sally Heep: Yes.Helen Binder (looking toward Lori): Hmm?Lori Colson: Yeah.Sally Heep: The thing is the prosecution is obviously claiming that Jason’s heart is not gentle.Helen Binder: Has he ever been in trouble? Has he ever been arrested? Has he ever caused problems for anybody? No. He is a nice young man, and it’s the way I raised him.Sally Heep: That’s exactly what we’ll need you to say. I’m also maybe gonna take you shopping, get your hair done. The more presentable, the -Helen Binder: He deserved to die - Jared Grant.Sally Heep: Uh, why do you say that?Helen Binder: He beat up my Jason.Sally Heep: Well, he didn’t exactly beat him up. There was an altercation.Helen Binder: He beat him up! The man is evil, and he deserved to die!Sally Heep: Let’s calm down.Helen Binder: He deserved it, I tell you!Helen’s glass eye bounces onto the coffee table and rolls across and onto the floor.In Judge Paul Resnick’s courtroom, defendant Dr. Steven Rayburn is on the witness stand.Attorney Braxton Mason: Dr. Rayburn, over these six months that Mr. Morgan was in your care, how many visits did he make to your practice?Dr. Steven Rayburn: Thirty-eight.Attorney Braxton Mason: Is that a lot?Dr. Steven Rayburn: Four times as many as any other patient. We joked he was the office mascot. You name the condition, Mr. Morgan was convinced he had it. Cold, flu, bronchitis, uh, shingles, adult-onset diabetes.Bill Morgan (to Tara Wilson): I never complained of adult-onset diabetes. That’s characterized by excessive thirst. Does it seem to you like I’ve been drinking a lot today?Tara Wilson: I’m sure you’re fine, Bill.Attorney Braxton Mason: Mr. Morgan contends your neglect drove him to this state.Dr. Steven Rayburn: The truth is I bent over backwards to accommodate him. He always needed to be seen immediately. And busy as my practice is, I always made the time.Alan Shore: I applaud you, sir, for your tireless commitment to my client. What a guy. (he begins to clap)Attorney Braxton Mason: Objection.Judge Paul Resnick: Sustained.Alan Shore: Oh. So, these 38 visits - on the house?Dr. Steven Rayburn: I’m sorry?Alan Shore: They were free visits?Dr. Steven Rayburn: No.Alan Shore: Oh. So you charged him. That makes sense. So, with all his complaining, his incapacitation, that pinched look on his face, there’s nothing wrong with him?Dr. Steven Rayburn: Nothing clinically, no. It’s in his head.Alan Shore: Traditional home for the migraine, is it not?Dr. Steven Rayburn: It’s psychosomatic. He’s a classic hypochondriac.Alan Shore: I see. Well, there’s a diagnosis. Tell me, what treatment did you prescribe for my client’s classic hypochondria?Dr. Steven Rayburn: I’m a general practictioner, not a psychiatrist.Alan Shore: So you referred him out to whom?Dr. Steven Rayburn: No one in particular. I did tell him he needed help. I believe I even gave him a list of practitioners.Alan Shore: Ah. So he kept coming to you. You kept taking his money. You did not treat him. And you referred him to … no one in particular.Dr. Steven Rayburn: I’m a G.P. I told him to seek mental treatment. I advised it. I can’t force it.Alan Shore: Once again, he kept coming, you kept taking the money, and you referred him to … no one in particular.In Judge Brian Franzetti’s courtroom, the Holcomb clients have requested a delay to find new counsel. Judge Brian Franzetti: So you now want to fire your lawyers?Derek Ross: Yes, Your Honor. We had no idea trial was about to start. That’s how incompetent these people are.Judge Brian Franzetti: Oh, and I suppose you had no idea that your company was bilking senior citizens? Derek Ross: Certainly Your Honor intends to keep an open mind with regard to the -Judge Brian Franzetti: Here’s the deal. I give you one day to find new counsel. Twenty-four hours. After that, I’m fining you $250,000 a day for any further delay.The Holcomb clients and the Crane, Poole & Schmidt legal team are leaving the courtroom.Derek Ross: It almost seemed personal. Have you done anything to upset this guy?Denny Crane: Not that I can think of.Adam Herbett: Well, look, aside from preparation concerns, we’ve got a bigger problem. This judge, he’s biased. Paul Lewiston: This is what I propose we do. File an interlocutory appeal asking-Derek Ross: At 250,000 a day.Paul Lewiston: While we’re filing that appeal, we’ll go forward. Should we win, we can suspend the trial. Should we lose, we won’t incur the fine.Derek Ross: But are you people ready to try this case?Denny Crane: I can try it. Denny Crane.Paul Lewiston: There were some settlement discussions that broke down. If Denny can open big, that might bring them back to the table which may be the best way to go at this point.In Katherine Taylor’s courtroom, witness Gregory Stone is on the stand.Gregory Stone: It was four years ago, at a park in Brighton.A.D.A. George Martin: You met the defendant?Gregory Stone: Well, I didn’t exactly meet him.A.D.A. George Martin: Well, what then?Gregory Stone: I beat the crap out of him. (to Judge Taylor) E-excuse me. I was a different person then.A.D.A. George Martin: Okay, Mr. Stone. We need to be very specific about what happened back then. Gregory Stone: Well, he tried to get into a game of pickup hoops. Me and another guy in the game, we started dissing him a little. He said something back, and we beat him up pretty good. I’m not proud of it.A.D.A. George Martin: And you’re sure it was Jason Binder?Gregory Stone: Yeah. When I saw his picture on the news, I remembered his face. It was definitely him.A.D.A. George Martin: And what about the other guy who beat him up?Gregory Stone: Jared Grant, the guy he killed.Lori Colson and Sally Heep are meeting privately with Jason Binder.Lori Colson: You lied to me. Not only were you in a fight before -Jason Binder: It doesn’t prove anything.Lori Colson: Now they have a motive, Jason. The victim beats you up four years ago. You take up tae kwon do. You just so happen to encounter him, at which point you kill him?Jason Binder: It wasn’t like that.Lori Colson: That’s why your mom said he deserved to die, because -Jason Binder: It wasn’t like that!Lori Colson: What am I supposed to argue now?Sally Heep: Let’s have it, Jason. Did you go to that bar to get revenge?Jason Binder: I went there to stand up to him. You have no idea how haunted I was by - I didn’t even put up my hands four years ago. It wasn’t getting beat up that stuck with me. It was that I didn’t even - I just let myself get beat up.Lori Colson: So you took up martial arts.Jason Binder: And I went there to stand up to him. I didn’t plan a fight. I certainly didn’t go there to kill him. Then when he swung at me, I just - I swung back. I never meant to kill him.Denny Crane’s office, which is a flurry of activity with assistants scurrying and flip charts surrounding his desk.Denny Crane: Who are we overbilling? Medicare or senior citizens?Julia: Both, but Medicare isn’t suing us.Denny Crane: “Us”? Meaning the drug company?Julia: Correct.Denny Crane: But if the hospitals are doing the overcharging, why are the seniors suing the drug company? Brad Chase: Denny, we’ve been over this before. The drug company, our client, has the sweetheart deals with the hospitals. We give them rebates, so they disguise the real cost of the drugs. They then bill Medicare for the higher, allegedly inflated costs.Denny Crane: Really? What’s our defense to that?Alan Shore, Tara Wilson and Bill Morgan are in a meeting with Attorney Braxton Mason.Alan Shore: Seventy-five. You’ve upped your offer by $5,000.Attorney Braxton Mason: We feel it’s generous, particularly when your client’s injuries aren’t real.Bill Morgan: They’re real.Alan Shore: All right, Bill.Attorney Braxton Mason: You know, Mr. Morgan. I don’t typically counsel opposing parties, but I might advise a legal malpractice claim against the attorney who filled your head with million-dollar windfalls.Alan Shore: You seem to have a little something wedged in between numbers four and five. Hmm. Guess it’s just part of your mouth. One last proposal, and it’s entirely possible I’m kidding, by the way, depending upon your reaction. 