Commentaries on the Version of “一个女人是这样衰老的”
一个女人是这样衰老的
SV：How a Woman Ages/A Woman’s Aging/A Woman Fades Thus/What causes a Woman to Grow Old/The Way in Which a woman is Aging/How a Woman Gets Old
RV: The Way Woman Withers
点评：Rhetorical Device: distillation and aesthetic hightlights of language, either Chinese or English/The successful employment of alliteration(头韵)
1．二十岁的时候，我穿着一条背心式牛仔裙在校园里走来走去，一说话就脸红。三十岁的我穿着名牌套装，坐在办公桌前，满脸冷酷地对下属说：“这么愚蠢的问题你也敢问？也不先打个草稿。”SV: At the age of twenty, I walked about on the campus, wearing a vestlike jean skirt. My face would turn red whenever I speak. After I have turned thirty, I am seated in front of a bureau, in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly “How dare you ask such a stupid question? Why didn’t you make a draft first?”
RV: At the age of twenty, wearing a jeans jumper, I moved about on the campus, my face blushing the moment I had the inclination to make an
utterance. At the age of thirty, I, wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly, “How can you go so far as to raise such a silly, mindless question?”
点评：Zeugma (轭式修饰法)：a figure of speech in which a single word, usually a verb or adjective, is syntactically related to two or more words, though having a different sense in relation to each. More examples:
The senator picked up his hat and his courage/She possessed two false teeth and a sympathetic heart/ He lost the game and his temper.
2．二十岁的时候，从图书馆借的是《莎士比亚全集》、《一个青年艺术家的自画像》和《尤里西斯》。三十岁之后，床头摆的是《跟庄密笈》、《ELLE》和《经理人的个人魅力》.
SV: At the age of twenty, The Collected Works of Shakespeare, The Portrait of an Artist as a Y oung Man, and Ulysses were borrowed from the library. After thirty, Strategy of Speculation on Stocks, ELLE and Manager’s Personal Charm were put on the bedside.
RV: At the age of twenty, I borrowed books from the library like Shakespeare’s Complete Works, A Portrait of the Artist as a Y oung Man, Ulysses. After thirty, on my bedside, lie such books and magazines as The Recipe on Stocks, Elle and Manager’s Charm.
点评：Syntactically（依照句法地）, aesthetic value goes to Eng-Weightness in English, which is not the case with Chinese. For example:
Gone are the days when I was young. VS. The days when I was young are gone.
Word came that bribery行贿has sent him to prison. VS. Word that bribery has sent him to prison came.
3．二十岁的暑假，在家乡的大街上偶遇自己的暗恋对象，听说他考上了研究生，被他的进步所打击，心如刀绞，想到这辈子终于不能出色得让他看我一眼，不禁怅然泪下。三十岁之后，到处打听那里可以花钱买个MBA.
SV: At 20, during a summer holiday I encountered my beloved one on the street of my hometown. I heard he was admitted to be a graduate. I was struck by his advance. I couldn’t help shedding tears in my extreme grief.
I thought that for this life I could never achieve much to let him see me in
a new light. After 30, I inquire everywhere where to purchase an MBA certificate.
RV: At the age of twenty, I ran into the young man whom I loved in private in the street of my hometown. Upon hearing that he had been enrolled as a graduate, I was virtually dealt a heavy blow believing reluctantly so painful a fact that I could never do well enough to win his favor, bitter tears streaming down my cheeks. After thirty, I busy myself here and there, inquiring where I could by an MBA diploma.
点评：Aesthetically（审美地）speaking, English appreciates sentence possessing a short main clause, with many words, phrases and clauses