300,000, sealed. We kick back 50 to you under the table.Attorney Braxton Mason: Mr. Shore, I guarantee you I am not that kind of attorney.Alan Shore: Really? Gosh, I am.Attorney Braxton Mason: I should report you directly to the bar, if not the district attorney.Alan Shore: Well, if that’s how you feel, then I was kidding.Attorney Braxton Mason: I’m going to the judge now.Alan Shore: Excellent. New trial. That’ll certainly cost your client much more than 75,000.Attorney Braxton Mason: Your offer is rejected.Tara Wilson: Suppose he does go to the judge.Alan Shore: Oh, please. He doesn’t want a mistrial. He thinks he’s won. Plus, he can’t prove I wasn’t kidding. I’m known to be funny.In Judge Katherine Taylor’s courtroom, Helen Binder is on the witness stand.Helen Binder: This is a child who wouldn’t slap a mosquito. He would shoo it away. He couldn’t bring himself to harm a fly or any animal, certainly not a human being.A.D.A. George Martin: Four years harboring a grudge doesn’t suggest a rage to you?Helen Binder: He was bullied by many people, Mr. Martin, not just Jared Grant.A.D.A. George Martin: But he killed Jared Grant.Helen Binder: He got into a fight which had a tragic ending. He never intended to kill, nor could he.A.D.A. George Martin: He learned a lethal martial artz maneuver that -Helen Binder: He learned to defend himself. Look at the size of him, for God’s sake. What was he to do? Fend people off with a sharp wit?A.D.A. George Martin: Mrs. Binder, you love your son very much, don’t you?Helen Binder: Of course I do.A.D.A. George Martin: In fact, he’s your only child. He’s all you have, isn’t he?Helen Binder: Yes.A.D.A. George Martin: He lives with you - or did - before his arrest?Helen Binder: There’s something wrong with that?A.D.A. George Martin: I bet you would do or say anything to keep him from going to prison.Helen Binder: I’m up here telling the truth.A.D.A. George Martin: No. You’re telling lies to spare a loved one a life sentence.Helen Binder: No. You’re the one that’s telling lies! You’re the liar here!A.D.A. George Martin: Your son’s a killer!Helen Binder: No, he is not!A.D.A. George Martin: Your son is a killer!Helen Binder: No, he is not!Helen’s glass eye clatters to the ground and rolls all the way across the courtroom floor.Denny Crane and the team continue to prepare for the Holcomb case in his office.Denny Crane: What does a rubber glove have to do with it?Brad Chase: Denny, the alleged fraud goes beyond just prescription drugs. It goes to medical supplies as well. Denny Crane: I see a rubber glove, I’m heading in the other direction, I’ll tell you that.Paul Lewiston: Denny, do you understand what this case is about?Denny Crane: I do, Paul.Paul Lewiston: Can you succinctly tell us?Denny Crane: The plaintiff thinks he’s getting bilked for drugs and supplies. His evidence is we charge hospitals and clinics less for those very drugs and supplies. Our argument is, the mere offering of a discount to a consumer does not constitute the overbilling to another. In fact, since hospitals and clinics with E.R.’s regularly treat those who cannot pay, an argument could be made that we’re extending these discounts to those most in need. We’re saving lives, damn it. And I will not apologize for my client’s billing practices. I salute them. I invite you to salute them.Brad Chase: Okay. Let’s turn to the vertical integration between our clients and the hospitals.Denny Crane: What the hell is that?Tara Wilson is fixing tea in the break room at Crane, Poole & Schmidt when Lori Colson enters.Lori Colson: Earl Grey, huh?Tara Wilson: Hmm.Lori Colson: That would keep me up till Thursday.Tara Wilson: Hopefully a few hours at least.Lori Colson: You and Alan pulling a late one?Tara Wilson: Might be. We’re closing tomorrow.Lori Colson: What are you doing tonight?Tara Wilson: Preparing.Lori Colson: Right. You know, the whole Sally and Alan thing, she’s still pretty raw.Tara Wilson: Meaning?Lori Colson: Oh, just that if you had any intentions of -Alan Shore (who has entered the room unnoticed): Eating her? Raw would certainly be problematic. All that kicking and screaming. Rare often works for me. Seared. I’m sorry. Did you mean something else?Lori Colson: I’m just looking out for a friend.Alan Shore: I see. Well, given that it was Sally’s decision to end our relationship, perhaps you’d consider looking out for me.Lori Colson: You seem all right.Alan Shore: Just to clarify, if Tara did have any intention of whatever euphemism you were in search of, it would,。

Boston LegalHelping HandsSeason 2, Episode 12Written by David E. Kelly2005 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: January 17, 2006Transcribed by Imamess of JSMP for Paul Lewiston, Shirley Schmidt and Brad Chase are in Paul’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Paul Lewiston: Shirley. I am not going through this again!Brad Chase: Could someone catch me up here?Shirley Schmidt: Denny got engaged.Brad Chase: Mazeltov?Paul Lewiston: No Mazeltov.Brad Chase: Well, who is it this time?Paul Lewiston: Beverly Bridge.Shirley Schmidt: The women Denny ‘Craned’ in the coat room at that charity dinner last week.Paul Lewiston: If this Bev turns out to be another Angie. Oh god.Brad Chase: Angie?Paul Lewiston: Number four.Shirley Schmidt: Wife number five was no picnic either.Paul Lewiston: Clovis.Shirley Schmidt: She almost got him to retire, pull his equity out of the firm and move to Boca.Paul Lewiston: Clovis nearly sunk us.Shirley Schmidt: Half the staff quit.Paul Lewiston: And she was drunk the day President Ford stopped by. Alright, I’ll pull out Denny’s last prenup. See if I can water seal it. Shirley. You talk to the woman, get her story. Brad. Check the partnership agreement. We have to make sure there are no loopholes in the mandatory buyout in case of partner’s death or incapacity.Brad Chase: One thing.Shirley Schmidt: What?Brad Chase: Is there any remote possibility we could be over reacting here?In Denny office music starts playing. Denny and Bev each have a microphone in their hands. They start singing karaoke.Denny Crane and Beverly Bridges: I’ve had the time of my life. I’ve never felt this way before. Brad, Shirley and Paul peek around the corner. Yes, I swear, it’s the truth. And I owe it all the you ‘cause I had the time of my life.Brad Chase: I’ll get the partnership agreement.Denny Crane and Beverly Bridges: I’ve never felt this way before. And I owe it all to you. You, you, you, you, you.In Judge Judge Gordon Kolodny’s courtroom.Clerk: Docket number two four nine six three five. Commonwealth versus Jerald Epsenson. Attempted murder, assault, assault with a deadly weapon, battery, sexual battery, false imprisonment, torture, terrorist threats.Alan Shore: Alan Shore for the preposterously charged Mr Espenson.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Frank Ginsgerg for the Commonwealth.Judge Gordon Kolodny: How do you plead?Alan Shore: Not guilty by reason of temporary insanity.Judge Gordon Kolodny: As to bail?Alan Shore: We ask that Mr Espenson be released on his own recognizance.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Commonwealth opposes bail.Alan Shore: You can’t be serious! Your Honor! This incident was an aberration. Mr Espenson is an upstanding member of his community, is not a danger to society, and he has a family counting on him at home. Frank Ginsberg steps back to whisper to Shirley.Judge Gordon Kolodny: He has dependants?Alan Shore: Her name is Linda.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Your Honor. Let the record show that his dependent is a gecko Mr Espenson threatened to kill his boss in her place of business and has a history of violence. He could be a flight risk.Alan Shore: Flight risk? The man can’t even hail a cab! He turns to Jerry. Sorry.A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: It is incumbent on the Commonwealth to protect at large if, God forbid, he’s released and hurts someone else.Judge Gordon Kolodny: Bail is denied. Defendant shall be remanded into custody immediately.Jerry Espenson: Mealworms are in the fridge. I need to feed Linda. I need to get home.Alan Shore: Jerry, I’ll feed Linda.Alan and Shirley are walking in the corridor at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Alan Shore: Sexual battery, torture, terrorist threats? That isn’t justice, disproportionate retribution. And good for you, you’ve enlisted the one prosecutor who’s running for D.A. next year. Tell me. How big was your campaign contribution? And is there a matching fund here at the firm we can all go in on?Shirley Schmidt: It was sizeable and speak to Kim in accounting.Alan Shore: Jerry Espenson never intended…Shirley Schmidt: Do not start defending him to me, Alan.Alan Shore: I agreed to defend him. That’s why he put down the knife.Shirley Schmidt: No you agree to represent him. No one here meant for you to defend him.Alan Shore: Shirley. No one is denying what this man has done to you. But he should at least get a fair trial.Shirley Schmidt: Oh by all means, let’s get a fair trial for the man who tried to slit my throat.Alan Shore: Lets!Shirley Schmidt: Understand that everyone at the firm is considered a witness. Don’t expect anyone to help you. Or speak to you.Alan Shore: And won’t that make for a refreshing change? He walks away.Paul Lewiston:He comes up. Shirley? Have you talked to Denny’s fiancé yet?Shirley Schmidt: I’ve been a little busy, Paul.Paul Lewiston: I’m working on the prenup. But we need you to find out her intensions.Shirley Schmidt: You’re the one with the kind eyes. I don’t do girl talk.Paul Lewiston: Do I have to remind you how serious this situation is? If Denny becomes incapacitated… or should I say I say further incapacitated, this woman could become his Nancy Regan. She’d have his power of attorney. She could bring down the firm.Shirley Schmidt: I’ll talk to her.Denise Bauer is in her office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt packing her briefcase. Daniel Post knocks on the door jamb.Denise Bauer: Daniel?Daniel Post: Came to take you to lunch.Denise Bauer: I can’t. I have a case.Daniel Post: What is it?Denise Bauer: A high school teacher is seeking a temporary restraining order against one of her student’s parents. They’re hounding the woman day and night about the daughter’s grades.Daniel Post: Helicopter parents.Denise Bauer: Helicopter parents?Daniel Post: Well, that’s what they call ‘em now. Yeah, parents who hover around their kids, trying to control every aspect of their lives.Denise Bauer: Oh, that would be the Gerings.Daniel Post: Oh. Cool. I’m in.Denise Bauer: What?Daniel Post: I wanna second chair. I mean, why not? I got my law degree. I keep up my MCLE’s.Denise Bauer: Have you ever actually tried a case?Daniel Post: No, but I’ve always wanted to. I mean think of it as the Make a Wish Foundation granting a dying kid his fantasy. Denise gives him a look. If that kid were a rich guy in his forties. Besides I could probably help you. I’m on the board of Lexington School. My kids used to go there. We deal with helicopter parents all the time.Denise Bauer: Well, that could be helpful. I would have to get the client’s approval though.Daniel Post: I can get that.Denise Bauer: I would have to get one of the partners to agree.Daniel Post: Looks like a partner right there. He walks up to Denny. Daniel Post.Denny Crane: Denny Crane.Daniel Post: I’m a client.Denny Crane: I’m a partner.Daniel Post: CEO Christberg and Phelem.Denny Crane: My name is on the door.Daniel Post: I love the offices.Denny Crane: Thank you. I love your hair.Daniel Post: I got a plane.Denny Crane: Indeed?Daniel Post: Could use a little more color though.Denny Crane: I’ll make a note. My fiancé sells office furniture.Daniel Post: Congratulations. I’d love to meet her.Denny Crane: My club. Thursday. They serve reubensDaniel Post: I’ll take you flying. Oh, by the way, I’d like to try a case with Ms Bauer over here?Denny Crane: Why not? See you Thursday.Daniel Post: Thursday. Denise is amazed. That’s what I do. I make connections. That’s how we met! Remember? Shirley walks down the corridor at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. She walks into Alan’s office. He’s there with Jerry. And Linda.Alan Shore: Shirley, I believe you know my client.Shirley Schmidt: Why isn’t this man in jail?Alan Shore: He has an excellent attorney. Who filed an emergency writ with Court of Appeals and the Judge agreed that denial of bail was an abuse of discretion. I’m surprised your lackey at the D.A.’s office didn’t keep you abreast of this. Perhaps you didn’t tip him enough.Shirley Schmidt: He’s not to be in this building. I’ll get a restraining order if I have to.She leaves.Jerry Espenson: She hates me.Alan Shore: Tempers seem frayed all around. That’s why I’m filing for a continuance. We’ll everyone cool down a bit then try again for a plea bargain.Jerry Espenson: No! Plea bargain’s out of the question. It’s not guilty or nothing.Alan Shore: But you are guilty Jerry. A whole office full of people saw you do it. One of the junior associates took a video of you on his cell phone. He’s thinking of entering it in a film festival.Jerry Espenson: No plea bargain!Alan Shore: Proving temporary insanity is a daunting task, you know that. A plea bargain is our best chance to keep you out of jail.Jerry Espenson: If I plea bargain I’ll be disbarred. Alan, my whole life is the law. It’s all I have. It’s what I love. You can’t let them take that away from me.Alan Shore: Then we go to trial.Garrett and Alan are in Alan’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Alan Shore: Look up any case law, any articles, new reports, anything that supports the theory that stress in the work place can lead to an individual losing control of themselves. Especially in the form of a voilent outburst.Garrett Wells: Got it. He starts to leave and meets Shirley coming in. He quickly hides the clipboard he’s holding.Shirley Schmidt: Hello, Garrett. You’re not helping Mr Shore on the Espenson case because you’re a witness. I’m sure you’re aware that would be a conflict of interest?Garrett Wells: I was just getting him coffee.Shirley Schmidt: Yeah. Well, you can’t do that either. I’ll take it decaf though. Thanks.Garrett Wells: Thank you. He leaves.Alan Shore: Shirley, I know we’re fighting, but there’s no reason to take it out on the children.Shirley Schmidt: Alan. This looks like it could be tough on you. Especially since you don’t have an assistant anymore. Shirley leaves and Melissa comes in carrying a box.Alan Shore: Shirley fired you?Melissa Hughes: Worse. I got transferred to human resources where all the people persons are.Alan Shore: She’s building a Chinese Wall.Melissa Hughes: What’s that?Alan Shore: It’s a legal concept. It keeps anyone in the firm who may be involved in this case from talking to me about it.Melissa Hughes: Well then you’ve got a big-ass wall around you.Alan Shore: Shirley’s just trying to rattle my cage. It’s only a temporary transfer.Melissa Hughes: So you won’t be mad if I ignore you in the hall and just look at your shoes. I need my job.Alan Shore: I’ll try to wear nice shoes.In Judge Peggy Zeder’s courtroom. Traci Carpenter is being questioned by Denise.Traci Carpenter: They call me at night, on the weekends they email, text message my cell phone, they drop by for parent-teacher conferences, they challenge every grade, every assignment. The last straw was when my sister was delivering her baby and I was her coach. They called on my cell phone and when I said that Cathy was starting to crown they asked when she’d be finished so we could discuss Rachel’s paper on The Red Pony. It used to be that teachers spent eighty percent of the time with the students and now we spent eighty percent of the time with the parents and it’s hurting the kids.Denise Bauer: Thank you. She walks back to the table.Daniel Post: Ahem, hem, hem, hem.Denise Bauer: Excuse me Your Honor, just one moment.Daniel Post:In a whisper to Denise. The Judge doesn’t like her.Denise Bauer: She doesn’t like me!Daniel Post: You know who women do find charming? Me.Judge Peggy Zeder: Ms Bauer?Daniel Post: Let me ask a question. Just see how it goes.Denise Bauer: I don’t know about that.Judge Peggy Zeder: Ms Bauer?!Daniel Post: Ms Carpenter. Ah, would you say it’s true that Rachel Gering is a good student?Attorney John Hoberg: Objection! Leading the witness.Daniel Post: Right. Sorry, I knew that. Sorry. Sorry. What kind of grades does Rachel get?Traci Carpenter: She has between a B-plus and an A-minus average.Daniel Post: And has the Gering’s attention done anything to change that grade?Traci Carpenter: Not at all.Daniel Post: One more question. Have the Gerings contacted any other teachers?Traci Carpenter: All the other teachers. The one they hounded the most was Mr Chihee, the math teacher.Daniel Post: How did he react?Traci Carpenter: He quit. He couldn’t take it anymore so he took early retirement. I’m still twenty years away from that.I was so excited to become a teacher. No one told me it would be this way.Daniel Post: Nothing further, Your Honor. Unless, ah, you can think of anything?Judge Peggy Zeder: Ha.Beverly and Shirley are having drinks in a bar.Beverly Bridge: I know what you want Shirley. And yes, Denny does still talk about you. He remembers his experiences with you so fondly. Did you know that he has a position called, ‘The Schmidt’?Shirley Schmidt: Would that be the one where I read a magazine while he lies passed out on the floor?Beverly Bridge: That’s not what I heard.Shirley Schmidt: Look Bev, I’m a busy woman so I’ll just get to the point. Who are you and what are you up to? Beverly Bridge: Oh. We’re going to have that conversation.Shirley Schmidt: We are.Beverly Bridge: So, you think I’m screwing Denny for his money and power?Shirley Schmidt: It had occurred to me.Beverly Bridge: Well, good news! I am. I find money and power just so appetizing. And why did you screw him? Shirley Schmidt: I lost a bet.Beverly Bridge: Shirley. You know, I, I thought you were enlightened. But it turns out that you’re the worst kind of female there is. Either you condemn a woman as a whore because she enjoys sex…Shirley Schmidt: I didn’t say...Beverly Bridge: … or you assume that she’s a manipulative gold-digger.Shirley Schmidt: Ha, ha. Oh, Bev. You know, I’ve completely misread you. Here I had you pegged as some kind of predatory shark. Ha. I came here today with the intension of telling you that if you ever do anything to hurt my friend, Denny, or this firm I will see to it that you are hunted down legally and literally until you are penniless and left to troll airport bars looking for alcoholic pilots nearing retirement age. But I can see I don’t need to do that.Beverly Bridge: You know it’s really hard to believe that you’re the one that came up with, ‘The Schmidt’. She leaves. Male patron:He moves next to Shirely. So, ah. What is ‘The Schmidt’?Denny is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt dancing alone to fast-paced Latin music. Alan comes up and knocks on the door jamb.Alan Shore: May I cut in?Denny Crane: I’m practicing for my wedding. Come and join me.Alan Shore: Why not?Denny Crane: No, no. No, no. It’s not on the one. It's not a mambo. It's a feeling, like a heartbeat. Kachunk, kachunk, kachunk.Alan Shore: Shut up and dance, mister. Denny twirls Alan. This case Shirley is pursuing against Jerry.Denny Crane: I’m not allowed to talk about it. Vietnamese Wall.Alan Shore: Chinese Wall. She’s pressuring the D.A.’s office, she’s cut off all my resources here which is fine, it’s just getting a little crowded around the hotel room with the two paralegals I’ve hired from Harvard always underfoot.Denny Crane: I can’t hear you over the wall. Hey! You’re a natural.Alan Shore: Anything Denny Crane can do I can do backwards and wearing high heels.Denny Crane: The feeling I get around here is that people aren’t that high on Bev.Alan Shore: Haven’t noticed.Denny Crane: Well I don’t care if nobody else likes her. It’s important to me what you think of her.Alan Shore: I imagine I’ll like her.Denny Crane: No Alan, I need a guarantee. And I’m not talking about getting to know her and forming your own opinion. I need you to like her!Alan Shore: Denny? Just knowing you care for her makes me happy enough.Denny Crane:He toyes with Alan’s fingers. I’m feeling a tension. You can’t have a very strong case.Alan Shore: Jerry Espenson was determined to make partner. He didn’t and that’s what made him snap.Denny Crane: Well, what’s so special about that? All the associates wanna make partner. It’s the carrot we dangle in front of ‘em to keep them working.Alan Shore:He waltzes out of Denny’s arms. Excuse me, Denny. He picks up the phone. Melissa I need your help.I need access to some personal files.Denny Crane:He sticks his fingers in his ears. Vietnamese Wall!!In Judge Peggy Zeder’s courtroom. Attorney John Hoberg is questioning Gigi Gering.Attorney John Hoberg: Are you concerned about Rachel’s college prospects?Gigi Gering: Yes. Even the State schools have taken to admitting only the best of the best.Attorney John Hoberg: Are you saying Ms Carpenter isn’t qualified to prepare your daughter?Gigi Gering: No.But we would be remiss if we didn’t stay so involved. Our most important job is to prepare Rachel for her future.Attorney John Hoberg: Nothing further.Denise Bauer: Ms Gering? Are you saying that Ms Carpenter is a bad teacher?Gigi Gering: No. I didn’t say that.Denise Bauer: How would you rate her, B-minus? C-plus? What?Gigi Gering: I don’t think I could really…Denise Bauer: Because she has won a teaching award. So, maybe if you’re not giving her a good enough grade it’s your problem, not hers? Is that possible?Gigi Gering: I never said…Denise Bauer: We know that you’re involved with a lot of other teachers.Daniel Post: We just don’t want our teacher to get lost in the shuffle.Denise Bauer: And maybe you were having a bad day when you evaluated her.Attorney John Hoberg: Objection!Daniel Post: I don’t think you see her potential.Denise Bauer: We know that we don’t see how hard she works.Daniel Post: She works so hard. The other teachers are playing, Traci’s inside…Attorney John Hoberg: Your Honor?Judge Peggy Zeder: Ms Bauer!Attorney John Hoberg: Objection! They’re badgering the witness!Denise Bauer: Of course we’re badgering the witness!Daniel Post: Did you just figure that out?Judge Peggy Zeder: Objection sustained.Denise Bauer: Thank you, Your Honor for sustaining the objection to the badgering of this woman. That’s what this whole trial is about. Let’s stop the badgering.Daniel Post: Nobody should be able to do that sort of thing to anybody. Unless they themselves are actually a badger. In Judge Gordon Kolondy’s courtroom. A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg is questioning Shirley.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: In your opinion did Mr Espenson seem insane to you?Shirley Schmidt: No. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing. He even negotiated for the services of Mr Shore as his attorney. He only agreed to spare my life on that condition.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Thank you. Nothing further.Alan Shore: Ugh. Ms Schmidt. He walks up to adjust her microphone. I’m sorry it’s just these damn microphones….I don’t if you were able to hear her clearly. I heard some of it and it sounded great. He taps the mic. Testing! One, two three. Testing! Maybe if you sit a little closer.Judge Gordon Kolondy: Mr Shore. We can all hear the witness just fine.Alan Shore: You can? Good. It’s just Ms Schmidt and I work together and around the office Shirley’s considered something of a low talker.Shirley Schmidt: Mr Shore. Do you have a question?Alan Shore: Yes, I do. I have here Jerry Espenson’s performance reviews for the past fifteen years. Would you please read one for us? He hands her a folder. Pick a year. Any year.Shirley Schmidt: For the record Mr Espenson’s work reviews are all excellent. Now Mr Shore, would you like me to read one aloud for dramatic effect?Alan Shore: Now that you’ve taken all the fun out of it? No. How about I do it? He takes the folder. Uhm. Ah! Yeah. “Jerry has displayed a vast knowledge of the law, delivered all assignments in a timely fashion, has consistently met with the firm’s minimum billables.”Shirley Schmidt: There’s no denying Mr Espenson’s exceptional work habits.Alan Shore: Yet! And I quote, “Jerry Espenson is not partnership material.” What exactly did that mean?Shirley Schmidt: We’re a private firm at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. We have every right to decide what criteria by which to make people partners.Alan Shore: Yes. But, clearly Jerry Espenson is not partnership material. I mean, look at him, he’s awkward, unsociable, keeps his hands on his thighs at all times.Shirley Schmidt: As I said, we have many criteria.Alan Shore: So you’ve been lying to Jerry? Is that it?Shirley Schmidt: I beg your pardon?Alan Shore: About his chances to make partner. You never told him that he wasn’t partnership material. Quite the contrary, you encouraged him again and again to aspire to that position. And yet there it was, “Not partnership material.” in his confidential file since 1990, fifteen years ago. You’ve been lying to Jerry Espenson for fifteen years. Haven’t you?Shirley Schmidt: As you know Mr Shore, not everyone makes partner at our firm or any other. Otherwise our letterhead would be twenty pages long.Alan Shore: But as an institutionalize practice you keep all associates believing they have a chance to make partner. Especially the exceptional ones, even if you never have any intension of doing so. Isn’t that right.Shirley Schmidt: We encourage all our attorney’s to do good work. It’s their job.Alan Shore: That incident in the conference room a week ago with the cake knife? That really rattled you, didn’t it? Shirley Schmidt: Excuse me?Alan Shore: A man held a knife to your throat. You perceived it as a grave threat. It rattled you?Shirley Schmidt: The experience was not a pleasant one.Alan Shore: No I’m sure it wasn’t. But let’s talk about what’s really going on here. Shall we? A gifted, eccentric and loyal employee who worked for fifteen years on a promise, momentarily lost control of his senses when his one dream was taken away. And yet the D.A.’s office has charged my client with everything short of the Lindberg kidnapping, because ultimately they’re just following orders from the great and powerful Schmidt. Aren’t they?A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection! Relevance!Judge Gordon Kolondy: Sustained. Mr Shore?Alan Shore: Could someone move for a mistrial? Cause I’m fine with that.Judge Gordon Kolondy: You will keep your questions relevant Mr Shore.Alan Shore: Nothing further.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: When Mr Epenson was denied partnership at the firm, was he fired?Shirley Schmidt: No he was offered a position of counsel and was free to stay.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: And what salary would Mr Espenson have made if he’d stayed at the firm?Shirley Schmidt: Approximately three hundred thousand dollars per year.A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Three hundred thousand dollars a year? Sounds like a real coal mine at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Alan and Jerry are in Alan’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Jerry Espenson: It’s not going very well. Is it?Alan Shore: No it’s not. Jerry, it might be time to start thinking of who will take care of Linda if you’re away.Jerry Espenson: Oh God. Oh God.Alan Shore: Jerry, I’m going to make a case for temporary insanity that is as compelling as it can possibly be. But it’s thin, at best.And, I must be frank with you. I don’t know if it will be enough.Jerry Espenson: My dad is a mathematics professor at Cornell and he’s always saying, “May I have some toast?”Alan Shore: I don’t understand.Jerry Espenson: He says it over and over again. “May I have some toast? May I have some toast?” And eventually he says it enough and someone always gives him toast.Alan Shore: Your father?Jerry Espenson: He never gives up. That’s what I’m saying. It’s the toast. Bingo. We should never give up.Alan Shore: I won’t give up, Jerry.Denise and Daniel are having dinner in a restaurant.Daniel Post: I felt like a cross between Clarence Darrow and ah, Al Pacino in that movie where he shouts.Denise Bauer: Ha, hm. You are really good at trial law. You should uhm…Daniel Post: Maybe next life. Now enough about me. Let’s talk about you. Why are you getting involved with a dead guy?Denise Bauer: I, ah, try not to think about it. I do find myself being strangely forthcoming with you.Daniel Post: Oh! So you’re my Count Guido.Denise Bauer: Who?Daniel Post: Count Guido da Montefeltro. Ah, in Dante’s Inferno. Dante meets Guido in hell. Guido tells him that if he thought that his words would ever reach the real world he would never reveal his true feelings to anyone. But because he thinks Dante’s dead, he tells him everything.Denise Bauer: So you think I’m honest with you because you’re, uhm, a dead guy?Daniel Post: Something like that. So, Guido? Can I do the closing?Alan is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt with Dr David Cannon.Dr David Cannon: It’s called Asperger’s Syndrome. And as you suspected it is hereditary.Alan Shore: Asperger’s Syndrome? It sounds like something you cure with an ointment.Dr David Cannon: It’s a form of Autism. From the behavior that you described, and from what I read in his personal file.Alan Shore: Oh dear. However did you get hold of that?Dr David Cannon: Jerry Espenson is a classic case. No eye contact, strange tick-like behaviors, passion for a single subject, in this case the law, sudden outbursts. Basically their brains can’t process ordinary non-verbal cues that most people use to communicate. I know it sounds strange.Alan Shore: I’m not one to judge. Do you think Jerry Espenson knows he has it?Dr David Cannon: I doubt it. Most adults don’t know. It wasn’t even considered a disorder until 1995.Paul walks into Denny’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.Paul Lewiston:He hands Denny some papers. Denny?Denny Crane: What’s this?Paul Lewiston: It’s your prenup from your last marriage.Denny Crane:He pages through it and smiles. It’s hard to believe I was ever that young.Paul Lewiston: I took the liberty of drawing up a new one. With some addendums. He hands Denny some more papers.Denny Crane:He reads. “In the event that either party becomes physically or mentally incapacitated their assets…” This isn’t about protecting me. This is about protecting the firm.Paul Lewiston: You’ve been through wives before, Denny. Five of them? This firm is the constant. We’re the ones who are still here. And this does look after your best interests.Denny Crane: You mean the best interests of the firm?Paul Lewiston: Oh, for God’s sake, Denny! Someone has to worry about this firm and since you won’t, I have to! Denny Crane: Because you’re a senior partner. Yet your name isn’t on the door. Mine is. First name on the door.Paul Lewiston: I’m not interested in getting into an historical arguments with you.Denny Crane: Why? Because I built the firm from the ground up?Paul Lewiston: I care about what could happen to the firm now!Denny Crane: Let me tell you what would happen to this firm if Denny Crane left. It would dry up and blow away. And you with it! I’m the big gub on this boat. The captain! You’re nothing but a skinny, overpaid deckhand.Paul Lewiston: No! I am the deckhand who steers this ship because the captain isn’t up to it anymore.Denny Crane: Get out!Paul Lewiston: Look over the new document, sign it and get it back to me today.。

Boston LegalChitty Chitty Bang BangSeason 2, Episode 20Written by David E. Kelly2006 David E. Kelly Productions. All Rights Reserved.Broadcast: March 21, 2006Transcribed by Imamess for [version: March 26, 2006]At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Shirley Schmidt is in her office reviewing paper work with her client, Clifford Cabot.Shirley Schmidt: … And as a concession for keeping the cottage in Cape May, you’re willing to give up the house in Great Barrington?Clifford Cabot: And the antique pewter—valued at over seventy thousand dollars.Shirley Schmidt: A considerable gesture of goodwill on your part.Clifford Cabot: However, there’s something that Natalie is determined to get her hands on and I simply can’t permit it. A beat. My Victorian Erotica collection.Shirley Schmidt: Vict… what?Clifford Cabot: Victorian Erotica. As I’m sure you’re aware, much like today, the late eighteen hundreds were a socially conservative time. During repressive eras…Shirley Schmidt: Pornography thrives.Clifford Cabot:Correcting her. We prefer ‘erotica.’ She's in possession of my premiere collection of Victorian erotica in the western hemisphere. I intend for it to be my legacy to the world.Shirley Schmidt: Uhm, just so I’m clear, we're talking about literature, photos…?Clifford Cabot: ... And machinery.Shirley Schmidt: Machinery?Clifford Cabot: The Victorian era was the height of the industrial age. Whenever new technology arrives, its first use is erotica.Shirley Schmidt: Much like the internet and…Clifford Cabot: … Internet porn.Shirley Schmidt:Correcting him. Erotica.Clifford Cabot: No, that stuff’s just porn.Shirley Schmidt: Uhm, Clifford, was any of this ‘erotica’ acquired during your marriage?Clifford Cabot: Hm. All of it, actually.Shirley Schmidt: Well then, legally Natalie is entitled to a significant portion of the collection.Clifford Cabot: Shirley. My family’s money and affairs have been connected to this firm since you opened your doors. I want my collection.Natalie Cabot:She enters with a head of steam. You’ll never get it, Clifford.Shirley Schmidt: And you must be Natalie...Ivan Tiggs enters with a great big smile.Ivan Tiggs: Shirl.Shirley Schmidt:Floored. Ivan?!Ivan Tiggs: You don’t normally practice family law. What are you doing on a divorce case?Shirley Schmidt: Professor Cabot’s estate has strong ties to the firm. He wanted me. And you?Ivan Tiggs: I wanted you.Shirley Schmidt:To Clifford and Natalie. As a matter of full disclosure, Mr Tiggs and I were once married – many years ago – and could conceivably present a conflict of interest. Either one or both of you would be advised to request change of counsel.Natalie Cabot: I’m not giving up my attorney.Shirley looks to Clifford, who shakes his head, “no.”Ivan Tiggs: No, takers? Great. Shall we?The meeting continues. Clifford and Natalie are in the middle of a heated debate as Shirley and Ivan attempt to mediate.Clifford Cabot: You don’t wanna tear apart a collection! Thatss why it’s called a collection!Natalie Cabot: If you spent a little less time with the collection, we might not be here dividing it up now. Ivan Tiggs: People!Clifford Cabot: Before you met me you’d never even heard of ‘The Lusty Turk.”Shirley Schmidt: Clifford…Natalie Cabot: If not for me, “Two Circus Virgins” would be hanging over someone else’s fireplace. Shirley Schmidt:A warning. Natalie! Clifford! If neither of you can budge on this, then we will end up in court and a judge will decide your collection’s future.Clifford Cabot: Fine.Shirley Schmidt: Now, why don’t we break and see if we can come up with a better resolution tomorrow. Natalie Cabot: That’s fine.Ivan Tiggs:To Natalie. I’ll be right down.Shirley Schmidt:To Clifford. I’ll call you.Natalie and Clifford leave. Through different doors.Ivan Tiggs: Ha, ha. I thought they’d never leave.Shirley Schmidt: So? How is the Mrs, Missy?Ivan Tiggs: Ha. The honeymoon was exceptional.Shirley Schmidt: ???Ivan Tiggs: An atrociously dull island. Nothing to do but have sex all day and night. By the way, Shirley, I’m having an affair.Shirley Schmidt: Ha. Ivan! You do not disappoint! You’ve been married four weeks.Ivan Tiggs: Seemed like five.Shirley Schmidt: And who are you having the affair with?Ivan Tiggs: You.Shirley Schmidt:A beat. Well! So far it hasn’t been very good for me.Ivan Tiggs: I’m not sure if you follow the morning network news shows, but I caught a couple on the island, and according to the experts, one doesn’t have to actually have a physical relationship to be considered a cheater.Shirley Schmidt: No kidding?Ivan Tiggs: No kidding. If our friendship, let’s just call it that, is deeper that my primary relationship then technically I’m emotionally cheating on my wife. That’s what Katie and Matt say, and they both have such trusting faces.Shirley Schmidt: Besides humor you, what can I do?Ivan Tiggs: Admit you’re having an emotional affair with me. Consider making it physical since, after all, we’re already halfway there. And let’s call it a dayShirley Schmidt: I have a better idea, and I’m sure it’s something Katie and Matt came up with as well. Go home to your wife, Ivan.Ivan Tiggs: Are you breaking up with me?Shirley Schmidt: Go home to your wife.Ivan Tiggs:A beat. He turns to pick up his briefcase. Shirley, you know I don’t play fair. It’s one of the many reasons you love me.In an Assisted Living Home it is dark and quiet, after lights out in the facility. A nurse appears around the corner and a door opens slightly revealing CatherinePiper. She quietly closes the door until the nurse has moved on. The door opens again, Catherine comes out, she motions Adele Freeman forward who follows in a small electric cart. Catherine stealthily walks next to her, carrying her suitcase down the hall.Adele Freeman:Whispers. Did you pack my Jean Nate?Catherine Piper:Whispers. Yes, I packed your Jean Nate.Adele Freeman: What about my nighttime eye patches? I can’t sleep without my nighttime eye patches. They continue stealthily down the hall.They are now both completely on edge and moving toward the lobby. They see the exit up ahead, Adele’s freedom, when out of nowhere an attendant casually walks by.Attendant: Evening, Adele.Adele and Catherine freeze. Then both panic.Catherine Piper: Step on it.They make a break for it. Unfortunately the cart only goes on mile per hour and they are both easily stopped by the attendant.Attendant: Whoa, whoa, whoa. He steps in front of the cart. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait!The manager hears the commotion and comes running.Manager:Frustrated. Mrs Piper! I have warned you before about this. You leave me no other choice. To attendant. Call Boston P.D. I want her arrested for kidnapping.Catherine Piper: Oh, before you do that, dear, could you do one thing?Manager: What?Catherine Piper: Call Alan Shore. He’s in the book.In the multi-purpose room of the Assisted Living Home Alan Shore is with Catherine and Adele, who, in her electric cart, is idly shuffling some cards.Alan Shore: Why did you try to kidnap this woman?Adele Freeman: She wasn’t kidnapping me, she was helping me escape!Alan Shore: Ha! He helplessly shakes his head. Oh Go…Catherine Piper: Alan. A crime is being committed here. Adele is being held prisoner.Alan Shore:He looks to Adele. A beat. Go on.Catherine Piper: Adele’s been in the hospital suffering from depression. Her son died recently and it really devastated her. Last week they took her out of the hospital and they brought here to this so-called Assisted Living center. They put her on antidepressants. She started feeling better and she asked when she could go home. That’s when she found out the court had assigned a conservator to be in charge of her estate. Donald Wharton, a man she’d never even heard of!Adele Freeman: He has my power of attorney, he has control of my bank accounts, my property, he, he’s selling off my assets. And he’s spending all my money without my permission! She is distressed.A beat.Alan Shore: Adele. Do you have any family?Adele Freeman: Not since my son passed away.Alan Shore: Catherine? If you knew this injustice was being done to Adele, why didn’t you call simply me before you attempted to kidnap her?Catherine Piper: Well, dear, you’d helped me out on those two convenience store robberies, not to mention the murder! I didn’t wanna think I was becoming a bother.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Alan and Denise are in the kitchen preparing their lunch.Denise Bauer: So? One has only to fill out a few forms, and is then fully licensed by the State?Alan Shore: It’s that easy. Now! Many conservators are perfectly qualified, but the lesser ones are akin to the jackal. They sniff around hospital corridors hunting for senior citizens with no family ties. When they corner one the conservator goes before a judge with an emergency motion, the judge, overburdened with caseloads quickly grants them a Power of Attorney, and suddenly they sink their teeth into that senior’s life. They seize their assets; strip away all their decision making powers, then run up charges feeding off the estates until the bones have been picked clean.Denise Bauer: Well, aren’t people grand. Alan? What are you eating?Alan Shore: Jamaican ackee. Tastes like scrambled eggs if you cook it.He offers her some.Denise Bauer: No thanks. How do you want to proceed with Adele’s conservator?Alan Shore: Mr Wharton? A visit to his den would be a good start.He offers her some Jamaican ackee again.Denise Bauer: Hm. Why not.She takes a small piece on her spoon.Alan Shore: Avoid the pink parts, they’ve been known to cause vomiting or…death.She puts it back. Puts down her spoon, takes a clean one from the drawer and goes back to eating her sliced bananas.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Brad, Denny, Shirley and several others are about to start the partnership meeting.Shirley Schmidt: The first thing we should talk about is Paul Lewiston.Denny Crane: Well, let’s wait until he gets here.Shirley Schmidt: Well, that’s the point. He’s not getting here.Brad Chase: His schedule has been a bit shaky since he’s taken custody of his granddaughter.Denny Crane: Granddaughter?Shirley Schmidt: Fiona. His daughter, Rachel is…Denny Crane: Oh. Right, right. The druggie.Brad Chase: She’s not a druggie. She has an addiction for which she’s receiving treatment.Denny Crane: We don’t need Paul. The hell with it. I’ll take care of this. What’s on his plate?Shirley Schmidt: Uh, to start with Paul has final interviews for summer associate candidate.Denny Crane: Boring! Next.Shirley Schmidt: Uh, it’s almost the first of the month; someone needs to meet with the building manager. Brad Chase: I’ll take that.Shirley Schmidt: And Sam Wolfson wanted some time this week.Denny Crane: Oh! Sam and I go way back. I’ll cover Sam. Well, folks! There you are. See? Problems solved! Denny Crane. Hands on management. A beat. He notices Paul’s empty chair. Where’s Paul? Shirley Schmidt: Oh dear God.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Paul is in his office packing his briefcase.Paul Lewiston: My absence at this morning’s partnership meeting was unavoidable. I had to take Fiona to the pediatrician.Shirley Schmidt: Perfectly understandable, Paul. We’re just curious when you’ll be returning to work full time.Paul Lewiston:He sighs. Shirley, I have recently become the single parent to a three-year-old child who had no one but me to depend on.Shirley Schmidt: I know it’s hard.Paul Lewiston: No, it’s not about being hard. It’s that my priorities are different now and suddenly this firm doesn’t seem so important.Denny Crane:He comes in. Denny Crane! Master of the house.Paul Lewiston: Hello, Denny! How are things?Denny Crane: Couldn’t be better. Paul. I heard about your druggie daughter. I’ve got things under control now. Why don’t you take the time you need.Paul Lewiston: Thank you. I intend to. He leaves. Shirley?Shirley Schmidt: Druggie daughter?!Denny Crane: What?At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Brad is in his office going over a checklist with the building manager, Mr Kahanov.Brad Chase: We covered the increased security at the front desk and you’re going to repair the water damage on the fourteenth floor.Kahanov: Da. I take care of Friday, if good?Brad Chase: Very good. He gets up and starts to put on his jacket. That went smoothly! So I guess I’ll see you next month?A beat.Kahanov: So?Brad stands but Kahanov doesn’t. Brad senses they’re not done. Kahanov opens his arms and smiles at Brad. Brad smiles back and mirrors his gesture. Kahanov clasps his hands together. Brad follows suit.Brad Chase: I’m forgetting something.Kahanov: Ya.Brad Chase: Right. Here’s the thing, I don’t know what it is I’m forgetting.Kahanov: Mm… envelope.Brad Chase: He gets it and sits back down. Are you asking me for a bribe?Kahanov: No, no, no, no, no, no…A beat. Brad takes out his wallet, pulls out a sizeable wad of money and hands it to Kahanov, who inspects it, disappointed.Kahanov:He gets up to leave. Under his breath. Cretins.Kahanov walks out.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Shirley is in her office. Denny comes in.Denny Crane: So? Are you gonna tell me?Shirley Schmidt:She pulls down her glasses and looks at his… at his... at him down there. Yes. You’re zipped!Denny Crane: That’s not what I meant.Shirley Schmidt: Denny? Do you mind?Denny Crane: Shirley. You’re my girl. I rarely look at people’s faces, other than my own, but your pallor is telling me something. He sits down. Man trouble?Shirley Schmidt: It’s Ivan. He won’t stop until he gets what he wants. Right now, what he wants is me, and for once I don’t trust myself with him.Denny Crane: So. Why not have an affair with him and get it over with?Shirley Schmidt: And what about his sweet young wife? Not to mention my own morals.Denny Crane: Ha, ha. Moral! Invented by the power elite to keep the hoy-peloy from enjoying themselves. As for the wife, either she won’t find out and you’ll be fine, or she will and she’ll learn. If he’s gonna have an affair with someone, why not be part of the fun?Shirley Schmidt: Maybe you should write fortune cookies.Denny Crane: And… maybe you should fantasize about him with someone else.Shirley Schmidt: Good bye, Denny.Denny Crane: Was that too subtle? I meant me!At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Alan is in his office. In the corridor Catherine bumps Adele’s chair against some office equipment.Catherine Piper: Wait out here, Adele! I’ll just be a minute!She walks into Alan’s office.Alan Shore:He had noticed the ruckus. Catherine! To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?Catherine Piper: I heard you were gonna see Wharton today.Alan Shore: I’m on my way.Catherine Piper: I just wanna warn you; don’t be fooled by his silly cherubic face. I mean, he fools judges! He fools hospital administrators. Anyone he needs to so he can get his hands on folk like Adele and her pocketbook. He’s a bad man, Alan.Alan Shore: I’m hardly ever fooled.Catherine Piper: Oh! Come on! The first time you met me I’m sure you had no idea I’d be capable of killing a man with a frying pan.Alan Shore: Catherine, when I met you, I was sure you could accomplish anything you set your mind to, and you’ve yet to disappoint.Catherine Piper: Just so you know, I’ve asked Jesus not to forgive him.Alan Shore: I think Adele has a very good friend.Catherine Piper: Oh! Adele and I are old. If we don’t stick up for each other, who will?Alan Shore:They walk out of the office. Hello Adele!At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Shirley is in her office with Clifford.Shirley Schmidt: Clifford, regarding the collection. When one is faced with a daunting loss, one tries to hold tightly to something tangible. As your attorney and as someone who has been there, divorce can play some very nasty tricks on your psyche.Clifford Cabot: So you’re asking, is it conceivable I can’t let Natalie go?Shirley Schmidt: I’m putting it out there as a possibility.Clifford Cabot: Given the fact she’d rather spend more time chairing the Women’s Studies Department than be with me and that she’s the one that asked for the divorce?Shirley Schmidt: Something like that.Clifford Cabot: The answer is still no. Shirley, this is my vision. It’s not just some collection of smut. It’s an actual window into our history. A look at how we perceive ourselves and our society through a lens of our most primary urges. I even had this artist’s rendering done for a museum I’d like to start.He pulls out a postcard size poster. Shirley looks it over.Shirley Schmidt:Reading. “Professor Clifford Cabot’s Cabinet of Sexual Curiosities.”Shirley gives him a look.Clifford Cabot: Now, that’s just to get them to the door.Shirley Schmidt: Ha. I’m beginning to get the idea. And I think a judge might as well. However, I still feel if you don’t give a little, you’ll stand to lose a lot.In Donald Wharton’s home he shows Alan and Denise into his well-lived-in living room.Donald Wharton: Sorry about the mess. It’s been busy lately.Alan Shore: I can imagine. Oh look! Denise. When’s the last time you saw a TV tray? Suddenly I feel like watching Bonanza.Donald Wharton: So. You wanna talk about Adele?Denise Bauer: Yes. Adele tells us that you have moved her into an Assisted Living facility, and are selling off her assets.Donald Wharton: Well, it’s the only way to pay for the place. They’re so damn expensive.Alan Shore: Someone should look into that.Denise Bauer: An alternative would be to take her out of the facility and move her back home. Just a thought.Donald Wharton: Oh. I know Adele does not wanna be there. She’s fighting me on that one.Alan Shore: Mr Wharton, we’ve met with Adele. And while she may have had trouble when she first arrived at the hospital, she’s since recovered and is ready to move on with her life.Denise Bauer: And as her attorneys we’d like to help you move on with certain things as well. She hands him some papers. We’ve gotten rid of the trouble of court nonsense, notary public, standing in line at the post office, you have only to sign this release and we will relieve you of one of the burdens of your already overburdened workload.Donald Wharton: Ha. She got to you, didn’t she?Denise Bauer: I beg your pardon?Donald Wharton: Adele. She’s very good with strangers. Adele has clinical depression. You probably saw her on a good day. She had bouts of forgetfulness, poor judgment, difficulty concentrating. If I were to let her go? As an appointee of the court, and more importantly as one of the only people who cares about her, I would be completely remiss.He hands the papers back.Alan Shore: A beat. Mr Wharton, what color are Adele’s eyes?Donald Wharton: Ahhh, blue.Alan Shore: They’re brown. What was her son’s name. A beat as Donald tries to think. Jonathan. Mr Wharton, as someone who cares about Adele and is supposed to be caring for Adele, you seem to be very forgetful yourself. Please don’t forget your court date.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Denny is in his office, snoozing. Shirley comes to the door. She is out of breath.Shirley Schmidt: Denny?Denny Crane:He wakes up. You’re panting!Shirley Schmidt: Yes.Denny Crane: Because of me?Shirley Schmidt: Because of you.Denny Crane:All smiles. Lock the door.Shirley Schmidt: Because of you, Paul didn’t keep his meeting with the building manager, and Brad stiffed him. Now we don’t have elevator service before seven AM and I had to walk up fourteen flights of stairs. Didn’t you?Denny Crane: I climb the stairs every morning. The elevator is for democrats. Lock the door. My nipple’s hard.Shirley Schmidt: While I appreciate the update on your vestigial teat, you’re not horny, you’re freezing. Apparently the heat doesn’t go on in the building before seven AM because Paul didn’t keep his special agreement with the building.Denny Crane: You’re not gonna close the door, are you? Shirley Schmidt: Denny, you’ve gotta convince Paul to stay.Denny Crane: Me? Never happen.Shirley Schmidt: The reason you, me, Alan and the rest of us get to go to court and yell, “Objection!” and sue people and make witnesses cry is, Paul! Paul makes the elevators run! He supervises the associates! He double-checks the billables!Denny Crane: Well, let me tell you Shirley, what makes this place run. Money! And I bring it in.Shirley Schmidt: You bring it in, Denny. But Paul puts it to work.Denny Crane: Shirley, a supermarket doesn’t close ‘cause the cashier quit.Shirley Schmidt: Yes it does, Denny. Otherwise people would just walk out with the food.She walks out. In the corridor Ivan catches up with her.Ivan Tiggs: Good news! My client, in the spirit of cooperation, has made, what I consider, an amicable and generous offer.They are in the conference room with Clifford.Ivan Tiggs: Natalie, is willing to give up the entire erotica collection, books, magazines, paintings, photos... Clifford lets out a big sigh of relief. Shirley remains guarded. A collection which includes five first edition copies of ‘The Pearl.’Shirley Schmidt: Which I’m guessing is not a biography of Earl Monroe.Ivan Tiggs: Hardly. The full title is ‘The Pearl - A Journal of Facetaie, Voluptous Reading.’Clifford Cabot: It was first published in London by the Society of Vice in 1879. The original unbound periodicals are exceedingly rare.Ivan Tiggs: They alone are worth more than the entire rest of the collection put together. So we understand what we’re talking about, perhaps I could read a passage.Shirley Schmidt: Ivan, that won’t ...Ivan lauches in, directing his words straight toward Shirley. Eventually, it’s as if Clifford weren’t in the room.Ivan Tiggs: “I poured into her ears a tale of burning love. Finding that she made no resistance, I pressed her to my bosom. I undressed her ‘til she stood in perfect nudity. I led her to the bedside, she lay back, I sank to my knees and then with eagerness and tenderness I…” Well, you get the idea.Shirley Schmidt: As cheesy as that was, I do.Ivan Tiggs: Well, that being said, Natalie is willing to give up the collection except for one small item that she currently has in her possession.Clifford Cabot:Suspicious. Which item?Ivan Tiggs: Something called ‘The Hysteria Machine.’Shirley Schmidt: The Hysteria Machine?Clifford Cabot: That harridan!Shirley Schmidt: What the hell is The Hysteria Machine?Clifford Cabot:Overriding. The premiere piece of the entire collection! Why didn’t I see this coming? Forget the house, forget the pewter, she wants to play dirty? So be it!Shirley Schmidt: Ivan? We’re going to court.Ivan Tiggs:With a smile. Sounds like a date.In is Judge Isabel Hernandez’s courtroom.Alan Shore: Your Honor, since he became Mrs Freeman’s conservator, Mr Wharton has placed Mrs Freeman in a convalescent home against her will, has taken control of all her credit cards, he has charged exurbanite fees to the estate. To pay her ninety dollar electric bill he charged the estate a hundred and fifty dollars. He charged a hundred and seventy dollars to bring her less than fifty dollars worth of groceries.Donald Wharton: Your Honor, these are legitimate expenses. The truth is if everyone did their job, helped out with their family, their friends, their neighbors, it would render my job unnecessary. But we don’t! We as a society don’t like to take care of the old and the weak. It’s a difficult, heart-wrenching affair. Well, I stood up and am doing it. I have an affidavit from the admitting nursing at the hospital where Adele was first taken. She says Adele was confused, disoriented and apparently hadn’t eaten in several days.Alan Shore: A state any of us might be in after the death of our last surviving family member. I have an affidavit from the Cottonwood Assisted Living home which states: Ms Freeman is lucid and rational. Donald Wharton: She’s lucid because she’s well taken care of!Judge Isabel Hernandez: Mr Wharton makes a point. Mrs Freeman is eighty-three and has no family. What if she goes off her medication? Suppose she takes a fall?Alan Shore: Your Honor, if that’s a concern I can arrange for her to live with a friend.Catherine waves to the judge.Judge Isabel Hernandez: A friend, especially a mature friend is not the same as a family member or legal conservator.Alan Shore: Your Honor…Judge Isabel Hernandez: I’ve heard enough from both sides. I’m assigning a court appointed psychiatrist to examine you, Mrs Freeman. Until I have evidence that you are entirely self-sufficient you will remain a ward of Mr Wharton. We will reconvene in six weeks after the examination.Alan Shore: Six weeks? Your Honor, for Mrs Freeman that is a lifetime.Judge Isabel Hernandez: And in the court system it’s practically the speed of light. We’re adjourned.In Judge Leslie Bishop’s courtroom Ivan and Natalie are at their table. Shirley directs Clifford who stands in front of a table, upon which sits the hysteria machine. It is the size of an old-fashioned sewing machine, has pulleys, gears, levers, spouts, a small steam engine, and a small protruding piece of metal. Clifford has just started the machine.Clifford Cabot: It was actually used as a medical device. During the Victorian era, there was an inability or unwillingness of society to comprehend female sexual desire and so this desire was misinterpreted as an “illness.”Judge Leslie Bishop:re machine. It doesn’t seem to be working.Clifford Cabot: Well, it takes a minute or two to get its steam up.Shirley Schmidt: In the meantime, Professor Cabot, could you tell us how the Hysteria Machine works? Clifford Cabot: Women frequently complained of symptoms such as nervousness, heaviness in the abdomen, vaginal lubrication, insomnia, and so on. Doctors referred to these symptoms as “hysteria,” but of course they were actually signs of sexual arousal. Before the invention of this machine a doctor would ‘massage’ a woman until she reached a climactic “paroxysm,” as they called it.Ivan Tiggs:Sotto, to Shirley. I should’ve listened to my mother. She always wanted me to be a doctor. Shirley Schmidt:She ignores Ivan. And how did this machine come into being?Clifford Cabot: A doctor invented it because; well… his arms got tired.The hysteria machine beings to work… it makes noise like “chitty chitty bang bang.” Ah! The steam is up and it’s ready to go.Clifford turns a nob, flips a switch, and it begins to work. Judge Leslie Bishop leans over the bench to get a better look.Judge Leslie Bishop: Oh my God.Clifford Cabot:Beaming. Amazing. Isn’t it? Of course, I haven’t even put on the attachments on yet, which go right there. He opens an antique case, and shows the attachments to the judge. (We, of course, can’t see them.)Judge Leslie Bishop: Oh my God!Clifford Cabot: It’s the only working one of its kind in the world. It’s unique, invaluable, and irreplaceable! Glaring at Natalie.The little machine is making an quite a racket now… Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!Judge Leslie Bishop: Would you shut it off, please?Clifford shuts the machine off, but it continues to make noise. Judge Leslie Bishop looks at him. Clifford Cabot: Sorry, Your Honor, a steam engines doesn’t just shut off right away.Outside the courtroom Alan walks up to Donald Wharton.Alan Shore: Mr Wharton, unfortunately what may seem like a small victory is really just postponing the inevitable. We will prevail and since I know you’re anxious to get home and rake your shag carpet, why don’t you just let this one go?Donald Wharton: Well, mostly because I’m mad. And for Adele’s sake I’m willing to stay in this for the long haul. I’ll hire my own high-price attorney’s at five hundred dollars an hour. And you know where that money comes from don’t you? Adele’s bank account. That’s what it’s there for. To insure the well-being of my client. But don’t worry, I’ll eventually stop battling you. Once all the money’s run out.In Judge Leslie Bishop’s courtroom the little machine is winding down. The steam dies down, stopping all the hissing sounds and motions.Shirley Schmidt: Professor Cabot, don’t you intend eventually to donate this collection, including the hysteria machine, to a museum? A place where everyone could… get some pleasure from it?Ivan Tiggs: Objection, Your Honor! Leading the witness.Judge Leslie Bishop: Sustained. The witness will not answer, but I got the point anyway. Please, take a seat. Then. It seems to me that Professor Clifford Cabot’s motivation for wanting the machine would serve a greater good than your more localized motivations. I’m inclined to award the machine to Professor Clifford Cabot. Bring it and an inventory of the rest of the collection into court this afternoon and then I’ll decide who gets what.At Crane, Poole and Schmidt Alan is in his office. Catherine marches in. She is followed by Adele in her cart.Catherine Piper: Alan? He’s selling her house!She helps Adele move a laptop computer from Adele’s lap to Alan’s desk.Adele Freeman: That’s my living room. My son, Jonathan’s bedroom. My kitchen. My bathrooms. My house is a charming three bedroom, ‘with potential’.Denise Bauer:She comes in. What’s going on?Alan Shore: Mr Wharton is even more rancid than I had imagined. He’s attempting to sell Adele’s home. Denise Bauer: Apparently this isn’t the first time Mr Wharton has done this. According to a title search he has sold eleven houses belonging to his wards. And get this: the house he’s living in right now belonged to another one of his wards who happened to pass away, in her sleep.。